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Original poster

Ex partner formally refused me taking my son on holiday.

93 replies

lockdownmummax · 08/05/2025 19:14

Hi there,

just a but of a back story.

my ex is in prison for serious assault on my son, my son had 4 fractured ribs at 10 weeks old, my ex was convicted and is serving a custodial sentence.

myself and my son do not have any form of contact with him or any of his parental family at all. I am taking my son away on holiday to turkey, package holiday, and my solicitor advised me I would have to gain formal consent due to my ex partner being very controlling and she felt it was in my best interests so it didn’t cause me problems, he has formally declined this through his solicitor with no explanation as to why. I have a court hearing soon to get permission through the court, anyone have any insight into if I will be allowed via the court? what reason could he possibly give to say I can’t take my son on holiday.

due to what happened to my son I had to have a parenting assessment which all came back positive and I worked with social services to get my son safe, my son lives with me full time and I have residency for him and also a NHO with power of arrest against my ex partner, and a no contact order for my son for my ex partner.

a psychologist report was done on my ex and it clearly stated he was controlling and shouldn’t be around children, so I’m just hoping the court takes this into consideration.

the only thing I can think of is that my son had asthma, he is 2. However he is on a wheeze plan and I have managed that perfectly fine since birth, I have brought my son up alone since he was 10 weeks old with no reports or evidence to say I’m not capable, the reports say the opposite as a matter of fact. I am also going with my dad on holiday too so I won’t be alone, and I qualify as a nurse in less than a year so I’m more than capable of managing my sons asthma, I also paid extra to have a hotel with a dr’s inside the hotel for that reason,
any tips of advice ?. Similar stories, so devastated my sons been through an awful time in his short life and I’m trying to give him a better childhood with taking him on holiday for happy memories and this POS is still trying to destroy our lives

OP posts:
WineNoMore20 · 08/05/2025 19:50

I have just returned from a trip to Thailand via the Middle East.
My son has a different surname to me, so I was anxious. I took a copy of his birth certificate and a copy of the residency order. However I was not challenged at all- nothing. Sailed through all immigration without a question.
I think you are already covered with the 28 day rule - which is included in the residency order working. So it’s v v v unlikely any judge would make a different ruling.
enjoy your holiday!

KurtShirty · 08/05/2025 19:51

Sunflower07 · 08/05/2025 19:47

I'm a social worker and I very much doubt a judge will not agree to the holiday! When you filled in the C100 form, did you also apply for a child arrangement order? If not, I'd submit another form for this before your hearing. You can then take your child abroad for up to 28 days in the future without seeking father's permission.

Perfect advice, I’ve been in family court many times as a litigant in person, I also don’t think the judge will have any issue with you going on holiday. Unless you’ve got a massive family in Turkey and there’s a chance you won’t come back, I really don’t think you need to worry although of course that’s easy to say

Hayley1256 · 08/05/2025 19:51

Sassybooklover · 08/05/2025 19:46

I think the issue is Turkey. I believe (someone correct me if I am wrong) that Turkey require written consent from the other parent who has parental responsibility, if only one parent is with the child. This is why your solicitor wanted you to seek your exes permission. The added extra issue is the fact you have a different surname to your son, you're more likely to get stopped at passport control. Your ex denied permission, simply because he could, no other reason. I would find it hard to believe a Judge would deny your request. Regardless how long it takes, you need to remove your exes parental responsibility. Personally I believe any parent who is in prison for an attack on their own child, should be stripped of their parental rights automatically.

I've been to Turkey with my DD9 without her dad and they've never questioned it. Even when my DP is with us

Blackdow · 08/05/2025 19:54

You really didn’t need to ask. I’ve been a single parent for 11 years, and have a different surname to my children. I have never been asked for proof of permission to take them abroad. Technically, I could be asked at any point when going through airports but I never have been. I always carry their birth certificates showing me as their mother just in case but never been asked for that either. You shouldn’t have asked him. Now that he has said no, he could contact airports etc to have them stop you. Or take you to court if you do it anyway.

Since you have asked and you have a court date to get permission, it’ll be no problem. They will give you permission. It’s just costing you money.

LimitedBrightSpots · 08/05/2025 19:57

I would consider asking the judge for your ex's parental responsibility in relation to your son to be permanently removed, given the nature of his crime.

MadinMarch · 08/05/2025 20:07

lockdownmummax · 08/05/2025 19:24

@Meadowfinchi am really hoping so, it is turkey are are going to so I’m wondering if he will say it’s an unsafe country, I’ve been to turkey many of times and our hotel is a very large complex we won’t have to leave x

There's no reason not to leave your hotel in Turkey! Millions of tourists go there every year without incident.
I can't see any judge refusing you the opportunity to go on holiday. Have a lovely time.

