How do lone parents cope with loneliness

[ThisSnugSeal]

Loneliness… how do you cope with it?
I don’t really have any friends or family around me. I have my grandparents, who I speak to on the phone, and I’m incredibly grateful for them, but other than that, it’s just me.
I go to work, I come home, and that’s pretty much my routine.
Evenings can feel really lonely. Weekends can feel even worse when you’re sitting at home by yourself with nowhere to go and nobody to make plans with.
I can’t afford memberships to gyms, clubs or lots of the things people suggest when you say you’re lonely, so sometimes it feels like there aren’t many options.
I’m not necessarily looking for sympathy. I’d genuinely love to hear from people who have been in the same position.

How do you cope with loneliness? How did you start meeting people or building a social life when you had very little money and no real support network? ❤️

I'm in the exact same situation. I don't have any solutions sorry but I know exactly how you feel.

My family all live in a different country and see each other all the time, and I get envious of that but I seriously couldn't stand to live where they do so moving isn't an option!
I've been thinking of starting to go to a church on Sundays.

I try to get out with the child as much as possible at weekends so we've always got something planned, even if it is child-friendly plans. That helps.

How old are your children? Does their dad have them at any point? Walking groups are free and there can be book clubs via your local library. Are you geographically close to your grandparents?

My children are 13, 8 & 4.5
Dad/Dads family aren’t involved.
Last summer I did try to attend a few groups, like walking/book clubs and took my children with me but they’d become bored themselves, and I was then asked not to bring them to another group as it was an adults only group.
No my Grandparents don’t live in the UK

Don’t your kids attend clubs? Most of my socialising at the minute is at the clubs/club socials basically with the adults of the other kids in the clubs

I’m in a very similar position to you OP, except I’ve managed to build a less lonely life for myself and you totally can too. I’m a single parent to a 5 yo boy. We escaped a seriously abusive relationship with ds’s dad 3 years ago. We basically had to go into a sort of self-imposed witness protection program. We moved across the country to a small town where we know no one and no one apart from my parents and brother know where we are. It was very difficult and lonely at first. But, by going to the same toddler groups every single week without fail i eventually made some really good, genuine friendships. Since my DS has started school I’ve made mum friends by going to the playground every single day after school, where all the parents hang out while their kids play. Even if you’re shy, if you make yourself part of the furniture somewhere people will start talking to you and you’ll eventually make friends.

Do you like playing sports? Team sports are an excellent (and cheap) way to make new friends. I joined a local sports team and have made a number of friends through that. My weekends are now often taken up by playing games, there’s regular socials, and I can bring my son along to training.

Aside from making new friends though, I’ve also learnt to enjoy my own company. I now love chilling on the sofa with a bottle of wine watching a good tv series. I think it’s helpful to keep the things you’re grateful for at the forefront of your mind. It really helps me to think about how grateful I am that I’m not still stuck in that horrible situation with my ex and how proud of myself I am that I got my son and I out of it and managed to build this new life for us. Also, accepting that if you work at changing things, change will come. It may not happen overnight but it will happen. So it’s important to keep that in your mind. Hope is really important. It’s our driving force.

I’ve also developed a really special bond with my son and love spending the day just the two of us, going on a walk, seeing his joy at all the different insects and flowers he spots, then cuddling up on the sofa with him watching a Disney film. I don't feel lonely when I’m with him and I tell myself that he’ll never be this little again so to try and make the most of it.

I also know people who’ve met good friends on bumble friends, so that might be worth a try.

Another thing I’ve learnt since moving is to be totally self-reliant and not dependent on anyone else for my emotional or practical needs. It’s a really empowering feeling

My youngest two attend kickboxing, but you don’t stay, you can sit outside in the corridor to wait but I haven’t seen any other parents do that? They only started 3 weeks ago. I’m not sure if maybe parents wait somewhere else. I’ve spoken to one mum but she says she uses the hour to go do her food shopping, so thought of doing the same.

Ah. We don’t attend school. My children are home educated. They attend a home education childminder 3 times a week while I’m at work.

I absolutely love my own company. I’ve been on my own in the UK now 4 years. We came back to England to flee a domestic abusing marriage. We left the country I’d lived in for 10 years to come back here. No one but my Grandparents know where we are.

How do you attend sports clubs? Do you use childminders? Our childminder closes at 5pm, I think I may need to look at getting a Nanny

Can you tap into the home educator network and find friends that way? I think there's a kind of skill swapping arrangement in many places - you teach my kids maths, I'll teach your kid cooking, that sort of thing.

Do the children have SEN? Do you not have a strong homeschooling network. Homeschooling does not seem appropriate without a significant network for the kids. They will be feeling incredibly lonely too no?

It can feel a bit lonely can’t it? Like your whole life needs to be a secret. But I also found that quite liberating when we first moved - I had a completely blank slate to start from and I could be any version of myself I wanted.

I take my kids with me to my sports training. A few other players take their kids too so my DS has made some friends there and they all play together while we train. I think that’d be fine at most sports clubs.

Why would you perpetuate loneliness in your children by home educating? Put them in school and attend school events and volunteer for the PTA