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Original poster

He wants toddler to have his surname too

80 replies

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/03/2024 23:14

Hi all,
Standard advice here is 'make sure baby has your surname' I did that after ex left me just before baby was born.
Now 18 months later he has decided he wants to take me to court so that toddler has his name too. Does anyone have experience of this with a toddler? What was the result of court?

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 15/03/2024 13:00

He will get on the birth certificate so may as well give him that.

I side stepped the surname issue with my ex by giving his surname as a second middle name. So when in court he wanted his name added he list because he was already in the name. Then of course we never use the second middle name, child knows it's in their name but doesn't care.

My youngest by different dad has a double surname. Double barrel without the hyphen. Again I just don't use ex name its only relevant at dr surgery.

My advice is add him as father to birth certificate. If he takes you to cour offer to add his surname as a second middle name. Say child is learning their name and it would confusing gif child. Especially as has minimal contact with dad. Point out instead of more contact (that you have never blocked) he's seeking to stake his name on the child. Child is a person with their own developing identity not a possession

PurpleBugz · 15/03/2024 13:07

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/03/2024 12:14

The solicitors advising me said that he might win this if he goes to court due to his young age. I was hoping to find someone who has experienced this to see which way it went and what reasons were given but it seems much more common that children are given dads name and it's the mum left holding the baby that fights to get hers included later

Think my child was less than 6 months old when ex lost getting the surname changed. We have another child with ex surname too so the siblings have different names. I honestly think by giving ex surname as middle name was only reason child kept my surname. But this all happened in a lengthy court battle over amount of child contact so ex looked like a good father in that sense. Of course once he won enough contact to reduce his maintenance he took a clear step back from the kids life's. Wanker.

Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/03/2024 13:17

PurpleBugz · 15/03/2024 13:00

He will get on the birth certificate so may as well give him that.

I side stepped the surname issue with my ex by giving his surname as a second middle name. So when in court he wanted his name added he list because he was already in the name. Then of course we never use the second middle name, child knows it's in their name but doesn't care.

My youngest by different dad has a double surname. Double barrel without the hyphen. Again I just don't use ex name its only relevant at dr surgery.

My advice is add him as father to birth certificate. If he takes you to cour offer to add his surname as a second middle name. Say child is learning their name and it would confusing gif child. Especially as has minimal contact with dad. Point out instead of more contact (that you have never blocked) he's seeking to stake his name on the child. Child is a person with their own developing identity not a possession

Thank you for this. Maybe I should have done dads surname as a middle name from the beginning - tbh in my post Parptum sleepless heartbroken state I wasn't thinking strategically

OP posts:
Original poster
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/03/2024 13:19

@PurpleBugz I think this is exactly what my ex will do too as he is also desperate to do overnights - I'd love a break but not until I know our child will be safe and happy there and understand what's going on

OP posts:
Wibblywobblylikejelly · 15/03/2024 15:24

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/03/2024 13:19

@PurpleBugz I think this is exactly what my ex will do too as he is also desperate to do overnights - I'd love a break but not until I know our child will be safe and happy there and understand what's going on

You have got to start opening up and working with him.
Because if he goes to court he is likely to get a lot more than you want to give

He will absolutely get overnights and nobody will care how you feel.

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