How do you organise kids'birthday and other special occasions between you?

[citronella]

My exh seems unable to separate just focusing on ds's day without involving his ishoos about his relationship with me.

hi ((((((((((((((citronella)))))))))))))))

ex had the same prob so we had separate parties. not the ideal solution perhaps but i didn't want the awkwardness i and perhaps my family would have felt on dd's day.

there might (and will) be some who say that we should put our feelings aside but like our x's there are some who can't. fwiw i invited x to xmas last year as he said he would be on his own. i was tense all day as i didn't feel comfortable with him there. it spoilt the whole day for me. i didn't want the same experience for dd as she is very perceptive towards how others are feeling and i didn't want her worrying.

hth xxx

Quite. If it was down to me I wouldn't want to have to see him again unless we could just be friendly without having to go over the past again and again and who said what and who did what over and over again. Just focus on the children. I will probably have a party later in the month or even next month to which he probably wouldn't want to go to but this is just about the day itself.

hi, things were pretty bad between me and exp but we wanted him christened, so we managed to get through the church part, then had separate do's afterwards, not ideal, but got the job done!

Citronella is it worth trying this: every time he starts on about your former couplehood, say something like 'Well that's not something we need to worry about now, anyway, about DC...' with a nice polite smile, and just don't be drawn into whatever he wants to talk about. If it's not an actual family occasion then walk away if he won't keep to just talking about DC.

Hi solidgoldbrass, I do try that approach and not contacting him unless I need to about dc or practical issues but I have to admit its not easy when someone pushes your buttons and you feel compelled to defend/explain yourself. I end up getting wound up.
I think I will just focus on spoiling ds1!
iLoveIceCream, i sympathise as I have yet to get through a christening and I would like to do it.