Xp has managed to send me into a fit of rage yet again

[CrackerOfNuts]

The kids got back from his and we were watching tv, when dd2 said 'dad can pause his tv'. I said 'eh?'. Turns out he has been at brought an all singing all dancing flat screen 42 inch plasma tv.

Now, i totally agree with anyone who says, it is his money he can do what he likes with it, but he still hasn't been a brought carpet for his flat, and still has no cooker, fridge frezer or washing machine. All of those things that he needs before he can have the kids stay over.

I just cannot believe what a selfish twat that man is. He already had a tv in perfect working order.

Crackerofnuts - you shouldn't be letting other peoples comments on an open forum get to you - it's your choice to be angry with posters

Anyone can post anything here remember, even if they disagree with you

yes, your ex sounds like an arse, that is why he is your ex, right ?

Your children will eventually realise that mummy and daddy's priorities in buying appliances and making things nice are different.

How wierd to think a holiday is a priority over a flushing toiet!!

So if i'd have started a thread on here saying that i'd gone and brought a 42 inch tv or whatever when I had no cooker, fridge or washer, no carpet on stairs etc etc everyone would have said 'oh thats nice, how lovely for your children to have a big tv. Perhaps they can sit in front of it whilst eating the hotdogs'.

No they wouldn't they'd have all said how I had my priorities wrong.

They would have, you're right

but you've already said this isn't about a tv.........its about consistent useless parenting from him (your opinion). You can't change that, you have no control over him and his parenting techniques - you just have to be there to do your job.

Hard though it is. Hope things get easier for you and the anger fades. Try and be kind to yourself, always remembering that if he is not going to be as good to them as you would like you still get the chance to be.

And they will realise that.

Maybe we've all got our own priorities and as long as the children are happy, healthy and safe it doesn't benefit them to snipe at your ex?

No it dxoesn't benefit the kids for me to snipe, like it didn't benefit them for him to offer me £1000 to sleep with him and then act all offended when I went mad about it.

I give up on here, I really do.

So basically xp is gereat then cos he gives them crap for tea, but at least it's food and sees them for a few hours a week despite being on the doorstep and not working.

Thats the last time I post anything on this section.

Sorry but how the hell can a holiday be a priority over a flushing toilet or broken toilet so to speak?

A holiday is a luxury a working toilet is a nesesity (sp?)

It's all to easy to get into a 'my ex is worse than yours' competion. We all know kids whos Dad or Mum sodded off and refused to acknowledge them, but is that the standard we should really be judging by? anything more than total abandonment is a wonderfull blessing??
You don't have to have a fridge, or a telly, or carpets or any of that stuff,but a parent surely should make some sort of effort?? I bet if the Op's ex was going to the shops before picking them up and getting them some picnic food and reading stories to them, playing with them, helping with theri homework, asking about their day ect ect she wouldn't be complaining about his lack of appliances.
As it sounds as if he's feeding them tinned hotdogs that require no effort to prepare or even a special trip to the shop to get, while smoking all over them and ignoring them to watch sky sports on his super duper telly I can completely see why she is angry.

Noone said he was great - think i called him an arse

And you keep posting extra information - obviously its shit he offered you a grand to sleep with him, what a freak

People (like me, who haven't seen your other posts) are only responding to this post.

He sounds shit, really immature into the bargain

The thing is - I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth here - you have to be the adult constantly and look after the dc properly (and not give them hot dogs etc) and there is no shared responsibility at all.

You prioritise your spending and act conscientiously for the sake of the dc - and he gets away with being hopeless.

Don't be put off posting - I'm not quite sure what's going on with your thread or why so many posters seem to be standing up for your xp's right to be shit.

Have to say I've not read your other threads either and I still got the overall picture from this one - i.e. it is not about appliances (that is just one example)

It's about him being crap and making no effort

CrackerOfNuts - I do understand your POV. It sounds as if your ex is being excessively immature in prioritising his purchases - I too would be exceedingly irritated by the TV and games consoles being bought before the cooker, fridge and washing machine.

I would also be very annoyed by him buying the children takeaways. Why should he be able to get away with feeding the children junk? Do you then feel the need to feed them a super healthy diet to compensate?

Very and for you.

Agree with Anna re the food thing.

Oh yes, it's fine if cracker's xp feeds them hot dogs once in a while - but it's only ok because they are getting a good diet generally, purely thanks to their mum.

