i feel sick at the thought of asking ex dp to change access arrangements....

[chocolatespiders]

because i know he wont be happy about it.....

he has dd one night during the week... so picks her up from school and has her overnight and takes her back to school the next day.....

however the last few times he has bought dd back to me the next morning and dd has been so much happier with this.... normally i pick her up from school after her has had her and she crys all the way home, and winges for the next few days ..... then she is fine again but then it is soon time for her to go again....

There is no court arrangement for access... but i dont really want to unsettle things between me and ex... but i feel dd is more important...

any ideas how u can go about this

thankyou

Why do you think dd gets upset if she goes straight to school instead of seeing you. Is it purely because she doesn't get to see you?

You aren't suggesting that your ex has that much less time with dd, just that the drop off changes and is therefore a bit earlier. If he has been doing that anyway for the last few times, it must suit him and fit in with his day.

I would suggest you write an email explaining that your dd is happier being dropped off at home instead of school and you would like that to continue. Keep it brief, you don't need to go into lots of details.

How old is your DD?

Do you know why she cries like this?

i would suggest to yuor Ex that this is how you organise yourselves from now on as it seems to be better for your DD.

but atteh same time i think you need to investigate why it is your dd has been upset with teh previous arrangement

i would want to know why she was upset after school as well.does she go off with him happily?

may i ask why you are so afraid of him?its only a tiny change in arrangement,it doesnt seem right that he has this effect on you even though you arent even together

i guess i think he will see at as me getting at him...

he gives me alist of the dates he is going to have dd every month or so...

the last few times he has had dd overnight but instead of going to school he has bought her home....

dd is 4 ...so i drop her at school at 9.00 then pick her up the next day at 3.00 from school....

I am not scared of him in the sense of violence... i just dont want a row abot it all..

thanks for your responses

Chocolatespiders - I'd be interested in why you are frightened of him, too.

My ex has said the same thing for over a year now - and it has severely restricted contact my son has with me, as well a total inability to discuss his care and upbringing with him.

I don't know your situation and history, but speaking from a male perspective, I have found it impossible to do anything to progress things - with the only advice' I have had being Give her time - she may come around eventually'.

It can be uncomfortable to be around/talk to the ex. But I would urge you to do so if at all possible - it will get easier the more often you face him and deal with anything that needs sorting. In contrast, I would say the longer you leave it, the harder it gets.

My ex is now so entrenched in her views that I think her image of me is a cross between Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson. Her imagination can conjure up nastier things than I ever could - even if I were the vindicative sort.

It's sad, because if she just took the bull by the horns and spoke to me I am sure she would instantly remove any anxiety she feels where I am concerned. Maybe you are the same?

Just read your post - I'd say my ex is the same. But if you manage to get into the habit of talking, you could build a good relationship with your ex, where he is an ally, rather an opponent.

thankyou for you post lost dad- helps to see another point of view ..thankyou