Shall I downsize or stay put? Advice needed…

[warmdays]

I have 3 teenage children and have been a single parent for 12 years.
I have struggled to get back into employment due to a combination of my serious illness, childcare, children with SEN, redundancy and having previously been a stay at home parent while I was married.
I’m now earning ok now but only around £27k but there are opportunities to earn more with more experience. It’s a struggle each month paying all the bills and mortgage with not much left over. I get some child support from my ex husband and a universal credit top up.
My dilemma is that we live pretty frugally and I struggle to afford holidays and days out, we don’t eat out
etc, buy clothes on Vinted and shop in Lidl.
The issue is that I have approx £550k in equity in my house and live in an expensive area. The house is ordinary but in my area a 3/4 bed sells for around 700k.
I was able to keep hold of the house when we split as my ex had many other properties that he kept hold of and is wealthy. ( he’s a landlord)
I have hardly any pension and I’m now 52 so I plan to downsize in the future and use a chunk of equity as a pension.

However, I’d love to give the children the experiences I had as a child like going on holidays abroad or even just going away for weekends.

I’m considering whether to downsize sooner rather than later. I don’t have to worry about schools as both SEN children get school transport.

We love this house and we wouldn’t be able to stay in this area. I’ve also met someone who I may eventually want to buy with when the children are older but he also has 3 children who would visit so we’d need a lot of space.
Any advice/ ideas would be useful.

I wouldn't downsize if it meant uprooting your children from school or them sharing rooms if they don't currently.
I also wouldn't buy a house big enough for all children to visit at once. A couple of spare rooms for older kids who have moved out is more than enough, they won't all be there at once. If you want to do big Xmases it will be cheaper to rent a huge house than pay for and maintain a big house that you hardly use most of.

No. Stay where you are. You all love the house and area and you have SEN children.

Downsize once they have left home if you like, but for now I wouldn't change the status quo. Holidays are fleeting, but home is home.

Agree. I wouldn’t plan to wrap my limited hard earned and hard held on to cash in with someone else’s blended family. Keep your finances and families separate. Can I assume that your BF is broke if there is no money for days out and holidays? Does he have his eyes on your equity?

How old are your DCs? Will they be independent and move out? Will their wealthy LL father provide housing for them or support getting them on the ladder? If so can you work to this so you are only downsizing once? Does their wealthy father provide materialistic holiday experiences for them already? Does this need to be doubled
up? Can you focus on low cost experiences?

Honestly I would 100% be protecting myself financially if your DCs have a wealthy father and wouldn’t be risking getting financially entangled with someone else and their family at your age - you have a lot to lose.

Can you rent out a room?

I can relate to the idea of downsizing to be mortgage free but would rather have a small house in the nicest green area, than a large house in a horrid area.

Depending where you live there are lots of ways of doing this that are less intrusive to family life. There is a website Mon to Fri for people who need to be somewhere for work so not around weekends. Nowadays might not even be more than 3 nights. Also when we were young my mum would host students for a couple of months over the summer - with both you can earn up to £7500/year tax free. My mum used this money to take us on holiday. My next door neighbours put there teens in a tent in the back garden to accommodate the students!

If you property is in a nice area you could also AirBnB it whilst away. Don’t even need to be in a tourist area - often people hire one to visit family or even to get their kitchen / bathroom refurbished. I have seen a few families on instag who do this - they travel frequently and have a ‘system’ to pack away personal stuff. Or again depending where you are there are house swap websites. Don’t move twice - it rinses your equity. Nice areas IMHO hold their value well. Have you calculated how much your house has increased in value every 5 years? It might be more than what you are earning and is tax free. Can’t remember if you have a mortgage - could you extend the term to reduce your monthly payments to give yourself some breathing space.

Thanks for all the comments and advice. I can’t seem to quote messages as I’m on my phone.
Renting out a room short term could be an option when one of them goes to Uni. My eldest will most likely be dependent long term so may need an annexe or similar to live in as he struggles day to day although this might change.

My boyfriend is skint after his divorce but he does pay for the odd thing for me as he earns more than me. We have discussed leaving our equity to our own children and I have already done my Will so he’s aware he won’t get any cash from me. 😂
My ex does take the children on trips away but they don’t get along with him particularly well so as they have got older they are seeing less and less of him and he was never a co parent anyway more of a come and go as I like kind of co parent.
I think it’s best to stay put and re-consider my options in 5 years or so when some of my children may be more independent. ( hopefully)

Don’t be buying a house for you all 👀 keep everything separate. Sounds like a plan for 5+ years away not a need right now situation. A lot can change in 5 years including house prices, sit on what you have and keep the routine which is important for SEN kids.

Op I was a lone parent for a long time I agree you are making the right decision to stay put for now. In terms of holidays my SEN DD loves the peace of camping/ camper van type trips, you can find decent prices on second hand family tents etc if that’s something you could consider.

You have a decent amount of equity in your house. My advice would be not to buy with your partner unless he can match your contribution to the next house. You have more to lose if the relationship breaks down, and we don’t yet know how the law will change for cohabiting couples.

Will you still be able to afford to run that house when your children leave ft education and child maintenance stops?