Residency order - talk me through it

[TheThingOnTheIce]

Currently ds has no contact with exh due to his alcoholism .

He’s told me repeatedly he can’t afford to take me to court and I also have a feeling he won’t anyway as things he’s trying to hide may come out

this all works for me at the moment but I’m thinking about future holidays . I know he won’t give a permission how out of spite

if anyone has recently gone for a residency order can you please talk me through the process?

Hi @TheThingOnTheIce
I didn't get a residency order for my two when I divorced but I haven't had any problems taking them abroad. We literally just go.

I have a residency order and now a no conect order (that's a different story).
You can do some reasurch into one.

I think a residency order allows you to take a child out of the country for up to 30 days, from what I remember.

Why r u thinking of getting an order? Being an alcoholic wouldnt just stop you having contact with your child/s.

There are pros and cons in getting an order. Persoanlly I think its a last resort and only really useful if communication has totally broken down between you both or if there are real conserns.

@TickingKey46 he purposely tried to crash the car they were travelling in on the motorway

It's a child arrangements order now not a residency order. If you apply to court for an order and it's granted you'd be allowed to go out of the country for 28 days (I think) without his written consent. BUT you are supposed to go to mediation first, with only certain conditions to exclude this step, and if you do go to court you'd be bringing him right into your life and potentially into your child's life. You can't just apply for an order and automatically get what you want. He would have the right to request contact and would likely get it.
In reality, you can take him on holiday very easily without consent of the father, as this is a law that is only invoked when there is a reason ie a parent is actively trying to prevent a child being removed from the country.
Personally I would not poke the bear by applying to court. I would just live my life, take him on holiday and carry a fake letter from 'dad' on the very rare offchance I was ever asked for one.
I have crossed international borders with my DS dozens and dozens of times through his childhood and never once been asked for his father's consent. I know theoretically they can ask and occasionally they do but it's really rare.

Your ex can’t just withhold permission for the hell of it. Mine used to do that at the last minute but I took my daughter on holiday anyway. My process was to inform him in eg February that I would be taking a summer
holiday - place tbc - in eg June for X weeks and for him to let me know if there is any good reason I couldn’t. I would keep reminding him (I haven’t heard from you so I assume no objections given your silence), then the week before he would say you can’t go. I just went.

in the end I did seek a special issues order as a result of him trying to block a holiday but broadly I just went on them. It was stressful - I feel your pain

things for you to remember. Most countries won’t check but certain ones eg Canada and South Africa will check that you have formal permission (in the case of SA an actual solicitors letter).. so avoid them! And if you have an evidence trail of being reasonable, notifying him (not seeking permission!) in good time, then you won’t get in trouble.

keep the record - a notebook where you note time / date of all interactions with him. You may need it

I go on holiday with my children every year to Europe and they have a different surname to me and we have never been questioned.

however I knew a woman who has .

just fake a letter from your ex giving his consent and carry it in your passport .

i have a child arrangement order now for other issues. It is a hassle but I found the process to be ok.

honestly these awful men causing women and children so much grief because they are immature selfish twats. 🤬

This. I've taken ds to various countries across Europe with a fake letter and a copy of ds' birth certificate proving he is my child. DS has also been abroad with the school four times. No issues.

I was asked if he was my child once, returning home from skiing on Eurostar. I've never been asked if I had his father's permission.

I saw no reason to deny my child holidays because his father turned into a malicious, small minded knob.

You need legal advice from a specialist solicitor.

Whats in the divorce settlement about contact and were The Police involved in the attempted car crash.

My suggestion might be that if you can tie things up now it will stop him making a nuisance of himself later although it comes with cost and risk.

How old is your child?