Goodness knows I love my dss but...

[citronella]

the last few days I can't help but be feeling lonely, a bit depressed and ever so slightly scared of the future.
And I thought I was doing alright.

citronella...what's up? xx

I don't really know. Can't quite put my finger on it. I have great childcare (during the day), emotional support from rl friends if I need it, faith.
But I'm tired (work has been mental recently), evenings are busy but lonely. It would be nice just to have someone to share a comment, joke, observation or whatever with. I suddenly feel old and worry about how I am doing by my kids. No one to say if I'm doing a good job or a bad job with them and I won' t really find out until they are grown up by which time it's too late really.
I am worrying about money although I feel I have no right to complain really because I know there are plenty who are much much worse off than me.
I feel sad really but guilty for feeling that because I should be thankful.

Hi Citronella, don't know if you remember me we were on the "Support for leaving your partner thread" many months ago..........

I think it must be a phase, I am feeling the same at the moment. I am happier that I have left exp but I am hopefully finding some part time work e.tc. and I should be looking to the future. But I worry too and at the moment I feel lonely more often lately than I was.

The thing I've noticed is you have to give yourself a pat on the back, no one else will (well my family do). If you don't, you will begin to feel panicky about the future. Its ok to feel sad you know, but its also ok to give yourself a pat on the back and say "I'm doing ok at the moment".
You hang in there girlie lol

Hi moosh - yes I do remember you!
I too am happier - huge sense of relief but do get panicky moments too.
Thanks.

When my exh left me, I still pregnant to our only son. I was devastated and took me four years to simply accept the break up. I was feeling down, self esteem was in the floor. So I decided to make a list of things that I really would like in a man. things like:no smoker, taller than me, like children, enjoy family activities, fun, calm, good in bed, etc the list went on. I decided to go on line and I met my current boyfriend of nearly two years. He doesn't match the list to all cathegories but very close.
I just wanted to met someone nice. Have faith, be clear what you want, make happen.

I don't know you but you seems a great person. Believe it and you will get it! Positive thinking is the key for the law of attraction!good luck

Sorry you are feeling low, citronella. I can identify with how you feel. I am a lot happier now than when I was with ex H, but get terrible lonely moments from time to time. I feel bad for my boys, especially when I had DS1 crying because he wanted me to live with daddy again.
I know I have done the right thing. I am much happier, the boys are more settled now, and I have met the lovliest man, but it doesn't stop me having those lonely moments from time to time or those moments of guilt, so I know how you are feeling. It is still quite early days for you too so you are bound to feel a little low from time to time. It does get easier with time.x

Only just picked this thread up again.
Dalu thanks for your thoughts. TBH I am not really looking for anyone at the moment. I am getting used to just being me again ifyswim. My, you had an ambitious list!
I would be happy to just trust that someone who appeared lovely at first wouldn't reveal a horrible side. That will take a while.
Pinkchampagne, you have hit the nail on the head! I know in my heart of hearts I did the right thing.

Anyway I am feeling much more upbeat again.
DS1 told me yesterday in a whisper that our cm was going to buy me a b'day cake but I wasn't to tell her because it's a secret! lol

Glad you are feeling better now, citronella. I often feel better by the following morning after one of my low spells.
I am quite used to it now & feel fine more often than I feel low, but sometimes you get fed up with your own company do you not?!

I think for me when we split up in August 2006 there was nothing but relief and I was probably running on adrenaline.

I felt optimistic about the future etc etc and so pleaseed to have exH out of my hair and life.

Two and bit years down the line I still know that I am much better off without him but

1. we are still locked in a constant battle about how often he sees DCs (ie not enough and all on his terms) and I still feel like he is trying to control me in many ways. And I can see how hurt they are that he now has a new family and they are left on the sidelines a bit.

2. I had money in the bank when we split but now I don't and the reality of coping on my own is hitting home

3. As if my marriage break up wasn't enough to deal with (more of a long slow heartache than a quick heartache) I rekindled relationship with an exbf of 17 years ago. It's very on and off - I have always had very strong feelings for him and it has hurt me so much

4. I am trying to move on with internet dating but you must have a really tough hide for that which I am developing

On balance still good and much better than being in that awful marriage. So yes I think what I am trying to say is that you will still have down days and moments of pure terror at the reponsibility you are carrying and an uncertain future but that is understandable in your situation.

Hope you are feeling better.