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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Would you go out with someone if...

20 replies

MascaraOHara · 05/09/2008 15:36

a) you couldn't work out whether or not you fancied them
b) you thought you might end up taking advantage of their good nature
BUT
c) you know they are absolutely lovely
d) you thought it had the potential to be something long term

Answer on a postcard please..

OP posts:

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FlightAttendent · 05/09/2008 15:37

Yes

mustrunmore · 05/09/2008 15:38

Yes. Nothing to lose, as long as you are both honest from the start.

Carmenere · 05/09/2008 15:38

No. well i would go out and drink too much with them and see if I fancied them whilst pissed.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 05/09/2008 15:40

Hmmm no. Many years ago I did.

Ruined a very good friendship.

Unfortunately. My one regret relationship wise.

ParCark · 05/09/2008 15:41

Message withdrawn

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2008 15:42

well i think the fancying part can grow if you dont actually think yuk

i didnt fasncy bf initially

i do now tho

so just have a few dates and see what happens you have to start somewhere its not a commitment

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2008 15:43

but if its someone you already know and you just dont think of like that then no

beansmum · 05/09/2008 15:43

I if definitely didn't fancy them I wouldn't go out with them, but if I just wasn't sure I might. Extremely hypothetically, nobody ever wants to go out with me.

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 05/09/2008 15:43

Thanks, it's interesting.

ParCark: I'm not 'contemplating taking advantage'. I'm concerned that I might though, not on purpose but he is much softer/kinder/nicer than I am. If you want a fight, go look eslewhere.

OP posts:

MadameCastafiore · 05/09/2008 15:44

No - sounds like my cousin and her boyfriend and they should split up she doesn't fancy him but keeps plugging away - it is sad to watch!

JodieG1 · 05/09/2008 15:46

I would. There's no harm in going out a few times and seeing what happened and how you feel then. A kind and loving man sounds something good to have

ParCark · 05/09/2008 16:15

Message withdrawn

Overmydeadbody · 05/09/2008 16:17

yes

Sometimes you don't actually fancy someone until you get to know them a bit better

So I'd give it a chance and get to know them a bit better.

Ledodgy · 05/09/2008 16:17

Yes. I did this when I was 19 and we're still together 12 1/2 years later.

Overmydeadbody · 05/09/2008 16:18

Mascara I think to take advantage of someone is an active conscious thing. If it isn't your intention and you don't do it deliberately then you are not taking advantage.

lunavix · 05/09/2008 16:19

I've done it very recently.

Lovely absolutely GORGEOUS guy. So gorgeous people stopped me randomly in night clubs asking if he was with me! He was mad about me for no understandable reason, we were together 6 months and he saw it with a view to kids, marriage and more. Incidentally, being with him gave me and the kids a VERY easy life practicality wise

But I realised I wanted to be with someone I felt true passion for, and could be crazy about. Coasting wasn't enough. Someone I fancied and worshipped the socks off!

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 05/09/2008 16:25

a few different opinions.

I disagree with the taking advantage thing. And I take offense to those saying it's something I would do on purpose. It's very easy to ask someone to do something for you and for them to say yes (because they are that sort of person), so you figure they don't mind and ask again and again and because they don't want to say no they just go along with it.. even though they might not want to do it.. and before you know it you've asked them way to often. It can creep up on people without meaning to do it.

OP posts:

lunavix · 05/09/2008 16:29

Mascara - exactly.

Ex was happy to stay over take kids to CM, collect and then feed/bath them when I was at Uni. I realised that this was kind of swaying my thoughts on being with him which it should DEFINATELY not. When I realised that I was inadvertantly using him, I realised I could not be with him.

allgonebellyup · 05/09/2008 16:33

If you have to ask yourself if you fancy them, then you probably dont.

If they are a very nice person, then great, be best friends with them.But dont go out with them.

If there is no passion there for me then im out.

Pinkchampagne · 05/09/2008 16:54

I need to get to know someone a bit before I know if I really fancy them. I can think someone is attractive, but not fancy them.

When I went on the first couple of dates with my boyfriend, people on here asked if there were fireworks, and I had to answer "no", because there weren't. It was my first date since splitting from ex H, and fireworks just weren't going to happen! I thought he was nice looking, but didn't know if I fancied him right away. Was like this for first 3 dates, but on date 4 we had our first proper kiss, and from that moment on I fancied him like crazy! We have been together a year now, and I fancy him loads.

He is also a very nice person - total opposite personality to ex H, and most of my ex's. I feel very lucky to be with someone so lovely.

So in answer to your question, I say to give it a go, as it most certainly can work out.

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