X-mas day dilemma

[babyface]

I am livid with ex .After being told that I definately did not want him staying Christmas Eve, but he could come over Christmas Day (he walked out of the relationship 10mths ago, saying that he just wasn't happy).... Anyway, he has told our 8 yr old that they are to wait for him before opening their presents (we have 3, aged 8, 5 & 1) so now ds is really worried about xmas morning and really wants ex to stay xmas eve as usually they open presents as soon as they wake up. Told ex my feelings in no uncertain terms - I feel when he lives just down the road it is his responsibility to get there on time, not theirs to wait - a subject I am v.touchy on as he is always late for the kids. Anyway, got told I was totally over reacting. Ds has been really grumpy all day& was asking me again tonight why dad cant stay. I was already dreading the day, without all this....any advice?

I think you should go ahead as you planned, let the children open their presents when they get up. Heavens, I am sure they will get enough that he can see them open some and if he can't organise himself to get their early, then its his problem. He is the one who chose to leave you and his children for what seems like a very flimsy reason, he has to deal with the fall out
Sorry, I am being very stroppy - I don't mean to be horrid

Wow, very good of you to let him come over in the 1st place on Xmas day (IMO) for myself I would say he should get himself to your house on time early in the morning, so the children don't have to wait too long, but as he walked out, certainly should not be staying over and playing happy families (which it obviously isn't )
In future years would it not be better to split the holiday and you have the kids on one day and your partner on the other? (this is the workable solution my dh and I have in place with his ex partner, it means that their child gets two Xmas's one on Xmas Day and the other on Boxing day, how good is that!)

I think he's got a cheek personally. He should consider himself very lucky to be invited over at all IMO!

If he can't get his backside out of bed early the I'm afraid it's his own fault if he misses out. He can't just pick and choose which bits of family life he wants to be involved in when it suits him.

Thanks for the support. He does seem to feel entitled to pick and choose which bits of family life he is involved in, coppertop - no matter what is said to him . Just feel really sorry for ds . I think he thinks if dad stays 1 night he wont leave again and I just cant explain to him why that wont happen

I bet on Christmas day, he is so excited, he doesn't give it a thought though
I hope it goes well for you
Tilly
x

Hope so. It is really upsetting...1st xmas since split and ex just seems to want to act as though nothing has changed. We are already going thru major disagreements over splitting our business & I am just dreading Christmas. 1st year since kids that I just cant wait for it too be all over . Have agreed to go to his dads (who has been very supportive)for xmas dinner but with the new low we have reached am not sure if thats a great idea.

I agree with everyone who says he appears to want to pick and choose which parts of family life he wants to be involved in, and you're supposed to facilitate that.

Unfortunately, that is a standard pattern of many men who leave, and you need to be aware of not falling into that trap and then finding a couple of years down the line that your life, including christams, holidays etc., is organised around his convenience, to your great inconvenience!

You are completely right Tilly - we had a school friend over today and xmas eve wasn't mentioned once till ex called in this evening...feeling a lot brighter. Caligulights - I think I have fallen into that trap...was prob. already there before split... doing my best to get out of it though but god its uphill.
On another note - any tips on how to get the pressies wrapped with 3 little ones hanging around - maybe I should have had the *** stay over after all