DS2's party. I don't want xp1 there. Don't know what do do.

[tortoise]

Can i have your opinions please?
I had asked XP1 if he wanted to go halves on DS2's disco party BUT i really don't want him there(really regret asking him now). From past experience he just sits and does sweet FA. DS2 doesn't care if he isn't there.

So should i tell him not to come? Am just about able to pay the full price if he won't pay if he can't come. But he pays for nothing else so feel he should contribute. But i can see that it would be unfair to stop him coming if he pays half.

He upset the boys at the weekend because he was 'too tired' to take them to the local childrens carnival. This was because DS2 woke him at 7.25am!! Practically a lie-in to me!
He just does nothing with them of for them and don't see why i should be rushing round organising a party for him to come and just sit there. He hasn't offered to help at all.

WWYD?

If he just and sits and does FA and is paying for half of it, I think you should let him come and just mentally blank him and pretend he isnt there, then treat yourself with something with the money you have earnt yourself by letting him come!

I'd invite him anyway. He's still ds2's father, even if he is useless and he should be invited. He's there for his son, not for you (sorry to be blunt). Even if he does sit there and do nothing, it doesn't matter.

Ask him to contribute. Volunteer to look after everything on the day. Would he want to come?

I always blank him where possible lol!
He hasn't said if he wants to come but will come because of paying half.
I know deep down i have to let him come. Can i tell him i don't want him there just to see what he says?

Maybe he sits there doing nothing to avoid getting under your feet, avoid annoying you, and to avoid having anyone give him any of the credit for the party which you have organised and he has simply paid for...?

How would you feel if you were told you couldn't come to your child's party? Such it up and put up with it for your ds. And then use the money you have 'saved' yourself for something extra special you wouldn't normally be able to afford for just you and the children at a later date.

Even if you think your ds isn't bothered, I bet he'd be bothered if his dad took no interest in his life and couldn't even be bothered to come to see him for his birthday... Lots of people on here have to deal with the rejection their children feel and the results of that when their ex shows no interest at all in their children's lives. So you don't have that to deal with at least!

you have to ask him, especially if he is paying half. and he ought to turn up for dd

can you give him a specific job to do up front? or is it just not worth it?

gilly Actually he sits there because he is a lazy bastard! Always was! And still is!
And actually he doesn't really take an interest in their life. He sees the regulaly, yes, but they spend the time on PS2 or PC so not really with him. His mother does eberything for them!

I will leave it as it is and suffer him there. I can ignore him and still enjoy the party with my DC.

Next year plan a smaller event and don't invite him. Then if he asks about the party say maybe he could organise it that year then...

He may well be lazy and let you get on with everything, but at least he has the children. If you want him to start doing more then tell him what jobs you'd like him to do at the party. My ds's father can't even make the effort to send him a card for christmas or his birthday. Not once not ever!

Tort, gillybean talks sense.

Invite him (you know you have to) and let him sit like a saddo in the corner

And hope your ds has a fab time