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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

help im being taken for a ride -i think

22 replies

chubbasmum · 12/10/2008 23:58

ive been seeing this bloke for 3 years fell pregnant and i now have a beautiful baby girl she is now 8 months, he has never bought anything for baby he comes for one hour every fortnight. i mentioned contributions even a fiver a wk i was ignored i mentioned CSA got a mouth ful and even hung up on me.I think he is still with his so called ex how can i catch him out?

OP posts:

spookycharlotte121 · 12/10/2008 23:59

just go to the csa you will never get a penny out of him otherwise.

Original poster

chubbasmum · 13/10/2008 00:04

Hi Spooky thanks for the advice i just feel as if i needed someone elses point of view, i love him but i just feel used

OP posts:

shelleylou · 13/10/2008 00:08

definately go to the csa, they will only give an calculation of £5 a week if he is on JSA. As you have 1 child its 15% of his net weekly income unless he adds in any other dc's he may have onto the claim (sorry dont know your situation) I say it as my ds's dad pays 15% for him but he has a daughter from a previous relationship so technically he could add her into the assessment so 20% is taken into acccount and each person with care gets 10% but that would cost him more so he doesn't.

Your ex wouldnt qualify for a reduction for shared care as for that he has to have him 1 overnight stay a week on average. HTH best of luck

spookycharlotte121 · 13/10/2008 00:11

I know how you feel. I have 2 kids with my ex. I left him when i was pg because he had a gambling problem and was taking all my money. He see's the kids once a week if theyre lucky and obviously likes ds best. I dont get a penny and am trying to support the kids alone on my student loan as im at uni, he doesnt care that sometimes i have to buy milk and nappies with 2p's and he dodges the csa so Im left coping on my own.

shelleylou · 13/10/2008 00:13

charlotte, they can get in touch with Inland revenue to find out where hes working through his NI number. If you have an old joint CTC alowance letter it will be on there so you can give them it.

witcheseve · 13/10/2008 00:16

Surely if you have been seeing him for 3 years you know where he lives etc. Sorry to sound negative. You have a beautiful baby out of it but you must have tried to find out more before this.

Go to the CSA, if you are on benefits i.e IS they will make it their business to get money from him as they keep most of it. If you work even better it will be passed to you.

Original poster

chubbasmum · 13/10/2008 00:16

Hi Shelleylou as far as im aware he has 2 other children 14 and 9 years of age and i feel and think i am a mistress which sickens me to the stomach, mind you £5 is not much but it will be better than nothing. Thanks for that it does shade some light i find these things very confusing i dont want to report him but i feel i have to

OP posts:

spookycharlotte121 · 13/10/2008 00:18

If its any concellation Im still in love with my ex. I dont think i will ever stop loving him.

Original poster

chubbasmum · 13/10/2008 00:24

Hi witcheseve i do know where he lives but ive never been there i work shift work and have another child with yet another no good dad it was easier for him to come to me because of strict bed time for my other daughter he told me that he was self employed and now he has changed his story

OP posts:

witcheseve · 13/10/2008 00:24

charlotte, you will get over him one day, I promise you. OK it might take a while but it will happen. Hugs (sorry)

witcheseve · 13/10/2008 00:27

Chubbas, sorry I didn't mean to sound harsh. Just give his details to the CSA and then work out where you stand in the relationship. Good luck.

Original poster

chubbasmum · 13/10/2008 00:28

Oh Spook hun i its hard i tried to hate him its not working i told him to stay away and not to ring he does agree at that time and gives me 4-6 days to cool down and he rings again and like the fool i am i always take him back this is it for me though i will try and be strong

OP posts:

witcheseve · 13/10/2008 00:33

Chubba and Charlotte, I've been there and I did get over it eventually. Don't worry, my advice is to focus on the children not on them. Hard I know but so true. When I look back I wish I hadn't wasted so much energy on a dad that wasn't worth it. It worked out in the end for DD but only recently and she's 14.

Original poster

chubbasmum · 13/10/2008 00:33

Thanks Witcheseve i am too soft with him ive never been like that with any man you were not harsh at all i need a kick into reality

OP posts:

solidgoldskullonastick · 13/10/2008 00:35

He's a wanker. He's not going to help you unless forced to. Set the CSA on him and don't let him in your house till he is behaving like a father.

spookycharlotte121 · 13/10/2008 00:37

lol chubba were the same lol. Everyone thinks I hate my exp's guts but if he asked me to get back with him I would in a flash! I feel pathetic because he was awful to me when we were together. I miss him alot.

witcheseve · 13/10/2008 00:37

Wish I'd had mumsnet all those years ago. Look after number one (DD) then number two and three (yourself and other child) and don't forget he is low down on your priorities. It's hard I know.

Original poster

chubbasmum · 13/10/2008 00:41

Thanks Solid, i think you are all right i dont feel as guilty as i did earlier on mind you he made me feel like that because the last words he said to me before he hung up on me were what have i ever done to you to do this to me abit of reverse psychology

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Original poster

chubbasmum · 13/10/2008 00:44

A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED. nighty nite

OP posts:

spookycharlotte121 · 13/10/2008 00:48

Night chubba x

glitterfairy · 13/10/2008 08:02

We say set the CSA on them but they take forever and have a backlog at the moment! They dont seem able to work with people who are self employed and are pitifully easy to swindle!

I guess it is a starting point though.

SmugColditz · 13/10/2008 08:17

Just go to the CSA, why wouldn't you? You can't catch him out,, you're not going to get him to turn into a Non-Cunt, he's not a good father and he should be paying for his daughter.

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