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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Xp has managed to send me into a fit of rage yet again

76 replies

CrackerOfNuts · 09/03/2008 20:31

The kids got back from his and we were watching tv, when dd2 said 'dad can pause his tv'. I said 'eh?'. Turns out he has been at brought an all singing all dancing flat screen 42 inch plasma tv.

Now, i totally agree with anyone who says, it is his money he can do what he likes with it, but he still hasn't been a brought carpet for his flat, and still has no cooker, fridge frezer or washing machine. All of those things that he needs before he can have the kids stay over.

I just cannot believe what a selfish twat that man is. He already had a tv in perfect working order.

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Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 09/03/2008 20:32

He told me he hadn't been and brought his appliances yet, because he hadn't had time

OP posts:

posieflump · 09/03/2008 20:33

how is he cooking and cleaning?
does he go round to his Mum's?!!

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 09/03/2008 20:35

He isn't cooking really, all he has is a microwave. If the kids go for tea, they have hotdog sausages every single time.

He goes to his neices to wash his clothes, and god knows what he does about keeping food etc cold, as his flat is boiling hot, as the thermostat is faulty and he can't be botherd to go into the office (directly below him) and tell them, so just has all the windows wide open instead.

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posieflump · 09/03/2008 20:36

is he working at the moment?
what does he do for a cup of tea if he has no milk in the fridge!!
the man sounds like a loon!

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 09/03/2008 20:38

No he isn't working again, he got laid off, probably because he only went in when he felt like it.

I can't believe I told him he didn't have to give me my money all in one go, because I wanted him to be able to go out and buy everything he needed in one go.

OP posts:

posieflump · 09/03/2008 20:39

it must be hard sending the kids round there knowing he is giving them dodgy food that hasn't even been in the fridge

lou33 · 09/03/2008 20:41

blimey nutty, do you think he will ever improve?

tiredemma · 09/03/2008 20:44

Make sure you get your money nutty.

I wouldnt be at all suprised if this fool stitched you up.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 09/03/2008 21:22

Have got it emma. I told him I wanted the rest last week when he said he still hadn't sorted appliances.

I don't think he will ever improve no, he seem to get more and more immature.

He also told me that when he moved into his new flat he was giving up smoking. He hasn't though cos the kids stank of smoke when they got back today, and delighted in telling me that daddy had given them those crisps where you put your own salt on.

I am sure he does it deliberatly to wind me up.

And then he wonders why I asked my mum and not him to come and sleep round here tonight when I have to take dd1 to school at 2am to go on her trip

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singledadofthree · 09/03/2008 21:32

well you know what they say about blokes with big tv's

Ilovesleep · 09/03/2008 21:35

Why do blokes think gadgets are more important than appliances?

I found out today that xp doesn't have a fridge or a cooker. The boys have been staying with him virtually every weekend since end of Jan. So the reason they've been having McDonalds and chippy every time they're there isn't just because he's a lazy bastard.

But he has a 40" Sony Bravia tv, an X-Box, PS3 and a wii!!! WTF does anyone need 3 consoles for?

Divastrop · 09/03/2008 21:39

did he move in with you after living with his mummy all his life?he sounds like a 16 year old lad who's just got his first flat.

is the contact a legal arrangement or can you tell him the kids arent going round there untill the flat is fit for human habitation?

Nighbynight · 09/03/2008 21:50

what a typical man.
mind you, I am not one to talk, I bought skiing lessons for the children when we had only a tiny fridge, temporary kitchen and no dishwasher. But the skiing season's short!

madamez · 09/03/2008 21:54

Erm, you don't actually need a fridge, or a washing machine, or a cooker. And it won't actually harm your DC to spend a weekend eating bought food, etc as long as they get some fruit and veg in the rest of the week. If your XP was making them sleep behind the bins out the back of the pub, or leaving them in the back of the car while he went and shot his drug dealer I could appreciate you having a problem but otherwise... people live in different ways and it isn;t actually that big a deal.

yerblurt · 09/03/2008 22:02

3 consoles sounds OK to me - pity he doesn't have a PC too!

Nighbynight: skiing lessons instead of looking after the kids properly! you selfish bitch!

Divastrop · 09/03/2008 22:39

madamez-yes,but it will harm them to breathe 2nd hand smoke.and i dont think anybody needs a 42" plasma tv.

gillybean2 · 10/03/2008 09:04

I know a mum who moved into her own flat before Xmas and still only has a microwave and hob and no oven. She manages to feed herself and her son perfectly well and he's with her 6 days a week. Course she does have a fridge, but if you don't you can buy milk fresh when you need it, or long life (ick i know but some people live on it).

