Ex partner formally refused me taking my son on holiday.

[lockdownmummax]

Hi there,

just a but of a back story.

my ex is in prison for serious assault on my son, my son had 4 fractured ribs at 10 weeks old, my ex was convicted and is serving a custodial sentence.

myself and my son do not have any form of contact with him or any of his parental family at all. I am taking my son away on holiday to turkey, package holiday, and my solicitor advised me I would have to gain formal consent due to my ex partner being very controlling and she felt it was in my best interests so it didn’t cause me problems, he has formally declined this through his solicitor with no explanation as to why. I have a court hearing soon to get permission through the court, anyone have any insight into if I will be allowed via the court? what reason could he possibly give to say I can’t take my son on holiday.

due to what happened to my son I had to have a parenting assessment which all came back positive and I worked with social services to get my son safe, my son lives with me full time and I have residency for him and also a NHO with power of arrest against my ex partner, and a no contact order for my son for my ex partner.

a psychologist report was done on my ex and it clearly stated he was controlling and shouldn’t be around children, so I’m just hoping the court takes this into consideration.

the only thing I can think of is that my son had asthma, he is 2. However he is on a wheeze plan and I have managed that perfectly fine since birth, I have brought my son up alone since he was 10 weeks old with no reports or evidence to say I’m not capable, the reports say the opposite as a matter of fact. I am also going with my dad on holiday too so I won’t be alone, and I qualify as a nurse in less than a year so I’m more than capable of managing my sons asthma, I also paid extra to have a hotel with a dr’s inside the hotel for that reason,
any tips of advice ?. Similar stories, so devastated my sons been through an awful time in his short life and I’m trying to give him a better childhood with taking him on holiday for happy memories and this POS is still trying to destroy our lives

I can’t imagine in your circumstances that the judge will say anything other than “have a lovely time”. Honestly. Try not to worry. Let us know how it goes. X

I thought if you were a resident parent then you u could take your child out of the country for up to 28 days?

@twigsandthat was my thoughts to, I am in Scotland though, however my solicitor said that the residency wouldn’t be enough and I either need his formal consent or a court order x

I think you need to ask the court to sever this man's parental responsibility. This is done very rarely but the fact that he has been convicted of this offense and that he is using his retained parental privileges to be deliberately cruel may be sufficient grounds.

@Delphigirli really hope so, just so disappointed, my court hearing is 4 days before our holiday so it’s cutting it very tight x

There is no reason a judge would say no, unless there was a risk you might abduct your child and try to take him out of the UK permanently.

If you're planning two weeks in Britanny, the judge will wish you well and send you off to the ferry.🙂

I'd be shocked if it resulted in anything other than a have fun, relax and enjoy the holiday comment from any sane judge. And we'll done on getting both your son and yourself away from that piece of shit.

@RareGoalsVergei am in the process of terminating his parental rights, it’s a long process though but we filed for court a couple of months ago, really hoping we can terminate his rights, this hasn’t been the only thing that happened, it took 1.5 years for his case to call in court at which point he was bailed, before his court hearing he messaged me threatening to attack my dad, and threatened me to a social worker, had to flee my home x

Why on earth did your solicitor advise this when he's in Prison!!?? Words fail me sometimes. I wouldn't sorry a bit, I'll give you my home (in SW Scotland) if a Judge rejects your case.

I would get a new solicitor, as resident parent you can take them away for up to 28 days (this is a UK thing not just England) unless the court order granting you residency prohibits it.

Your solicitor should be recommending you apply for his parental responsibility to be released

@Meadowfinchi am really hoping so, it is turkey are are going to so I’m wondering if he will say it’s an unsafe country, I’ve been to turkey many of times and our hotel is a very large complex we won’t have to leave x

This sounds bizarre. How would he have known you went on holiday? Does he have people on the outside keeping an eye on you?

@CombatBarbiei have no idea, it is turkey we are going to my solicitor said that due to having different surnames ( in process of getting this changed too) we may get stopped at border control, and with my ex being the way he is he would cause bother for me if caught, that is so kind of you x

@Hayley1256that is what I thought as well but my solicitor said that my residency wouldn’t be enough, she said it was illegal to take a child out the country without the other parents permission and due to us having different surnames we could get stopped at border control, I am in the process of terminating his parental rights just now x

@TwentyKittensi hope he doesn’t have tabs on me, my solicitor requested permission from his solicitor x

A residency order is enough assuming its part of a child arrangement order (a few of my friends have these), I really would get a different solicitor.

You’ll be totally fine. Any judge will wish you well and tell you to enjoy your holiday.

You can get stopped at border control and questioned if you have different surnames. (I believe it is to prevent child abductions.) My daughter's children have a different surname to her, so she always takes their birth certificates too as proof of parentage. She's never been stopped from taking them on holiday.
Hopefully the judge will see sense and give you permission to go. It's just all added stress that you don't need on top of everything else.

As much as this may be frowned upon, in your situation and have been in the same boat travelling with different surnames. I'd have just forged a letter! And taken both yours and child's birth certificates as proof of parentage.

There is no way on this earth he was going to allow it, he's still trying to control you.

Hopefully you get the surname sorted ASAP! And his PR removed!

Of course you’ll be allowed.
I would also get a ‘lives with order’
this will mean you can take child out the country for 28 days without permission.

residency and full custody are not a thing in England.

As a side note - your ex is a top class cunt.

@CombatBarbiei was advised to do that from my friends but honestly with the luck I’ve had I’d be the one that got caught and just with everything my son has went through I wouldn’t want him having a mum with a conviction no matter how small, due to my job as well that would be out the window and I have worked so so hard to get my son away from all that adversity and try make a decent life for us so I didn’t want to risk all of that, I just pray the judge grants permission for me to take him on holiday x

This is only if a child arrangements order (or equivalent) is in place. If not, needs permission from all who have PR

You would have been fine without a forged letter btw. I've been stopped many times with my both children. Just carried both birth certificates. Said dad was not on the scene.

I really feel for you, your ex is a cunt of the highest order and hope he's not having an easy time in prison.

I think the issue is Turkey. I believe (someone correct me if I am wrong) that Turkey require written consent from the other parent who has parental responsibility, if only one parent is with the child. This is why your solicitor wanted you to seek your exes permission. The added extra issue is the fact you have a different surname to your son, you're more likely to get stopped at passport control. Your ex denied permission, simply because he could, no other reason. I would find it hard to believe a Judge would deny your request. Regardless how long it takes, you need to remove your exes parental responsibility. Personally I believe any parent who is in prison for an attack on their own child, should be stripped of their parental rights automatically.

I'm a social worker and I very much doubt a judge will not agree to the holiday! When you filled in the C100 form, did you also apply for a child arrangement order? If not, I'd submit another form for this before your hearing. You can then take your child abroad for up to 28 days in the future without seeking father's permission.