Can I pop in here for a bit of support..not technically a lone parent full time but.....

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

DH works away and is away 23 days and home for 5 at the moment and I am struggling.
I feel like a single parent, DH will probably never work close to home again and he is away more than he is here.
I am permenantly shattered, DS is a poor sleeper and cannot speak yet and extremely frustrated when he cannot make hmself understood so is having some super tantrums which in trn is causing dd to play up to get a bit of attention.
I am feeling torn in different directions and any routine has just gone out the window which is just making my chaos at home worse. My house is a tip and I just cannot seem to get back on top of it.

I am not very good at telling people I need help it makes me feel vulnerable and open and that is something I am not very good at but I am stressed to my ears and could cry at times.

I know I am not really a lone parent but I thought you lovely people may understand a bit how I feel, I find it so hard sometimes doing it all on my own any tips on how to pul it all back together and get a bit of control back in my life?

tbh at the moment the doing it on my own is the easy bit, it is the handing my kids over to ex and not having them with me that I am finding the hardest. That and the total lack of comprehension as to why it happened and the complete shock of the whole situation.
Although I am obviously not compeletly on my own as ex does have the dc's and my family are nearby (thank god).

Listen Sidge, you only respect people that YOU think warrant respect. I hate this idea that's prevalent nowadays that everybody DESERVES respect. They don't. Respect is earned. Kids in London, from a certain type of background, are killing themselves over "lack of respect" etc. It's bullshit. It's more than that. It's really quite desperate.

i'm not calling - but r u ok?

this is bizarre. happynow wtf are you doing?

Just having a nice evening.

um... its not usual on MN to give a number out like that. Why do you want people to call you? Whst's the deal?

hmm...

have you seen the ring? I am not calling you because I am worried your phone is hooked up to some sort of supernatural system whereby I will get sucked down the wires into eternal hell.

But I am a people person too!

hehe

that's ok!

we'll have to leave it to the imagination.

night!

Um yeah thanks for the 'respect' pep talk, I do understand about earning respect, not blindly expecting it. I suppose I should have written "I respect what many lone parents do" but it was late, I was tired and typed too quickly.

This thread has gone rather strange.

who is happy now? and is she/he happy now?

I'm sorry but I agree with Gilly's post. I have been a lone parent since my son was born and he doesn't see his father. I understand it must be hard for you and I do sympathise but it is not like being a lone parent. I have to pay all the bills which means I have to work much more than I want and I want to spend more time with my son.

I had really severe pheumonia and bronchitus a few months ago and had noone to help apart from a few hours with my son spending with friends. My doctor suggested foster care for a few weeks (which was out of the question) but I felt near to. I also have friends who don't see much of their partners and think that they are like lone parents. The reason they don't though is because their partner is working to pay the bills which I have to do as well as look after my son.

I know this sounds unsympathetic and I'm sorry I'm not but it just is nothing like being a lone parent!

wtf is going on with happynow?

To Ineedacleaner: What the hell does your DH do? He left 5 days ago and won't be back til August, you can't call him, or even text him?

Said I wouldn't come back to this but will only to answer your questions DSM.
He is a welder, sometimes in this country sometimes he is abroad sometimes offshore. Can text but he is not allowed phone on sites during the time he is working so if I text if he abroad it may be different time zone etc or is same/similar does not have phone at all when offshore.
He lives in digs when away so only phone he has is mobile and for the past few months he has been somewhere with no signal so have to wait until he walks to the call box once a day.
It is just the way it worked out everyone he served his time with are all working away now it is the only way to make money in his line of work just now.

Bloody hell. Well, I can only assume that the money he earns makes it worthwhile.

And, by the same assumption, I would suggest you get some help, maybe a cleaner or childcare for a day or two a week, more if you preferred. Maybe one day to get on top of things, and another day for yourself, get your hair done, get a massage, go shopping, meet friends, relax. Whatever it might be.

I would also suggest getting a satellite phone rather than a standard mobile, it will work out cheaper for calls and (almost) always get a signal, even offshore. Might give you more peace of mind and you could talk much more regularly. Either that, or communicate by daily email, maybe he could get a blackberry.

Ineeda

1. huge hugs
2. You are a fantastic mum
3. You are not a lazy slattern!

1. Lack of routine. Try and keep to a bedtime routine, as another poster said. Tired kids mean more stress for mum. Have a rough timetable in your head, but don't worry if it isnt exactly stuck to (mine is to start getting ready between 7 and 7.30, bed 8 at the latest but ds is 6). Other than that, maybe have an activity that happens on particular days (Monday = shopping day) but no more rigid than that

1. Messy house. Divide your house up into days, and only do those rooms on that day. EG Monday - bedrooms, Tuesday Living room, Wednesday Kitchen, Thursday Bathroom, Hall Stairs Landing, Friday Living room, Saturday Kitchen. If ds will spend time on his own, or with dd, playing or watching tv , for 10 or 15 minutes then set yourself a timer and spend that time working on the room(s) in question. Alternatively give yourself 45 minutes at the end of the day to blitz that room. If the house is as bad as you say and 45 minutes doesnt do it all, it will still be a lot better than when you started, and you can carry on the next time.

1. Do you have any family or friends nearby who could give you a short break? Do you know anyone with a child a similar age to ds? Could you look after their child for an hour or two, and then they do the same for you? Nursery for ds is another (good IMO, if you can afford it) option, as others have suggested.

1. Give yourself time to enjoy your children. If it is raining, stick on wellies and coats and go jump in the puddles. Put a roll of wallpaper out in the garden and paint pictures on it. 'Paint' pictures in the garden with water in squirty bottles. Not every day, but once in a while do something different, fun and (almost) spontaneous with them.

1. If you want you can have my email/messanger id. Im online nearly every night (lone mum to a ds aged 6 - this gives me access to my mates) and am always willing to talk and lend a shoulder if you have had a bad day.

Sorry if its a bit long . I dont post often, but when I do, I seem to make up for it .

Remember
You are a fantastic mum
You are not a lazy slattern, just a mum doing her best.

Leanne

Leanne, you have got some fantastic suggestions thank you and someone to chat to would be lovely thank you.

God, MNers can be vile.

Night night Ineedacleaner... hope tomorrow is much better for you and the lovely advice you have been given here outweighs the sniping about who exactly gets the worst deal

Sounds like you're having a really tough time xxx

happynow (not safe to give your phone number - hope you're ok)

Ineeda

Feel free to send me an email to [email protected] (yes 2 c at the beginning), and I will give you my msn addy. Im not gonna be on much this week, but normal sevice will resume next week (every night)

Leanne