He wants toddler to have his surname too

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

Hi all,
Standard advice here is 'make sure baby has your surname' I did that after ex left me just before baby was born.
Now 18 months later he has decided he wants to take me to court so that toddler has his name too. Does anyone have experience of this with a toddler? What was the result of court?

You do know OP - whatever happens with the birth certificate, what you call him in real life doesn't need to change.

Eg if he's now Bert Smith at nursery, doctors, etc - you don't have to go and tell them all to start calling him Bert Smith-Jones. Even if ex wins, it could be a paper victory.

I had a friend who had a twat of a father, whose name he had. At uni he started to double barrel, then he dropped the father part a few years later and changed it officially.

Yes they will, can’t believe how much misinformation is being posted. Courts will absolutely allow him to add his surname, he isn’t removing or changing the surname he is simply wanting to add his and courts allow this all the time.

Don't be scared of letters.
Each only is costing him money so let him crack on.
You should reply to each letter with the exact same response each time.
That you will agree to him being added to the birth certificate but you will not change your child's surname.

Let him carry on forking out.

If it even goes to court you've been reasonable and consistent.

Absolute worst case scenario the court for some bizarre reason insists his name is added you simply inform every place your child attends that they are known as (your surname). You don't even need to tell anyone other than those who genuinely need the full legal name that your child even has a second surname and even then it's your surname- his surname known as your surname.

Him and his lawyer are relying on scare tactics to get you to voluntarily agree to something they know a court would almost certainly not order.

You should add him to the BC and I would think that double barreled is the most likely result.

Say he’s currently Thomas Smith and court orders Thomas Smith-Jones. You can tell school, doctors etc that he’s known as Thomas Smith and get documents like his exam results in that name.

https://deedpolloffice.com/change-name/children/without-consent

Tell him to take you to court. The odds are very strong that he won't. Don't give in to him-it's a precedent you don't wan t to set.

Why are mothers on here so often told they have no chance of adding their surname after their child has been registered with the father's surname? Is that a difference of opinion between you and those other MN posters. Or am actually discrepancy at court? Or something else?

I know, it's shocking that the court could insist the fathers name is given to her child (if other posters are right). I don't believe he has a right to that.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum there's enough conflicting information being given to you here that I really think you need to seek further legal advice from a solicitor.

That’s not true and I’ve never ever seen that, mothers are told they can’t fully change a name yes but mothers are Always told that courts will allow double barrel and are advised to get names double barrelled. I’ve never seen anyone say a court won’t allow a mother to add her surname only that they won’t allow a full name change. Can you link any of the threads as I’ve never seen anyone be told a court won’t allow it they will definitely allow another surname to be added.

I’d get your lawyer to argue that any change of name will effect the child for the rest of their life as any time there is a legal document that asks if they have had a name change they need to say yes… passport etc

I want to do what you did in the beginning and give my DD my last name but I’m not going to because of the long term pain in the ar*e for her

Courts can and do order that child shall be known by XYZ.
That means all documentation relating to the child must be their true and legal name.

As the father he can also take the BC and ensure that the name is correct on everything

You do know that is a business not a government department or official in any way.

As you've not really given any context I can only assume that either people are talking BS and giving wring info like on this thread.
Or tge child is older. Courts don't usually change names of older children. As OPs child is still young and not developed their identity and wouldn't notice a name change it's likely to happen.

If it is ordered that is that child's name that is it. Every document, every letter.

To do other is a clear argument for parental alienation.

It's just a bit confusing for him growing up to have two names but me not using one of them though! I think if they did make me change it then I'd feel I had to use both

I wonder if firstname dadssurname mysurname would work instead of double barrel as then mine would still be the 'last name' but I don't have any inclination to support this

He loves a fight and is such a pedant I think he might! But I think the waiting's lists are long so my child would be older by then so might be less chance of changing.

Absolute no offense to anyone who has a double barrel by my ex always said it was pretentious and he didn't like them (and didn't want my name included in a double barrel when we were engaged!)

If you want your child to keep your name as hid surname, then don't put his fathers first in any sort of double-barrelling.

Unless you drop the hyphen.

Then too.

My point was, if incorporating both her surname and her ex's surname into her child's, make sure her name goes first.

If it's ever likely to be shortened, it will be shortened to whichever name comes first.

That's not strictly true. Lots of court orders will say children are not to known as any other name without both parents consent.

get documents like his exam results in that name. I was told (about 10 years ago) that exam results had to be in the full legal name. This was fine for me, as what I wanted was the legal name, having been properly legally changed, but the school or the exam administrator for the school had perhaps thought it a 'known as' name.

I asked MN about this when we were naming our baby. Consensus was that if you don't hyphenate then the first surname is what gets dropped. And the second remains. But I'm sure others do experience the opposite

Nah. If you do have to change it (& make him fight for that) then lots and lots of double barreled kids end up just going by one name.

Yes it is the first name that’s dropped so that other poster is incorrect and op needs to put hers last. My daughter has two surnames (no hyphen) mine and her fathers and she is always called only her fathers surname which is last and never by mine, if I say my name they can’t even find her on the system 🤦‍♀️ I was told written down mine would appear as a middle name even though it’s not traditionally a middle name and is a man’s name it’s still confused as being a surname due to no hyphen.

The solicitors advising me said that he might win this if he goes to court due to his young age. I was hoping to find someone who has experienced this to see which way it went and what reasons were given but it seems much more common that children are given dads name and it's the mum left holding the baby that fights to get hers included later

You can double barrel WITHOUT a hyphen his name then your name and then basically carry on just using yours as "known as".

I would insist on a lives with order though so you can take DC on holiday without his permission.

I'd also let him take you to court over it and self rep.

IF he was awarded costs then offer to repay at a £1 per week.