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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Teenage girls... struggling

59 replies

LydiaRebecca14 · 23/12/2023 19:47

Hello. Don't know why I'm here
Im a single mum to 2 teenage girls. 13 & 14.

They were lovely when little. 2 little princesses. My best friends.
Now... I just don't know them.
Anything I say they roll their eyes at me and huff.

I've done everything for them on my own. Always have done. And in return they tell me how much of a bad mum I am when I have to give them the pep talks on attitude and respect.

I've looked through my 14 year olds phone tonight and she's boy mad. I've sat and cried!!

I'm very strict in a protective way. If they go out with friends I call them every 15 mins to check them etc. I protect them with all my might.

I work full time, I'm a mum of 3. I'm a house wife. A cook. A nurse. The whole lot. You know the drill!!!

Today I could bang my head in a brick wall. They listen to absolutely nothing. They're breaking my heart.
I wonder where my little team went :(

We've always been so so close, as soon as the periods started everything changed

Does it get better? Does anyone else feel so alone with teenagers. My hearts breaking x

OP posts:

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 23/12/2023 19:50

Op I have dd's 15 months apart. I feel your pain. 15 minute check ins are quite extreme.. Do they hold any responsibility for their own lives? They need to.. Making choices even bad ones is essential.. Mine are 17 and 18 and been new young adults for about year!

EmptyYoghurtPot · 23/12/2023 19:52

It’s not unusual for a 14 year old to be interest in boys? Why were you looking through her phone and what did you see?
Also - you call them every 15 minutes when they are out with friends?! I get being protective but that’s crazy. Must be so embarrassing for them.
It’s hard when teens grow up but that’s what happens!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 23/12/2023 19:52

It's in our DNA to do this.
You cannot call them every 15 minutes. That's way over protective.

Pull back and they will come to you

TodayForTomorrow · 23/12/2023 19:52

I'm not a mum to teenagers yet but I do work with them and honestly, it sounds a bit like they could be resenting you for being too protective. It might come across to them like you don't trust them and aren't accepting the people they are now, only missing the little kids they used to be.

What do you mean by 'boy mad' and why would it be a problem if she does have crushes on boys?

MrsTopaz · 23/12/2023 19:57

Every 15 mins? Gosh op, they must feel like you don’t trust them at all! Are they genuinely untrustworthy to this extent?

What is it that you feel you are guarding against by calling them so regularly?

Original poster

LydiaRebecca14 · 23/12/2023 19:59

It's definitely not over protective.
I had my eldest at 15 years old. Because I lied to my mum where I was. I know all the tricks in the book.

I ring them every 15-20 mins as the area I live in is not Beverly Hills. It's other people I don't trust.
Boy mad - luying to me where she is and who she's with but is arranging to meet boys.

I will protect like a lion till my last breath. I prefer them to hate me now than to hate them selves when they grow older.

OP posts:

Original poster

LydiaRebecca14 · 23/12/2023 20:04

Also... ALOT can happen in 20 mins
Especially if u live in a drug ridden area full of down and outs and thieves.
My girls know it's not about not trusting them. It's making sure they are safe.

Jesus. Didn't think I'd ever be questioned so much for loving my kids.
Yet if something happened to them, and I was checking on them hourly I'd be judged for that as a bad negative mum LOL forget I asked

OP posts:

AuntyLouLou123 · 23/12/2023 20:09

Are you able to have a proper chat about your worries with them without being eyerolled? Try being totally honest, I mean you’ve been there and done it, any chance you could get through to them that way?

AuntyLouLou123 · 23/12/2023 20:11

I always used to get these talks when I was in the car, I dunno it kinda always felt easier for me.

Twistyripple · 23/12/2023 20:12

You seem a tad excessive with your contacting them every 15 mins, not surprised they're starting to get secretive and keeping things from you! They must feel suffocated!

ballsdeep · 23/12/2023 20:12

Op I remember being that age and thinking my mother was the worst person to walk the earth . Everything she did pissed me off and she was over protective….. but the calls must fry their brain! Me and my mother are best friends now and I did come out of the other side.

ballsdeep · 23/12/2023 20:13

And is they’re meeting up with boys they’ll do it whether you’re ringing or not!

cbbo · 23/12/2023 20:14

Sound like normal teenagers to me!! Don't push them away. You want them to come to you when they are in need, and calling every 15 mins is insane.

