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Original poster

Does anyone worry that they will never meet a new partner???

64 replies

charlotte121 · 27/05/2008 11:59

There are so many fears going through my mind about trying to find a new partner when i feel ready.
Im only 20 so theres pleanty of time but what if guys of my age dont want the baggage of 2 children? I dont want to be alone forever and i want some finanacial stability and someone to be able to enjoy life with.
I also worry about perves around my kids... you hear so many awful stories. how do you learn to trust someone with your precious children?
I know im probs over reacting, but my dad died when i was younger and my mum never found anyone else... now i can see how miserable and lonely she is and i really dont want to end up like that!

OP posts:
singledadofthree · 29/05/2008 22:39

goingbonkers!!!!

am well chuffed

have just finished work - am knackered but now grinning like a loon - keep us updated.

goingbonkers · 29/05/2008 22:49

Ah there you are SDof3!!! Nice to hear from you! How are you? I will def keep you posted!

And pinkchampagne - we can't believe it's only been 2 months either! On our holiday we were totally like a married couple (in a nice way!) We crossed a few of those lines (ie breaking wind etc) and I haven't laughed so much in ages! It's nice to have some one that shares my slightly odd sense of humour too!

We are planning an 'adult only' weekend away and there's talk of getting engaged by the end of the year!! I know it's all a bit fast but we just know it feels right!

Is that enough gossip to be going on with...?

Pinkchampagne · 30/05/2008 07:53

Blimey - planning engagement!! All sounds very serious stuff!

Glad all is going so well for you. I had a lovely adult weekend away in Rome with my man, 6 months into our relationship. We would go away more, but our work holidays don't match up.

Anyway, I am really pleased for you, GB! Hope all continues to go well - sounds very positive atm!

MummyJules · 30/05/2008 12:28

Charlotte, I understand your fears. I would so love to be in relationship but find it so difficult to meet men who are suited! Have you tried internet dating?

MummyJules · 30/05/2008 12:32

Goingbonkers - thats fabulous news. Congratulations.

madmuggle · 30/05/2008 14:04

I don't worry about it because I'm utterly unconcerned by having a partner again. More to life and all that

thewiltedrose · 30/05/2008 14:10

I had two kids and found a new partner, it didnt last but it shows that there are men out there willing to try just make sure u pick somone mature enough to do it! Im 20 too so ive got lots of time to look again but im sorting out my life first.

TwoIfBySea · 30/05/2008 22:22

Well I'm 36 and have a horrible feeling that I will be alone. I would love to have what I thought I had with exdh, someone to share life with, perhaps another couple of dcs, a happy life.

As it is I need to be content with it being me and dts.

Exdh is fine though, always will land on his feet that one. Moved in with new gf one month after walking out on us and their baby will be due just past the one year mark of our separation. This being the man who didn't want any more children. That does tick me off more than it should.

IllegallyBrunette · 30/05/2008 22:26

I am pretty sure I won't meet anyone.

My mum and dad divorced about 15 yrs ago and since the my dad hasn't had one single relationship, and my mum remarried and it lasted 2 weeks, so it is entirly possible to end up on the shelf how ever much you don't want to.

Some people are lucky some aren't.

lou33 · 30/05/2008 23:20

But is it so awful to be alone?

Am i going against the grain by thinking it isnt the end of the world , and my life will still continue, and be worthwhile, if i dont have a partner?

Pinkchampagne · 30/05/2008 23:29

I was of the same thinking as you totally, lou. I really wasn't bothered about meeting anyone else, and felt I just needed to find myself as an individual after being with someone for so long.
It all went a bit pear shaped after meeting my new man, but I would happily still be single if I hadn't met him.

Pinkchampagne · 30/05/2008 23:30

Guess he is not such a new man now! It has been getting on for 10 months now! How time flies!!

lou33 · 30/05/2008 23:33

omg really pc?!

turquoise · 30/05/2008 23:42

I very much doubt I'll have a long term relationship with anyone.

But I'm with Lou - it's hardly the worst thing that can happen. I have a full and rich life, I just don't have a partner. I spent 20 years with a partner and was lonely, miserable and unfulfilled. I have made so much more of my life since we split up, and I don't regret a thing.

