Soon to be a grand mummy but so concerned

[Mylittlegrandbaby]

Hey... my daughter is 29. She was led to believe she could not conceive naturally when she was 15. She was recently diagnosed with asd and adhd and had a very serious episode of anorexia 18 months ago.

We found out she was pregnant last month very unexpectedly. To say it was a shock is an understatement. It filled me with sheer terror for her and the baby because she's so vulnerable.

She informed the dad who has tred to financially bribe her into a termination. When she declined he started to ignore her.

I contacted the father's mother today and it was met with legal threats and telling me " they'd be intouch with a plan of action". Both grandparents were incredibly hostile and rude. The fathers father was unbelievably condescending. Its really distressed me to be honest.

On top of all of this I was a complainant in a sexual offences case and he was convicted 13 days ago so I'm feeling really vulnerable myself.

Any suggestion on how to deal with their hostility? They are literally horrific!

I hope all works out well in the end for your daughter and grandchild.

If the father wanted a termination, it may well be that he doesn't go through all the effort to get a proper visitation schedule in place through the courts anyway. I know it's hard but I'd just wait and see once the baby is born and go through the official route if necessary.

If he suddenly has a change of heart and wants to be an involved parent, as long as he's safe around the child and not abusive, it may well not be a bad thing anyway. From experience, men who don't want to be fathers often seem to ignore the child once they're here anyway, so if this is the case, he may well not be going after split custody or anything similar anyway.

Obviously if your daughter receives any threats or blackmail in the meantime I'd contact the police if necessary.

But what do you expect the OP to do about that? Tell her daughter to have an abortion? Refuse to provide support in the hope her daughter will then decide to have an abortion? Again, what’s the point in telling OP you think her daughter should terminate this pregnancy when it isn’t OP’s decision.

@Weareallmadeofstardust
Telling the mother of the pregnant woman that her daughter should have a termination is suggesting that the mother should somehow force that decision - the very same behavior we are all horrified by in the father of the child.

I've not reread all the replies but I don't recall anyone saying or implying that the OP should
Force her daughter to have an abortion. That would obviously be wrong.
I also don't think it's unreasonable for the father of the child to state that he would like the OPs daughter to have an abortion. He was told it was impossible for the OPs daughter to get pregnancy. You have to feel sympathy towards him. It's an awful situation for him to be in. (Having said that he was stupid to have accepted the OPs daughter claim that she couldn't get pregnant)

It’s alright for the father to state he does not want to parent and would prefer the mother terminates the pregnancy. It’s not alright for him to try to bribe her, threaten her or bombard her with horrible messages. That’s coercion.
If you object to my use of the word ´force’, try ´coerce’. It’s still appalling behavior.

You said posters were telling the mother to force her daughter to have an abortion.

That is not true.

Actually I said this :

’Telling the mother of the pregnant woman that her daughter should have a termination is suggesting that the mother should somehow force that decision’

@Weareallmadeofstardust

If you object to my use of the word 'telling’, try 'suggesting’. It’s still appalling behaviour to say posters are doing something they are not.

OP wants opinions. Her daughter wants opinions. Posters are giving their opinions.

@Ineedmoreboxes
This isn’t OP’s daughter’s thread and OP didn’t ask for an opinion on whether or not her daughter should go through with the pregnancy. 1/10 for comprehension. Must try harder.

Being the only poster to have put two and two together about the previous thread, I have my suspicions about both anyway.

Either way, if this is all genuine, the original thread was posted because the daughter was feeling pressured by her mother to abort. General consensus: borderline personality disorder, adhd, autism, anorexia, still not capable of living alone at the age of 29... maybe listen to your mother on this one.

So mum has changed her mind and now wants to support her daughter, even as far as raising the child herself.

I think you've made your relentless point that no one can force her to abort her pregnancy. No one is saying otherwise. But if someone is going to post about this on a public forum, expect people to weigh in with their opinions.

I'll leave you to your little rage fest now since you seem to be enjoying stamping your feet up and down this thread.