Invisimamma · 23/12/2023 20:16

This has got to be a joke...you call them every 15 minutes!?! Bloody hell op give them a break and bit of trust.

What exactly is it that they've done wrong? It's seems that it's you that has the issue with them growing up and gaining independence.

AuntyLouLou123 · 23/12/2023 20:19

I get the impression of lot of these posters aren’t grasping the OPs description of where she lives, she’s been there done that got the tshirt. We’re not talking about some nice little gated community, OP I grew up in a similar area & me and my friends are horrified by the shit we got up to and would never want that for our own.

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/12/2023 20:20

Calling them every 15 minutes? That’s insane! Do you not have a life yourself either? They must feel sooo stifled and fed up, they’ll only get worse if you keep this shit up op.

Thatswhy11 · 23/12/2023 20:21

@EmptyYoghurtPot I think OP is entitled to look through her DDs phone given the back story she wasn't just snooping.

My mum did the same with my sisters and 1 of them actually had some issues going on so sometimes you do have to check!

I'm sure you are doing your best OP!

Jacfrost · 23/12/2023 20:22

You call them every 15 minutes?!

I'm a pretty anxious person, my DD is only 12 plus she's autistic, and even I don't ring her when she's with friends!

I'd try to chill out a bit and maybe you'll get more back in return.

mfbx5sf3 · 23/12/2023 20:26

But just because you got pregnant at 15 doesn’t mean they will. Calling every 15 mins shows you have the lowest expectations for them.

geobun · 23/12/2023 20:30

Every 15 minutes!!!? If my parents had done this I'd have been so embarrassed and pulled away from them.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 23/12/2023 20:35

You can get pregnant in under a minute!! I had dd at 17. All my dd's are older now and dc - free.
Oh and I had a dc young as a reason to move out away from a controlling dm.

Kosenrufugirl · 23/12/2023 20:50

I do get about the rough area. You need to talk to your girls about double Dutch method. It's a pill AND a condom. As a result the teenage pregnancy rate is very low in the Netherlands. I am worried that by checking on them every 15 minutes you might achieve the opposite- your girls might actively try to get pregnant so that can get a separate accommodation, away from their mum. This is what I was dreaming of at 16. You really need to give your girls some space as they are now teenagers. Imagining the worst is not necessarily the best way to go. I appreciate you are reaching out for advice. We are not here to intentionally give you hard time, we understand you are trying the best for your children

Original poster

LydiaRebecca14 · 23/12/2023 20:53

I just love my kids. If they needed 2 eyes Id give them mine. I'd die for them. I'd pull the trigger myself. Maybe I'm too over protective. But I prefer to rest my head at night knowing I have a million prevent to them rather than wondering if I did enough.

Do I have my own life someone asked....
yes I do, when I became a mum at 16 everyone told me I couldn't do it. I made a promise to myself I could and that I'd dedicate my entire life to it.
Which I have.
I've gone without in all ways for them and that is totally fine.

OP posts:

Notsurehwhattdo · 23/12/2023 21:15

Can you not text them hourly and they send a thumbs up? 15 minutes is nothing, they must feel like they've only just got off the phone and it's ringing again. Even though it's well intentioned, it'll feel stifling to them.

If you are in a rough area and they are hanging out with undesirables, would you not consider that calling so often will actually do the exact opposite of what you are trying to prevent, and actually push them further away from you and closer to this life that you don't want them to end up in?

Kosenrufugirl · 23/12/2023 21:21

Hi OP, I appreciate your love your girls. But sometimes love is not enough, a bit of wisdom is in order. You are driving them away with your behaviour. It's getting late and I can sense you are getting upset. I hope you and family have a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. Please do consider contacting a counsellor specialising in teenage behaviour in the new year to work on strategies to keep everyone in the family heard and respected.

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