any advice please :(

[dawnjess]

I have 2 children aged 9 and 3 and have been married 6 years but together 11years. We have always had an up down relationship and last week he told me to leave which he often does but this time i think I really want to.
We are not like a couple or a family we dont do anything together and he is always out so im pretty much on my own anyway. What I would like some advice on is if I could manage financially. I work part time 21 hours for the nhs I get about 670 a month wage. Do you think I would get any help if I put my name down for a council house I dont know how it all works

Don't leave. If he wants to split let him leave. If you leave you may jeopardise your chances of getting the marital home. He has no right to throw you out.

Don't judge your own relationship against those of other people. The grass is always greener.

It is not a case of whether or not you can afford (financially) to end the relationship. It is a case of whether he can afford to walk away. He has responsibilities.

Yes you will be able to manage financially.

First of all, don't leave the house, he should go, your children need to stay in their home.

If your wages aren't enough to cover the rent HB will top it up. If you own your house they won't help pay the mortgage though.

You will recieve maintanance from your ex for both the children. You will alos recieve WCT and CTC and help with childcare costs.

You can wait years for a council house. I wouldn't rely on that.

Go and talk to CAB, they are very hrlpful with things like this.

And from what you descibed about your relationship, it sounds like splitting up will definately be a good thing, for both of you.

don't leave the family home,he should leave, there are some websites where you can check out your entitlement to benefits.
Sorry you have found yourself in this situation.

I've noticed that on MN many posters are keen to urge others to leave their spouse after reading 2 lines about a relationship that has gone on for years.

Unless he is about to murder you,(or you him!) you do not have to end this marriage now. A surprisingly large proportion (forget what it is) of divorcees live to regret ending their marriages. Have you tried Relate or other counselling?

Elasticwoman the OP's husband told her to leave, and she said she wants to.

She also said: "We are not like a couple or a family we dont do anything together and he is always out"

What's the point of trying to salvage that?! It may only be two lines but it's enough to assertain that they don't have a relationship and sound like they are doing the right thing by splitting up.

Just my opinion of course, but I see no point in trying to make a relationship work when neither partner is happy. Life's too short.

She also said they'd had an up and down relationship over many years and there are 2 children who may well be better off with both parents under the same roof. Or not - but it's not a decision an outsider can make.
Nobody knows the whole story of anybody else's marriage.

Of course you are entitled to an opinion OMDB and also entitled to express it on MN but I just feel that urging some one to make such a serious choice which affects not only their whole life but that of many other people, is a little premature to say the least.

Dawnjess you will be able to manage financially as you will get lone parent rate on tax credits, you will also get 25% reduction on your council tax. You can put your name down on the housing register but don't expect ot walk straight into one, you can privately rent and possibly get half of your rent paid, put your details into this site to see what you will be entitled too

www.entitledto.co.uk

hi dawnjess, sorry to hear your crappy situation. i too work for the nhs & on similar terms-moved out couple of months ago.
from what i managed to find out,you only get help with mortgage (interest) payments if you are on income support (& even then is v long wait), if you move out & rent somewhere, you will prob get help towards rent thru housing benefit (all means tested)-but you have to sign a tenancy agreement before they will tell you how much you get! do check out entitledto & gingerbread website for advice. you may also get working & child tax credits,help with prescriptions etc. i was told there was a 4 yr wait for council housing where i live (& all looks pretty grim anyway!)
its v hard to get definate answers, but do persist & dont let money worries prevent you from doing what you think is best for your family-is it better to be a bit skint or unhappy for the next 50 odd years?!
do let us know how you get on!
good luck!!!

hi again,
another good bit of advice from the council was that legally you don't need to declare that you are claiming housing benefit when applying for a private rent (most say no DSS!). you may find that you cant rent thru an estate agent as they tend to use calculators depending on what your salary is compared to the monthly rent. i found going thru a private landlord was my best bet, along with offering family members as guarantors.
another thing is that if you move out,you may get housing ben. for 6 months after which they will assess your wider capital (including any property) - you may well then have to put your house on the market - apparently they can keep paying hb while on the market at their discretion, but once its sold if you get any profit they'll take that into account.
might be worth checking out advice from a solicitor / mediation service - you may well get legal aid on your salary.
hope that helps (took my months to get to the bottom of how it all works!)