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 08/05/2025 20:10

@Sunflower07
i get confused with all the legal terms, so I have residency, a no contact order through children’s panel, and a NHO with POA and I have another order stating that no one acting on behalf of my ex can remove him from me at any time, I’m going through the process of terminating his parental rights I’m hoping it will be done soon and we have success at that,
also hats off to you, you do a thankless job, my social worker was an angel she pulled us out of the trenches could never thank her enough x

OP posts:
Original poster
lockdownmummax · 08/05/2025 20:13

the reason my lawyer wanted to gain consent was because it is illegal to take your child out of the country without the other parents permission, with my ex being a control freak if for what ever reason I was stopped at border control or he ever found out he would report me to the police, it’s really awful in this situation a mother has to go through all of this when the other “ parent “ is sitting behind bars for attacking a baby but the joys of parental rights…. Hopefully getting them terminated soon we have started the process just waiting on the first court hearing to do so x

OP posts:
Original poster
lockdownmummax · 08/05/2025 20:19

@Sassybookloveri totally agree with you, given the crime he committed his PR should be automatically terminated but unfortunately they aren’t, fingers crossed I manage to terminate his parental rights just waiting on a court date x

OP posts:
USaYwHatNow · 08/05/2025 20:20

I don't have any advice, but as a fellow health professional who helps to safeguard children I just wanted to say fair play to you, you sound like an amazing parent, and good for you for doing your nurse training

scotstars · 08/05/2025 20:23

It is very unlikely that you will be asked for proof - only once have I been asked for proof of permission out of approx 10 overseas trips. I didn't actually have a letter or anything on that occasion and said they could call my ex if they wanted I was let through without them following up

Titasaducksarse · 08/05/2025 20:23

If you've a child arrangement order and it states 'lives with ' granted to you, you don't need permission to take child put of UK for 28 nights. I'm a Magistrate...you'll have no issue getting your Order to go away.

Tootingbec · 08/05/2025 20:29

I have no experience or legal advice to offer but I just want to say you sound like a fantastic mum and you are doing really well to navigate your way through the legal hoops you are having to go through.

What a cunt your ex is. I don’t use that word lightly but seriously, what a nasty piece of work he is. Keep going, stay strong and make sure you get him out of your life for good

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 09/05/2025 08:03

@USaYwHatNowthank you very much, and good on you for safeguarding children, such an important role, I really hope there is changes in the legal aspect to safe guard children more in the future x

OP posts:
Original poster
lockdownmummax · 09/05/2025 08:04

@Titasaducksarse thank you for your advice, my court date is next Wednesday I will update the form then with hopefully a positive outcome x

OP posts:
Original poster
lockdownmummax · 09/05/2025 08:06

@Tootingbecthank you very much, it has been a very hard road but we are through the worst of it now, hopefully just a last few hurdles to get his rights terminated and then freedom, I am very lucky I had a good support network to pull me through this, heart breaks for the mums and kids who don’t have a support network and get lost in the system or slip under the radar x

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 09/05/2025 08:08

what reason could he possibly give to say I can’t take my son on holiday.

Three reasons

  1. he wants to still control you
  2. he’s an arsehole
  3. he can

stop doubting yourself. The court will grant your order. Have a lovely holiday.

Springtime97 · 09/05/2025 08:08

I think you will be fine and I hope iI have a wonderful holiday. And get his or terminated.

can I suggest you get permission for any future holidays just in case it takes a while to get his rights terminated. Stop
uoi going through Thai again

snughugs · 09/05/2025 08:10

This is why I was against unmarried fathers on birth certificates getting rights. Prior to 2000 unmarried men could be added but they had no rights unless they were married. Now you hear of stories like these. Get his parent responsibility removed and cut him off.

Lindy2 · 09/05/2025 08:14

The only reason your ex said no is because he is nasty and manipulative. There is no reason why you shouldn't go n holiday to Turkey. He's done this purely to hurt you and cause you stress.

The judge will say go on holiday. This is at least good evidence as to why you need to completely cut this person out of your lives. You should also tell your solicitor that he was wrong to say you needed to contact your ex and his mistake has caused you these problems.

purplepie1 · 09/05/2025 08:16

lockdownmummax · 08/05/2025 19:24

@Meadowfinchi am really hoping so, it is turkey are are going to so I’m wondering if he will say it’s an unsafe country, I’ve been to turkey many of times and our hotel is a very large complex we won’t have to leave x

I have a different surname to my daughter and I have never been questioned when taking her out the country.

purplepie1 · 09/05/2025 08:17

Good luck next week I hope you are allowed to go on holiday.

CombatBarbie · 13/05/2025 23:12

Thinking of you tomorrow, please do update us x

Baital · 13/05/2025 23:22

You did the right thing following the official channels. Whatever other people say, don't put yourself in the wrong, no matter how wrong your ex-partner.

Have a great holiday, and get your ex's parental rights removed or limited so you can take your child on holiday.

Hopefully removed altogether, but the law is on the side of the perpetrator, sadly.

CornishTiger · 13/05/2025 23:28

Good luck tomorrow. I know the judge will be supportive of this.

Agree with a previous poster. Get the order to include future holidays and school trips etc.

I don’t know Scottish law but overall it’s scandalous that PR in cases like this or domestic homicides that the perpetrator retains PR.