I guess noone is still up but..

[ShyBaby]

My exp who left me 3 months pregnant and ignored us completely has gotten in touch tonight.

Its been five years since he fell off the face of the earth.

He wants to meet dd and wants to be her dad (so he says).

We were never a one night stand, we had a long history and he's deceived me before.

I wanted this for so many years and i'd given up hope of it ever happening. He wants to meet her. I said of course he could and I was civil, even managed a laugh when years ago I could have seriously hurt him for what he did.

If he lets her down....

How do I do this...I dont know if i've ever felt so confused. Things like this dont happen to me.

In shock I think.

It doesn't matter what he did to me, im ok with it, what's done is done.

I look at dd and she's so lovely, I couldn't handle anyone hurting her.

Shybaby, I've just seen your post and can imagine how you must have felt, what a shock for you, him getting in touch out of the blue. A moment you have hoped for but also dreaded.

Give yourself time to process your thoughts, anger, remembering the hurt he caused etc. So glad that you're feeling have faded. Talk it over with well meaning friends and gradually give your DD a chance to get to know her father, slowly at first, he needs to gain your trust. Good advice to introduce him as a friend. Good luck.

Need an early night, im in bits.

I feel for you and understand.

Hi, I read your post too. I think that all the issu is about trust. You don´t trust him, right, so you are affraid of him. It seems natural to me. He hurted you, deceived you, left you and you dd.
Beiing a parent is not doing what he did. Being a parent is about love and care, not going away and returning five years later.
If it was me I would tell him that. Your dd needs to know that loving someone is staying there ALWAYS. He could be an example of what NOT to do. Not his father anymore.

Sorry, I didnt mean to come across as ungrateful (sp). I really appreciate the support here, ironically, this was why I joined...when he left us. (been here five years now ).

Jeez im tired. Thanks all, will speak to you tomorrow no doubt.

Sunday is the big day

We already spoke on the phone for two hours. No explanation is going to make things right. What could he possibly say? He already told me his ex gave him a choice, he saw my child, he wouldn't see theirs again. Feeble.

I cannot meet that man on my own. I have no desire to dredge up the past. I dont want to hear it.

What's important is here and now, that's all.

Im starting to feel like such a crap mum today. Ive had a couple of texts from a friend telling me that after how my son's dad has behaved over the years, and how my own dad has treated me, do I really want to "repeat it on dd?".

Is this all my fault? Should I just call the whole thing off?

Im telling myself one meeting when she doesn't know who he is wont damage her in any way, I can see for myself how they interact? Yes? and if she never sees him again she wont even know who he was.

She has a father, and fuckwit as he has been, he is now wanting to be a father (so he says)...why does it seem im such an idiot for giving him one chance? Am I?

I am so loving "cocksmoking" right now!

Made me lol!

He hasnt sacrificed his other dc to see ours..oh unless his ex gf finds out apparently.....and he hopes he wouldn't have to ever make the choice

Shame she's such an unreasonable cold bitch...although that, quite frankly is not my problem.

Nerves are getting the better of me now...ramble, ramble, ramble.

Im honoured to receive your {{{{}}}} stayfrosty!

ramble...ramble....

wrings hands.

is scared.

lol...you are spot on. He's always been a sly t**t...and a liar.

She must have been mad to believe him.

Do I really want this man to meet my child (and I do see her as mine)?

Maybe he's a better dad than he is a partner...i'll never know that unless I give him the chance I guess.

Ok im off to bed anyhow...whether I sleep is another matter.

Thanks

Will rant speak tomorrow.

Did he say that his ex threatened to stop him seeing his later children when they were together, have they now split up? Sorry you don't have to answer as I can see you haven't posted today, your probably exhausted with it all.

Few and far between, I hope, but some women as so jealous and insecure that they will take this out on an innocent child. Of course I'm not defending him, just had experience of it.

What am I supposed to be feeling right now?

Because im not feeling anything.

He turned up, it was cold so I thought we could come back here. It was all pretty awkward until I excused myself to get the roasters on (the fucking roasters on?). Friend had already put the chicken on for me.

While I was in the kitchen they started playing, next thing I come in and he's hanging her upside down, tickling her and he's getting closer and closer to giving her a hug. They're laughing and playing hide and seek.

I felt nothing seeing them together, I thought I would...but no. No rush of emotion, no hate, no anger, no sadness. Just a big big space with nothing in it. I cry easily...I cry at films, adverts. But today I felt absolutely nothing.

It was like nothing had ever happened. He was the same old him, taking the pee and joking with me....

My friend who looked after ds for three hours broke down later...and yet I didn't.

I feel numb. Is this right? Surely not? When do the tears come then? They must be on their way.

You have shed all your tears. If it goes well you may feel them for your DD, but not necessarily. She is young enough not to know the void that he may fill.

the roaster on LOL Well it sounds like dd had a good time, did you tell her it was daddy? What has she said?
Maybe you have gone numb because its too much to cope with. It maybe slowly drip through.

This happened to my friend. Her ds was 5 too. He met him once and then my friend said if he was going to be a part of his life now then they should sort out some arrangement for maintenance. she never saw him again so he obviously wasn't that serious about being a part of his child's life.

My advice - say the same sort of thing and see if he sticks around. if he does then hopefully he is being genuine.

also has he recently split with his ex?

I called him tonight to see how it all was...make some arrangements maybe.

Alarm bells are ringing tbh. He said he was still in shock. Agreed to come once a week for a couple of hours for now.

He started harping on about how we'd always been and how there was always something about me, how no matter what had happened, he always ended up coming back to me. (10 years now since we met). Yes, even now I am physically attracted to him, I always was...but there's no way whatsoever I would do anything about it. Never. I see it as nothing more than seeing someone who is good looking and thinking "oh yes, he's fit". He was, and still is. But that's all. I cannot stand everything else about him.

There is something not right here.

I dont think he wants her.

He wants me.

I think he's trying to be nice to her to get to me. Its an awful feeling. Im being civil for dd's sake, no other reason. We have history yes, plenty of it...maybe his feelings are just mixed up and realising that his daughter is real and I am her mother...well maybe he's just confused and thinks he wants me.

But either way. He does and im not happy about it. I dont think he is taking this seriously at all.