I do have moments of feeling lonely and miserable, but find the way out of that (eventually) is to focus on what I have got, not what I haven't. Hope that doesn't sound up myself, it isn't meant to.

I do date, but have sadly developed impossibly high standards just when I can least afford them - but that's tough. No settling, and if that means alone forever, so be it.

LittleBella · 31/05/2008 00:03

LOLOL turquoise, that is so funny, about developing high standards just when you can't afford them. When I was young and slim and beautiful, with a great career, I shagged the most appalling blokes absolutely indiscriminately. Now I'm old and fat and poor and frighten the horses when I disrobe, I look with a baleful eye at the likes of George Clooney and Johnny Depp and conclude they probably fall short of my high standards.

I'm with you and Lou and all the others who don't fear being alone - I'm convinced my life is as full and happy and fulfilled and worthwhile as a single woman, as it would be if I were a partnered woman.

Having said that OP, at 20 you've got years and I very much doubt that you won't find someone.

lou33 · 31/05/2008 00:50

after 17.5 years with the same man, which ended appallingly, i just think i would rather be single than get into anything for the sake of it, being on the shelf doesnt even enter my mind

being me again does

mummyfantastico · 31/05/2008 05:22

I am loving being single after 7 years of marriage, and I'm quite happy to be single for ever and ever.
I'm 28 now and the thought of never being in another relationship doesn't bother me at all.
However, there was one thing I missed, so I found myself a "friend with benefits"

IllegallyBrunette · 31/05/2008 09:28

Being alone for ever would bother me yes, I would be devestated infact.

I must confess I don't quite understand the 'finding yourself first stuff'.

I know who I am, I am someone who hates being alone and on the shelf at 29 LOL.

At the same time, I am so determined not to settle for less than what I really want this time, that I highly doubt I will ever be part of a couple again.

turquoise · 31/05/2008 09:50

A friend with benefits definitely helps.

Illegally brunette - i think it's the 'finding yourself stuff' that has brought me to the point where I have enough self respect not to view myself as 'alone and on the shelf'. Or rather, to realise that being alone (many people's greatest fear) is hugely empowering - and it's actually a choice not an accident.

madmuggle · 31/05/2008 10:00

Agree with turquoise. If I ever start viewing myself as a commodity I think I'll have the vet put me down. On the shelf indeed :/

ChasingSquirrels · 31/05/2008 10:10

I am newly single (a couple of months) after a 17 yr relationship.
TBH I assume that at some point I WILL meet someone that I want to share my life with. I am not looking atm (still very emotionally unstable), and I am scare about looking. But I don't doubt that there will be someone (or more ) in the future.

IllegallyBrunette · 31/05/2008 10:23

Perhaps I have no self respect then

ChasingSquirrels · 31/05/2008 10:30

it doesn't sound like that IB, it is just a choice of words.
To me you are saying that you want to share your life with someone (as I do), but that you aren't prepared to settle for shite.
Sounds self-respectful to me.
I do agree on the find yourself bit though, you need to be happy in yourself, I'm not saying that you aren't.

Pinkchampagne · 31/05/2008 10:50

Unbelievable isn't it, lou - don't know where the time has gone!! Do you remember me having my little "Aaaarrrgghh, this may turn into a relationship, and I don't think I'm ready" wobble on my third date?!!

LB - after over 11 years of being in a relationship with ex H, just over 7 years of which we were married, I felt a strong need to discover who I was as an individual again. I really didn't want to be part of a couple again for a while - I wanted to find "me" again.
Also, like lou, I had been in a bad relationship (as I know you were too), and the thought of ending up in a similar position again wasn't appealling! I just had no desire to hurry into another relationship at al, and would have happily stayed single, if the right person hadn't walked straight into me!

Pinkchampagne · 31/05/2008 10:52

IB, not LB, sorry!

And Mr Right is constantly abandoning me atm for his bloody ball games, so you can still find yourself on your blimmin todd an awful lot of the time! It is not a cure to lonliness!!