I can catagorically confirm that Nuttys Xp is an arsewipe, and she is right to feel rage at him.

what tiredemma said

I agree with the orgianl poster and can sympathise with her.

Seems that Dad's who do ANYTHING at all to see thier children are immediatley great dads, whereas mums who work hard and struggle are criticised.

I think that as an adult and a parent prioities should lie with providing basic necessities. I personally would consider a fridge to be a necessity, if you have young children then I would consider carpet or other suitable flooring to be a necessity as bare unsanded boards are dirty and can be dangerous.

If my ex went out and bought a mega TV in the circumstances I would be angry too, as I reckon most people woudl be.

My ex does similar things - he does see DS but he is crap with money and puts his own needs first (eg I asked him to get DS some new shoes and he came back with shoes for himself and none for DS) and that is crap. I put my needs last.

As someone else said there are plenty of things I would liek such as a computer at home, some new clothes etc but I don;t get them as I get stuff for DS, whereas my Ex does get them and yet doesn't pay up his maintenance.

Is crap.

Cracker only wanted some support so I think that to start attacking her for her comments is a bit much! Being a lone parent is hard work and some ex's are worse than others but they are all ex's for a reason!

Funny, because you obviously DON'T agree that he should be able to spend his money on whatever he wants...

What he WANTED was a flat screen TV..........

And you don't agree with it..........

`Being a lone parent is hard work and some ex's are worse than others but they are all ex's for a reason'.

I'll try to remember that when I am in court next month and my ex is explaining to the judge why my son shouldn't be allowed to spend more than 5 hours a week with me.

In court for the 4th time, mind.

And to Idreamofclooney: Presumably your Ex pays CS and maintenence... In which case, it's not his problem to buy shoes, it's yours.

I'm all for an NCP wanting to do stuff for a child to make sure they feel loved wanted, but it's not for the CP to TELL them what to do and then chuck a hissy fit if they don't get what they want......

Exactly Lostdad.........

MILLIONS of dads bend over backwards to do everything for thier kids, but in the eyes of the CP, it's just not right/ good enough / they would have done something different

You are a good dad, though... don't forget that!

I'm sure I remember nuttys XP being one who has had many threads about him, and iirc, he is an arse so this is yet another issue, not the only singular one which is probably why it seems much worse to those who know some of her previous threads.

If the only issue ever was that he hadn't got a cooker but did have a TV the I'd say fair enough, but he has said he cannot have the children overnight until he buys the appliances and carpets.

Yet instead he buys a tv. I think she ahs every reason to be pissed off.

Just as I did when XP told me he couldn't have the DC's overnight until he had his own place, yet rather than save up and get one he spent his money in the pub and waited til the council housed him.

Buying a TV is not a big issue but using your money for something not necessary when it would be better off used elsewhere ie making your home ok for your children, it does become other peoples business, mainly the other parents.

Also lostdad, I feel for you I really do, it must be terrible not to be able to see your children, but your case and nuttys are totally different.

"When he has them for a few hours they sit and watch tv whilst he listens to music on headphones, or they play whilst he watches sky sports.

Hardley spending time with them is it"

I'm confused - now he's critised for watching TV, when isnt that what you were doing when they said 'Dad can pause his TV'?

I'm not on either side, this is a forum where each individual gives their own opinion, some you'll like, some you'll dislike. If you wanted people to agree with everything you said - I would think twice about posting on here. What you did want want someone to rant at (as would I in a temper!) .... thats what you were given.

Nobody has said you're a bad mother or he is a bad father....it's his loss if he does not wish to see his children anymore. All you can do as the Resident Mother is encourage it. What he doesn't realise is that his Children will be all grown up soon and will be out with their own lives - he is the loser then. Do what is right by your children and ignore him. If he was the nicest bloke in the world in your eyes and never put a foot wrong to make you angry - you wouldnt have left him, would you?

Thank your lucky stars you got out!

Good luck with whatever happens - he really isn't worth getting yourself so up tight about.

Katelyn x

Katelyn, Surely the one day a NRP sees their child should be about building on their relationship and spending good quality time together to make up for the time they miss?

If the Resident Parent watches say an hours tv a night with the child, the percentage of time spent not interacting is a lot less than if a NRP spends the same hour watching tv iyswim.
So in reality, it makes no difference what the RP is doing.

If my DC's were to go to their dads for say 5 hours, and spend most of that watching tv, I'd be annoyed.