Court Case with my Ex, Any advise

[Kat936]

Does anyone have any advise on what happens when you are taken to court over a custody battle.

My son did not want to go to his fathers on friday and because of this my ex is going to take me to court, for joint custody. So i am awaiting to hear from his solicitor. I am really scared and not sleeping at all.

I'm not saying my ex can't see him, its just he didn't want to go. There has been alot of problems over the year and all I have done is put my son first. My ex doesn't see it like that.

Days he is meant to have son, phones and sayes he can't. Like last week, went to turkey with his new family over days he should have had his son.

Any advise?

Have you drawn up a parenting plan which you can show to the judge? As 'proof' of attempts to be reasonable and compromise?

If your x refuses to sign it or consider it, then it won't look good for him. A parenting plan isn't a court order, but it does show your willingness to co-parent and to compromise. With his behaviour, will he be as confident he can prove the same reliability and commitment?

Keep a diary and record when he is planning to come, and when he doesn't.

Tbh, I think he's just trying to make you sweat. I doubt he really even wants joint residency. It might interfere with his holidays.

How old is your son? The judge will be most concerned about what is best for your son. If he is old enough, his desire not to go to his father's will be important.

Agree re the comment about a diary - log everything. If he hasn't honoured his existing contact arrangements, that will hardly impress a judge (assuming he ever does go to court - he could just be trying to intimidate you)

How old is your son and why didn't your son want to go? Assuming there wasn't a reason and you didn't fear for his wellbeing and safety while with his dad you should have insisted he go imo.

As parents we often have to encourage our children to do things they don't want to do. There might be something more exciting happening and they feel they will miss out, or a tv show they are watching and don't want to be dragged away from, or they might refuse to brush their teeth or go to bed when it's bed time, and of course they generally loathe being dragged around the shops... As a responsible parent you need to encourage your child to do the things that are important, and insist upon them if necessary. That includes going to his dad's at the agreed time.

If you turn around and say 'well he doesn't want to so i won't make him' then that isn't responsible parenting. If he says I don't want to because.... and after listening to his reasons you agree with him then that is different.

How would you feel if your child said to his dad, "i don't want to go home to mum" and he said ok then, i won't make you if you don't want to... You would insist that he did. And if there is no reason why your son shouldn't see his dad then I'm afraid you will have to insist he goes when he should.

Of course if your son had valid or important reasons for not wanting to go, and is old enough to make some decisions himself now then you should listen to him. But if this was his gran we were talking about and you had arrange to go and see her and he suddenly said no he didn't want to, would you have had the same reaction...

If your ex is taking you to court over this while swanning off on holiday and cancelling agreed contact as and when he feels like it then he will get short shrift in court most likely. However if you are not actively encouraging your son to see his dad i'm afraid you will get told that a child should see both parents unless there are reasons (such as safety) for this not to happen and you need to encourage your son in this.