Can I pop in here for a bit of support..not technically a lone parent full time but.....

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

DH works away and is away 23 days and home for 5 at the moment and I am struggling.
I feel like a single parent, DH will probably never work close to home again and he is away more than he is here.
I am permenantly shattered, DS is a poor sleeper and cannot speak yet and extremely frustrated when he cannot make hmself understood so is having some super tantrums which in trn is causing dd to play up to get a bit of attention.
I am feeling torn in different directions and any routine has just gone out the window which is just making my chaos at home worse. My house is a tip and I just cannot seem to get back on top of it.

I am not very good at telling people I need help it makes me feel vulnerable and open and that is something I am not very good at but I am stressed to my ears and could cry at times.

I know I am not really a lone parent but I thought you lovely people may understand a bit how I feel, I find it so hard sometimes doing it all on my own any tips on how to pul it all back together and get a bit of control back in my life?

oh, stop going on about it. You have had some comments you didn't like, other poeple have supported you. If you have some specific things you are struggling with I'm sure someone here will be able to help you. I am tired and grumpy.

Yeah so am I! It is not about comments I don't like god I have posted on AIBU so don't look for everyone to agree with me but this comeptition as to who is worse off was just churlish.
Like I said won't be back on this topic tomorrow which is a shame because some people have been genuinely lovely here today.

What bothers me is that it seems that many of those who are technically lone parents seem to have lost all ability to be charitable to others (apart from other lone parents). Is it impossible to give the OP some advice without getting so tetchy about it? I guess it says something about how hard it is being a lone parent (I was one for several years before anyone leaps on me -and I know it's tough).

Oh well if you insist that you know what it feels like when you've never experienced it, to people who are experiencing / have experienced it, you can't be surprised if some people respond to you somewhat testily...

If I went on one of the SN threads and said that although I've only got NT children, I know what it's like to have a child with SN because I know a few parents who do, or on the multi-racial families threads and told them I knew what it was like to have my children live with racism, even though mine are white and more or less British, I would expect to be met with a degree of scepticism. I'm occasionally told by childless people in RL where I'm going wrong with discipline, feeding etc., because of course they know far more about parenting than I do, seeing as how they do lots of babysitting. D'you see where I'm going with this?

As it happens I don't particularly mind people using that phrase "I feel like a LP" INACIALS, because I've done it myself and I can totally see where you're coming from. But if someone had pulled me up on it when I said it, I hope I'd have had enough respect for their experience and my lack of the same, to listen to them. But I don't want you to think I'm being mean to you for the sake of it, or being competitive about whose worse off or anything idiotic like that, so I'll try and shut up, I don't want to upset you any more than you have already been by this thread, I just want to explain to you where people might be coming from. I wish you all the best in sorting out your domestic arrangements and hope this thread at least gives you some good tips for managing.

Dear Ineedacleaneretc

Sorry you're having a sh*t time. It sounds like not much fun to me. From your name I can deduce that housework etc gets you down. Here are my tips:

• Find a place for everything and keep everything in its place.
• Clean/tidy little and often (this is key).
• Get rid of stuff that you don't use - give to charity shops/recycle/take down to the dump.

As William Morris said "Have nothing in your home that you do not believe to be beautiful or know to be useful" ... (or something like that!).

I can understand your situation a little; I'm single now and happier for it. Also have a good relationship with my ex, but never felt lonlier (sp?) than when I was with him and he was largely absent. I feel for you.

Cx

I suppose it is like being a bit pg - you are either pg or you aren't, you are either a lone parent or you aren't.
I think most posters gave you advice, including the poster that you seem most pissed off with.
My ex used to be away alot, although no where near as much as yours. I felt to an extent that I was somewhat like a lone parent - but knew that I had ALOT of advantages that a lone parent wouldn't. Now I am a lone parent I realise that I knew nothing!

Sorry, but just to buck the trend on this thread ... I now know that I'm a LOT happier being a "lone parent" than I was coupled up.

Ineedacleaner maybe come over to the Forces Sweethearts topic? Many of us over there have partners away for many months on end and can sympathise and support you.

Thanks Sidge ... nice, constructive post ...

Huh?? Are you being sarcastic?

I was just trying to offer an alternative forum for the OP to visit as I thought Forces might be more appropriate then Lone Parents.

No. Not being cynical at all. Funny world eh?

Sarcastic even ...

Very hard to tell when someone is being sarky or genuine on a post.

I'm still unsure in this instance.

I'm genuine! How can I prove it?

Sorry then

Feeling a bit sensitive tonight obviously. Ignore me I'm off to bed now!!

Oh Sidge, don't drop out on me now! Do you think OP will get back?

Where's your dh/dp?

Dunno do you think she'll come back? A couple of posts were quite fierce IMO.

My DH is duty today (he's in the Navy) so will be back tomorrow, but he sails on Monday and isn't back till August. I know I have it very different to a lone parent but I could see where the OP was coming from. It's very lonely being alone with children and running a household for months on end, especially with no communications, so I imagine she (the OP) thought that LPs might understand that loneliness.

So anyway why aren't you in bed??

I could also see where she was coming from, and have been there, but didn't think the other posters were harsh, and thought she was quite rude in return.
But then maybe my newly-lone status is influencing me!

Yes I agree it seemed to get a bit heated!

Cos I've been sooo bored all week ... I've been on half term duty . The weather's been crummy all week, my 3 year old (beautiful) son doesn't stop talking and for once I haven't planned enough things to do. A couple of play dates and that's been it. Not often I feel like this. But hey! I'll give myself a break.

FWIW I can't imagine having a life where my dh/dp is off fighting/doing dangerous things. I have a lot of respect for you carrying on in those circumstances.

ChasingSquirrels ... how's it going?

ah, will it is going, day by day, better than a couple of months ago, and hopefully will be better again in another couple of months. Time is a great healer I guess.

I respect all you lone parents too - it's bloody hard work doing it on your own isn't it?

Do you think we should have a group hug?