If these things worry you then put it in a letter saying you understand that he has bought a new tv but still is without a fridge and that the children require good nutritious food, including milk, cheese or yoghurt for their bones. Ask for his assurance that the children are eating healthily where possible. The odd treat (McDonalds) isn't going to do them too much harm in reality.

If he doesn't have time then there's always the internet to order from, assuming he's got himself a computer of course...

It is understandably annoying and no doubt upsetting for you, and you sound as if you're looking forward to an evening to yourself when he has the children overnight finally. So put the pressure on and give him a date that those overnights will start and ask that he have his fridge problem sorted out by then.

take care
Gily

Katelyn · 10/03/2008 09:18

Pause the TV ? He may have his old TV but with Sky Plus - which you can pause and is a minimal amount of money per month.

Whilst I completely understand your frustrations, like you say; His money.

If he cannot get his priorities right, it's his loss.

skeletonbones · 10/03/2008 10:10

I think its out of order to feed your DC's hotdog sausages every single visit and then buy a very expensive telly, not be arsed to work ect, and no wonder you are frustrated.

I think its incredible when people on here get told basically 'your being fussy, get over it' for daring to complain about their ex parter having less than ideal conditions for the childrens visits, just because it isn't actual child abuse doesn't mean that someone should smile swwetly as say 'nevermind dear ex husband of mine, you go ahead and feed our children hot dog sausages every visit, and of course its understandable that you don't want to take your precious little self to work when you don't feel like it, you tuck yourself up next to the new telly'
Yes people do live without fridges and the mum someone mentioned having to do without a fridge out of necesity and doing a good job making heathy meals with the appliances she had available is a very different story to a person who spends lots of money on non-essential luxuries while feeding their kids hotdogs every single visit.

Katelyn · 10/03/2008 10:32

It's incredible I agree.

Unfortunately, on chat forums like mumsnet where people ask for opinions, there are bound to be a mixture of answers - some will be in agreement and some will not.

Parents forget that children will grow up regardless of what we try to install in them and they will, to the dismay of many, have their own minds. If daddy or mummy is a complete waster, it's a matter of time before our children realise it on their own.

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/03/2008 12:48

Madamez, thanks for your thoughts, but I don't agree. He does sweet FA for the kids, and this latest thing just proves what a selfish arse he is.

It is definatly a new tv, he went with his grown up daughter last Sat to buy it.

I agree that it is his money and he can do with it what he sees fit, however, I think having basic furnishings in place so that your kids can stay over once a week like he prmised them, should have been a bigger priority.

I want a laptop, and have the money to buy one, but I won't because there are 101 other things that come above that.

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WiiMii · 10/03/2008 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gillybean2 · 10/03/2008 13:29

I'm sorry but i disagree that he does "sweet FA for the kids". He sees them, and it sounds like he sees them regularly, and that's a heck of a lot more that my son's father does! I'd love to have a break and for my son to have a relationship with his dad and if he fed him hotdog sausages and i didn't like it it'd be far better than not seeing him at all. heck i give my son hotdog sausages from time to time. Sorry but my personal feelings is that money can not buy time and so what if he hs no carpet or fridge. The kids are being fed and have a roof over their head and a dad who makes time to see them, and they get to watch a super tv too.

My neighbour (single mum) has a giant tv and no carpet or wallpaper. I have no carpet on my stairs and a toilet that doesn't flush yet took my son on holiday because that was my priority this year. There's nothing that says you have to have carpet, a washing machine, cooker and a fridge before you can look after children overnight. Heck i know lots of single mums who wouldn't be having their children if you had to have those things before you could have children staying let alone living in a home.

We all have priorities and different priorities at that. At least the children are seeing their dad. Please don't say he does sweet FA for them. From my point of view your children are so lucky to have a dad who not only acknowledges their existance but spends time with them. That is priceless IMO

Sorry I don't often loose my rag in debates like his, but that comment really got to me.
Gilly

Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/03/2008 14:22

Sorry gilly, but you don't know the half of it.

What is it with this place lately FGS.

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Original poster

CrackerOfNuts · 10/03/2008 14:24

And for what it's worth your comments have really got to me.

Also for your information, it is XP who is saying that he cannot have the kids overnight until he has all of this stuff, and the reason he is delaying buying it all is because he doesn't want to have them overnight. When he has them for a few hours they sit and watch tv whilst he listens to music on headphones, or they play whilst he watches sky sports.

Hardley spending time with them is it.

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