CM Control

[rockingbird]

1st today.. exactly 24 days until Christmas. No child maintenance in my bank account (due today as are all my utilities/dd). 9/10 I have to 'remind' ExH to pay. He doesn't forget to pay himself (own business) nor does he forget to pay all his staff .. but I'm left waiting. I find it infuriating every frigging month. Rant over ☺️ happy Friday all x

Control. He’s a saddo, you’re well rid.

Oh absolutely!! Just boils my piss every month.

I would try and move your dd a few days it can help just take that stress out - it would be so easy for him to set up a standing order though wouldn’t it

My XDP loved to do that as it was the last bit of control he had. So I took it away from him and went through the CMS. They're not perfect by any means, and if he still wanted to wriggle out of paying he probably could - but it took his control over me away. Might be worth considering.

Send him the date text each month zero deviation he should work out that he isnt getting to you (he will probably try something else) the trick is to send it regardless then if he pays and has ago you can apologise and say its automatic as he never pays

My ex quits his job so he doesn't have to pay his girlfriend/wife (I'm not sure if they married) supports him I think its truly pathetic but what can you do

This is why they say don’t rely on it. I haven’t had a payment in 7 years…

This is truly pathetic. My ex manages to send maintenance on time each month all the way from South Korea. This is deliberate control

Fortunately I'm completely not reliant on his money and my direct debits are all accounted for. Have thought about the CSA route but if I did do that I'm pretty sure he'd make my life absolutely hell as his 'thing' has always been financial control and someone else meddling in his income (which is huge) would send him nuts. When he pays it - it's a fair amount (compared to others in my situation) but it's on his terms 😖 I was just having a rant earlier, I appreciate many don't get a penny and that's so bloody wrong.

How could he make your life hell? What specifically do you suspect he'll do? Take the worst worry. Could you go to the police about it? He's still controlling you and you're still living in fear of what he might do to you.

Is he self-employed op? That makes CMS tricky. But if not, call them.

My ex was like yours, always wanted everything on his own terms, including applying for a child maintenance calculation himself when he thought he was being too generous. Which of course turned out that he actually owed much more. They didn't used to do annual reviews so he paid exactly the same for a few years, then our divorce was finalised (he strung it along for years) and his submitted payslips showed a huge salary increase so I applied for (and got) a raise in child maintenance.

When CMS took over he was VERY against going through them, but I needed proof of my 'income' for a mortgage application. Surprise surprise, he'd had another £6k undeclared pay rise.

Take back the control op.

Great idea - the same text or email every time automated