Best way to drop off children on 1st visit to ex and girlfriend - Ideas please !

[wavejumper]

Help !
Never posted before, but read lots of great stuff, so really hope you can give me some ideas. My children (5 and 6) visit their Dad and his girlfriend next week for the first time. They've not been to his house before and last saw him in November (he lives abroad). I met his girlfriend once for a few hours about 18months ago (when I asked her to allow me and my husband a chance to work things out - she refused), DS and DD haven't met her or spoken to her on the phone. I will be dropping them off at the house. How can I make this as easy as possible for DS and DD ? They need to see that I think the girlfriend is OK as they're staying for a few days. I'm over my ex and want this visit to work so that DS and DD can continue to have contact with their Dad. I have no worries that DS and DD will be well looked after, but find it hard to imagine how I will smile and be friendly to his girlfriend. Any thoughts you have really, really welcome as I'm beginning to lose sleep over this !

No advice I'm afraid, just wanted to say good luck, you sound very together, it must be hard but I'm sure it will all go smoothly.

I wonder if it might be worthwhile to have the ex and her round to yours to meet the kids beforehand - tha way it's on your territory, and the kids might feel happier meeting her that way, rather than on her doorstep? Sorry - I'm clutching at straws, as I don't have any experience of this. Good luck - and remember to fix that smile on your face (even if it is through gritted teeth )

Hi Wavejumper and welcome. I'm a step-mum and mum, and I was once in the position of being the new girlfriend. I think it's great that you're acknowledging how your feeling.

My advice would be to do exactly what you're planning on doing - smile and be friendly. It's for your children. And then maybe gradually try to get to know her. That's what I wish dsd's mum had done with me.

Wavejumper, no advice just wanted to say you are doing the right thing being friendly for the sake of your children so well done. Good luck.

hi wavejumper - I think the important thing is that you have realised that your attitude to the gf/overall situation is important. You're more than half-way there. As a kid I was ferried around between houses and my parents NEVER spoke to each other, never stood on the doorstep, just drove away quickly before I went in the house. Heaven forfend any contact between my mum and my dad's wife (which I do understand). But it did have a big impact on me - it sent me the message that the situation was "wrong" that the adults involved were not happy with it etc. Is there any chance you can call and speak to them both about your concerns - just make it clear how important you think it is for the kids to see the adults comfortable with the situation. I'm sure it will go ok, and will get easier too.

Thanks for your positive thoughts. It has made me realise that the friendly approach is the way to go to make things work - even if that's not how I truly feel. In the end I want DS and DD to feel comfortable with what is happening.

wavejumper - I have never met my children's father's girlfriend - so I admire you very much - how did it go?