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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Does anyone worry that they will never meet a new partner???

64 replies

charlotte121 · 27/05/2008 11:59

There are so many fears going through my mind about trying to find a new partner when i feel ready.
Im only 20 so theres pleanty of time but what if guys of my age dont want the baggage of 2 children? I dont want to be alone forever and i want some finanacial stability and someone to be able to enjoy life with.
I also worry about perves around my kids... you hear so many awful stories. how do you learn to trust someone with your precious children?
I know im probs over reacting, but my dad died when i was younger and my mum never found anyone else... now i can see how miserable and lonely she is and i really dont want to end up like that!

OP posts:

lostdad · 27/05/2008 12:16

Definitely...I have already ended up a couple of potential relationships because it was clear my son would have had to come second.

Like I said before - anyone who tries to make me choose between them and my son is going to come second!

piratecat · 27/05/2008 12:20

yes me, i get very sad thinking that noone will love me again.

Original poster

charlotte121 · 27/05/2008 12:26

It just frightens me. Exp was 6 years older than me and since we split has easily moved on...I find that in itself quite hurtful as he made out that he was madly in love with me yet found it so easy to move on.
I just cant see any 20 year old lads wanting to be part of my life with the toddler classes, bottle sterilising and bedtime routine. It not exactly exiting is it... and anytime i want to go out its like organising an artic expedition to go anywhere... and as for childminding thats even more difficult to find. The prospect of spending the next 60 years alone really scares me. Lets hope I can make my business a sucess once i have passed my degree and then the men will want me for my riches

OP posts:

piratecat · 27/05/2008 12:35

charlotte, your fears are natural and I am sorry you wer elet down. Ther are so many of us. There will be someone for you, the right person at the right time.

I am 39, and def on the shelf, as guys my sort of age are few and far between. Def lots of scope for you at 20!!

Original poster

charlotte121 · 27/05/2008 12:43

just get a bit jealous of my friends who are out there having fun... the only time i get out is going over to my mums or the odd occasion we go out for a family meal. My previous realtionship isolated me from alot of my friends and as a consiquence i hardly see any of them. It just gets a bit lonely... no mates... no fella and the only conversation is between me and an 11 month old...and in about 5 days time a new born! (stress) thank god for mumsnet!

OP posts:

Cosette · 27/05/2008 12:44

don't worry - you will find someone, and someone who accepts that your DCs are part of the deal. Just don't look too hard - keep busy doing things you enjoy and seeing friends, and sooner or later you'll meet someone.

I split up with exDH at 32 when DDs were 3 and 1, met DH at 36, got married at 39 and had DS at 40, and I definitely was worried about meeting anyone ever again - it is only natural.

You have masses of time, so just relax, and enjoy the freedom of living on your own!

Original poster

charlotte121 · 27/05/2008 12:52

thankyou I want the works... the white wedding, nice detached house, dog... the perfect little family. (not yet obviously) OOoOoHhhH and loads more babies
Not sure if there is a man out there to suit that criterior but hey its worth a look.
Im just keeping my faith in the fact that in a few weeks time i can go out and have a fun girly night out and perhaps pull some sexy man. Im not looking for a relationship at all right now being prenant plus i would probs frighten any potential fellas off. I just want a bit of fun :D (no one night stands or anything... just incase u were wondering. I dont do that kinda thing )

OP posts:

Pinkchampagne · 27/05/2008 16:07

I am sure you will find a new partner in time. You are only very young still, so have plenty of time.

Not all men are put off by women having children.
I am 35 (so much older than you!) with two boys, and met the lovliest man, just months after my separation.
He has no children of his own, but was not put off by the fact I did, and is by far the lovliest person I have ever been out with!

You will meet someone in time, so don't panic, and like Cosette says, don't look too hard as you are most likely to meet someone when you're least expecting to!

Original poster

charlotte121 · 27/05/2008 16:26

hope so i like surprises... although i dont want anymore supprises in the shape of a bump for the time being... 2 in 2 years is deffinately enough for now Im not very sucessful when it comes to contraception... it seems to plot against me. I think about the only person who has managed to concieve whilst trying out so many different forms of contraception... dc1 was on the pill and took it religiously at the same time every day, still got pg... dc2 aka the bump condom split and morning after pill failed so im obv meant to have my 2 little sprogs! plus exp has trojan sperm!!!

