Does anyone worry that they will never meet a new partner???

[charlotte121]

There are so many fears going through my mind about trying to find a new partner when i feel ready.
Im only 20 so theres pleanty of time but what if guys of my age dont want the baggage of 2 children? I dont want to be alone forever and i want some finanacial stability and someone to be able to enjoy life with.
I also worry about perves around my kids... you hear so many awful stories. how do you learn to trust someone with your precious children?
I know im probs over reacting, but my dad died when i was younger and my mum never found anyone else... now i can see how miserable and lonely she is and i really dont want to end up like that!

Well I am happily single and intend to stay that was (was happily single for a long time before having DS and see no reason to change).
However, for those of you who want a partner, it can be done. There are nice men out there who will be happy to meet a woman with DC: men who are broody and love kids anyway, men who love kids but are infertile, men who are single dads... While there are arsehole men, cocklodgers and the occasional predator as well, the majority of human beings are basically OK. A friend of mine who was also a single mum met a single dad via Guardian Soulmates and they are now happily married and contemplating having another baby together.

I don't think my man fits any of those descriptions! He isn't broody (at least I hope not!!), but is good with children, no idea if he is fertile or not as he has never tried for a baby (his ex wife was very career minded & the topic of children never came up), and he obviously has no children of his own. However, he has always said that the fact I had two children wasn't an issue for him at all. He is just generally a blimmin lovely man!

I don't quite understand though why people think it shows a lack of self respect or that you aren't happy with yourself if you'd rahter be in a relationship.

Being alone is the hardest part of being a single mum for me. Harder than being a 24/7 parent, harder than having no money, everything.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with that, but people seem to think that wanting another relationship is a weakness.

I know that this is just my personality. I hated being alone as a child too. If my best friend went out for the day or on holiday, I was distraught at having to be alone for how ever long.

I do enjoy spending some time on my own now, especially as I have children, but ultimatly, I would like to find someone to share my life with.

That said, I am aware that this does somewhat cloud my judgement when looking for men, which is why I decided to step away from the internet dating sites at least until my kids are old enough for any mistakes I make not to effect them.

I see what you're saying, some people don't like being alone (I have always quite liked to chill in peace!) but you can still be alone quite a lot when in a relationship, so it isn't a quick fix to lonliness.

I have been with my DP for nearly 10 months, and I am alone all week as he lives in a different town & works evenings, while I work in the day. Then Saturdays he plays cricket through the summer, so I don't see him until Saturday evenings, sometimes quite late, depending where he is playing.
Just because I have a partner, doesn't mean I am not alone!
I imagine this can be the case for lots of couples where one partner works funny work shifts or/and has lots of hobbies.

I don't think that wanting a relationship is a weakness, but I do feel you need to be happy with yourself first, which is kind of what I mean about "finding yourself". You can kind of lose yourself as an individual when you have been with someone a very long time.

I am waffling garbage, but I know what I mean!

Little Bella - yes I am the same as you when young and slimmish was not fussy now have very high standards. I have a much better idea of what and who I am looking for.

I actually cannot imagine a man living with me and how it would work out with DCs. I imagine he would be a bit like the elephant in the room.

And I would be so scared that it would end badly again, the sex would disappear or turn out like my awful marriage.

EX H just came to collect the boys for his 24hr weekend (!) and managed in the space of about 30mins to say we were a 'farside' family, upset DS1 because his white shoes were slightly dirty and generally we were bickering the whole time he was here . And to criticise me for not providing them with lunch (we got up very late today as we were out a family type event last night)

But would not say no to something like PCs set up. Sounds great PC.

There is someone I have very strong feelings for but even with him I could see it being a very bumpy ride if he were to live here.

Think I would like someone to stay in their own place while I kept mine. Until the kids are older.

Oh I wouldn't want to rush into living with someone either. I am amazed how quickly some people seem to jump to that huge step!

Luckily we both have our own houses. When I go over & stay at his, while boys are with their dad, it is like I am somewhere a million miles away from my day to day life & I love it!

IB, I wasn't being rude to you, I just find the concept of being 'past it' or 'on the shelf' to be rather derogatory towards women and men.

I see myself as an individual, and it has taken effort to do so. Any future shenanigans in the relationships stakes will have to take into account that I come first, and that I will not relinquish my space and peace

I have been seperated from h for about 6 weeks now and cannot really see how i could ever trust another man.

Also the thought of trying to meet someone!! i would'nt know where to start. Finding some one who would'nt mind the fact i have 3 young children and then introducing him too them, the thought turns my stomach.

It is really early days for me atm, i don't want to be alone but i don't want anew man and i hate my h for what he has done to me and my children so i'm stuck!!

The whole introducing the children thing, is something that worried me too, AC. Nearly a year into the relationship, there has been little contact between the boys & my new P. They have met him in little bursts, and like him, but I am being careful to introduce them very slowly. I want to concentrate on making sure we are solid as a couple before I involve the children too much, so for the first year, that is what I am doing.

i think i will

have potential date lined up but i am to to scared to make a final plan as i know i will probably be sick with nerves, and i dont know how i will ever have the courage to meet someone... even though i feel ready to after 3 years single...

chocolatespiders - sorry to hijack but tell me about homestart. about the volunteering bit. nearest 'office' whatever is 10 miles from me. same for gingerbread in opposite direction - am in the sticks.

thinking of volunteering and meet criteria - the having kids bit (sp for 14 years) but mean in a practical sort of way - am a handyman/gardener etc, as well as being able to handle kids.
any suggestions?

was there a homestart thread? i will try and find it and post on there

come over to homestart thread in parenting and i will do my best to answer your questions