Hate being a single mum

[HelloKittyHelloKitty]

Today has been the day from hell, and honestly I just hate being a single mum. Washing machines gone and broke, no clean uniform (it broke sunday but I was convinced I would be able to sort it today but I just couldn’t) couldnt turn the filter, I spent 3 hours trying to turn it and just couldnt so no clean uniform for tomorrow. I am so jealous of people that have nice husbands and partners all I kept thinking is I wish I had a man here as hed probably manage it in 5 minutes meanwhile ive spent 3 hours trying to twist it. Being a single mum sucks how does anyone enjoy it?

It’s hard going, I was a single mum to four (and still single) from when my youngest was 2yo. She’s 17 now.

The tough times are hard and frustrating but it it is worth it when they are grown and they can work along side you and support you back. Just seems to take forever to get there!

I hope you manage to get the washing machine sorted. It is ok to be angry and frustrated to have to do something you didn’t sign up for (doing it all alone).

thanks, New one paid for but thats £200 down the drain

I have the same problem with my washing machine filter and can never undo the damp thing. Could you ask a friends or neighbour? I'm friends with my next door neighbour, and whenever I need to clean my washing machine filter she sends her partner round to undo it. He also opens difficult jars and bottles when needed.

I'm sorry, life can be so hard.

I’m a lone patent (widowed when my kids were 4 and 6) and yes I often wanted someone to just come take care of stuff for once! Not the washing machine (my DH would have just broken it more), but just the general everything was down to me and the responsibility could get overwhelming.

Neighbours are elderly sadly so I won’t be able to ask them and most people i know are also single mums so not really sure who I would ask, I have bought a new one now just annoying as it was only the filter that was blocked but I couldn’t do it and I lost the will to live afyer almost 3 hours trying

And as much as I think women should be strong and independent and I do most things on my own anf usually do this alone sometimes you do really need a man around

Hire a handy man? Probably cheaper than a new one? Hand wash the essenstionals.

yes i did hand wash what i could but it was a pain doing it last night as my arms were aching 😂

I'm sorry you are having a bad time @HelloKittyHelloKitty . First off, fuck handwashing - that sounds like a real PITA, unless it is just a few pairs of pants! You must have a launderette nearby - go there if you possibly can. (Obviously, if you live in a rural location and have no car - ignore this advice!)

Having single parented since my youngest was 1 (she's now 24), I would say that having a list of handymen/women is critical. Ideally, you want a generalist who could do the washing machine, the weird light that flickers, the leaky tap and the fence panel that has just come loose - but failing that a few local plumbers, electricians etc who come recommended are worth their weight in gold.

If you have a local repair cafe - go! Take some knives that need sharpening or find something that needs fixing and go along. These are so useful and often a good place to find recommendations for a handy person too.

Then think of all the good bits. No annoying co-parent who has different ideas or undermines your parenting rules, no one snoring in bed beside you or doing loud coughing or turning all the lights on just to go to the loo in the night!!!! And that is just the light-hearted stuff. Also, don't forget that lots of blokes are not remotely handy, so just because there is a man in the house, there is no guarantee at all that he could fix anything.

This is what hits me occasionally. I have to do and think about and decide EVERYTHING and when stuff like this happens is when I get really annoyed. I had to take my car in the garage and they had to keep it overnight. I had no way to get my son from school or get home. I have absolutely no one nearby and I almost broke into tears .

If it makes you feel any better I've been in a relationship for 10 years and have to do these tasks myself. So do the majority of my friends. Our husbands all work long hours, promise to do it the next day then it never comes. In there defence they just weren't taught the skills growing up. 30 years ago it was easy to get a handyman at a reasonable rate. I grew up with a single mum and I'm sure your doing a fantastic job and giving it your all. Just wondered if it might be useful to share my experience. I feel women who have partners who actually help with these tasks are very lucky.

I think the blokes you are used to must be a better calibre than the ones I am - none of my exes could fix anything. A lot of them complained about costs of new things though, so at least you don't have that in your ear!

It is tough but I think we often romanticise what we don't have too. A guy might be able to fix something but also probably not. He might be able to split costs, but he might also be an arse about it and argue the whole weekend about it. I know loneliness is tough because we are social animals, but being with a guy isn't always the answer to that. It sounds like you need to find your village of single mums nearby who can help when this kind of thing happens. We had a group of 4 and used to visit each others houses for dinners, parties for the kids and recommend decent tradies who didn't gaslight or overcharge just because they saw a vulnerable woman. If you can find them, you have struck gold.

that’s why they are an ex, most people with decent partners can and do fix things!

yes i knew i would get lots of people saying their partners don’t do that but i think thats more unusual personally

thanks for understanding, yes it’s not about the washing machine it’s about having to do everything every time, i tried the washing machine, then had to hand wash the clothes, then had to pay to buy a new machine i don’t get any maintenance so it’s all on me and that’s £200 gone just before xmas

That sucks and I really hope that better times are ahead for you.

My MIL was single raising my DH and also treated badly by her family and traditional community, for whom divorce was a source of shame. But the tables have turned! The first thing my DH did when he was earning a decent salary was to help her get a brand new car. We include her in the vast majority of special occasions and have taken her on holiday multiple times. Life is quite different for her now.

I seem to have unintentionally hit a nerve. I was merely suggesting a group of women in a similar situation might be a good call as they have helped me through 16 years of single parenthood.

Do all washing machines have filters?! I clean the seal, and put the cleaning cycle on with the solution. What filter??
My tumble dryer has mesh which I clean as it collects fluff etc.

I don't know if this is a helpful reply or not, so feel free to ignore me!

My mum was/is a single mum, she raised 4 of us alone after my dad left while she was pregnant with the 4th and the oldest was around 4. It was hard for her, really hard, I didn't really realise how hard it was until I left home because she never let on to us and she was an amazing mum in so many ways I can't even begin to list. I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything, although I'm sure she did. She always says though that she's never changed it and she loved raising me. As adults we are all so close to her and appreciative of everything she did. So while it's really hard and thankless and many more emotions I can't describe hopefully when they're adults your children will appreciate everything you did for them and it won't all have been so thankless any more.

I hope your week gets a lot, lot better.

thanks, i know my time will come it just feels a long way off at the moment, my 12 year old was really trying his best to help. i had to leave the heating on all night to dry the clothes as no tumble dryer 🥲

Get a big pair of pliers and some mini screwdrivers

Had pliers it just wouldn’t work normally it does but this time it was jammed

New washing machine all plumbed in by me and the 12 year old, only took 30 mins, I do usually do everything myself but sometimes get defeated. But feeling better now we will have clean clothes, it’s something you take for granted really!

I feel so much for single mums/parents. I was raised by a single mum and I was a single mum myself for around 2 years before I got with my current dp (I still have the job of having to deal with my ex around contact, etc.).

It’s heavy going. Every single thing is your problem all the time and it’s relentless. I felt so anxious of things ‘going wrong’. My job was also under threat at the time and the worry was unbearable. Ex paid nothing and was always utterly useless.

There’s always a layer of stress simmering under the surface. Nevertheless, it was much better than being with the bstard ex.