OP posts:

singledadofthree · 27/05/2008 18:12

charlotte youre far too young to be bothered by such thoughts.

and piratey, you'll have to squish up a bit on the shelf, as i at 41 also feel that way now and then. tho we're far too good, comical and altogether brilliant to be here forever

OverMyDeadBody · 27/05/2008 18:18

I agree with singledadofthree, you are way to young to be worrying abou tsuch things, you have both time and age on your side!

I have now accepted that I will never meet a man that I would want to spend the rest of my life with, so it isn't a worry as such

PersonalClown · 27/05/2008 18:21

Believe me I felt the same when XP left me and Ds. That coupled with Ds being diagnosed as having Autism really made me pessimistic.
I was on my own for about 5 years, during which I realised what I wanted, became much stronger and was not going to settle for average or just there (like my mother wanted).

Then I met up with an old friend by chance after quite a few years. The assertiveness came in handy then when I FINALLY told him how I had always felt about him. We are now together, taking things nice and slow, enjoying that early part of the realtionship without the nervousness of being disappointed.

We both have kids around the same age so we both know our priorites etc but still have time/energy to be a fun, new couple IWKWIM.

It'll happen, just when you're not looking for it. There are some good people out there. Trust Me!!!

Crikey that was a bit of an essay!!

allgonebellyup · 27/05/2008 18:35

charlotte i was 20 and on my own with my dd, and thought i wouldnt meet anyone.. but i did and we got married a year later and then had ds..

(sadly it has all gone wrong ,and i am on my own again at 29 and facing all the same fears about being alone again!)

NoLongerMyFirstPost · 27/05/2008 19:27

I'm sure you don't need to worry charlotte, as others have said, you have youth on your side!

Whereas at 36, fast approaching 37, I am really starting to worry!! Is there room for one more on that shelf piratecat and singledadofthree?!

gillybean2 · 29/05/2008 14:20

Might need to make more room, at 37 soon to be 38 and with no social life and no prospect of one due to lack of money and babysitters I am firmly on that shelf for sure. The dust has been settled around me for quite some time now too...

lou33 · 29/05/2008 14:24

nope i am not worried

i have had one relationship and a fair few dates in the 2.5 years since i split with my h, but tbh it is not something i feel i need to make my life "complete"

if it happens it happens, if it doesn't, that's fine

i am 41, at 20 i really dont think you need to be concerned just yet, you have plenty of dating years left

Cosette · 29/05/2008 15:45

well if it helps, my Mum and Dad got divorced when they were 48 and 53 respectively. They both found new partners and remarried about 6 or 7 years ago, and 13 years on are all very happy. So don't get too comfortable on that shelf...

Cosette · 29/05/2008 15:46

sorry that should have been 6 or 7 years later

Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2008 15:46

I must say, I had exactly the same attitude as you, lou, after ex H & myself separated. I was in no rush at all, and thought I would probably stay single for a long time. That was until I walked right into my lovely new partner, and everything changed!

usgirls · 29/05/2008 16:38

Well, I'm 42 and dd is 1 next month, so I'm having my shelf custom made, may as well be comfortable if I'm going to be spending the rest of my life on it

goingbonkers · 29/05/2008 22:21

Hey come on people... less talk of shelves please!! My 42 yr old friend (with no dc's)has just met a fab guy with 2 dc's so there's def hope there for all single people regardless of age or kids..

Not wanting to gloat too much... I am 27 and had been single for 4 yrs with a dd now aged 3.5yrs - I met a fabulous man 2 months ago with 2 dc's and we have just been on our 1st holiday together. It feels like we have known eachother all our lives and we know we have a very long future together. We are already making plans.

I thought I was quite content being single and was merely trying to prove the point to myself when I met him and BANG! I Met the man of my dreams!! So unexpected, but so right!

Good luck ladies and gents - put down the hammers and nails, you won't be needing those shelves!
...and Gillybean - maybe treat that shelf to a dust! A whiff of Mr Sheen may be all it takes! xx

Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2008 22:28

Blimey, GB, a holiday already!! I am pleased all is going well for you - I was wondering how you were getting on.

Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2008 22:29

IME, you often do meet someone when you think you are content being single!

goingbonkers · 29/05/2008 22:32

Sorry haven't been on here for ages!! I just haven't had the time!!!!

It's going more than well! The DC's get on really well and we have spent every possible moment together! Get looking for a hat....!

Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2008 22:33

Excellent, GB, I am pleased it is going so well! Can't believe it has been 2 months!

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