Xp has managed to send me into a fit of rage yet again

[CrackerOfNuts]

The kids got back from his and we were watching tv, when dd2 said 'dad can pause his tv'. I said 'eh?'. Turns out he has been at brought an all singing all dancing flat screen 42 inch plasma tv.

Now, i totally agree with anyone who says, it is his money he can do what he likes with it, but he still hasn't been a brought carpet for his flat, and still has no cooker, fridge frezer or washing machine. All of those things that he needs before he can have the kids stay over.

I just cannot believe what a selfish twat that man is. He already had a tv in perfect working order.

It's all points of view VictorianSqualor.

If my ex posted on here...I'd probably be criticised for this, that and the other. For all she does post on here and tells all I'm sundry what an `arse' I am.

I've never met CrackerOfNuts' ex, so he could be an arse for all I know. But then again - it's an emotive subject and it is hard for anyone to be impartial when our kids are involved?

All I'd say (and I know nothing about the situation) is - do CrackerOfNuts' kids love him and does their relationship with him benefit them - 42" TV and hotdogs aside?

VictoriaSqualor

I don't disagree with you, I was merely saying that from buying a TV to watching it, it appears we're never going to be happy with what Dad (ex-husband) chooses to do with his money or his time.

I don't know about any other mumsnetters, but I dont frequent this site to 'argue' with people, merely to put accross opinions.

Katelyn

The point is though lostdad if your ex said you could have the children overnight, and you felt your home wasn't suited to having them, because of a lack of amenities, would you buy a tv or the amenities?
I'd imagine the latter.
That's what has annoyed nutty.

FFS I was watching a film with them, at the time dd2 made the comment about her dads new tv.

He sits them in front of tv whilst he ingores them. Thats hardley the same is it.

Oh and as for you Youcannotbeserious, wtf are you on about ? So i am a liar then am I ??

I knew he would buy a tv, have no problem with him buying a new tv, after he has sorted out his flat and sticks to his promise of having the kids overnight like he said he would.

I said i'd not post on this section again, and I won't, I also won't direct anyone else to it for support and advice as i'd hate them to think they might actually get some.

I do appreciate those of you who posted saying that from my other posts it is clear what kind of man xp is, so thank you for that.

lostdad

My husband is exactly the same. We are in a court battle at the moment - I sympathise with you completely.

The accusations from the ex wife's mouth are not supported and this is just being realised - hang in there....

Katelyn

Crackerofnuts

We don't read ALL your posts, just comment on that which started this thread.

Good luck.

the thing with nutty's xp is this is not the only thing, like mine , he seems to be an endless stream of frustrating incidents, and it seems like today nutty has had enough

she isn't comparing him with anyone else, and she is the one who has to deal with him, i dont understand the harsher comments directed at her

Fair point VS...but did he buy it or was it given to him? Has he got the other stuff on order? Does anyone know for certain?

My family have given me various things since my ex left (including funnily enough, a TV).

These assumptions are a slippery slope. Stupid small disagreements turn into stupid big ones that do nothing that harm the children and very often with children not having any relationship with the NRP - or in my case a court appearance every few months.

nutty said he went and bought it on saturday

FGS he brought it and no the other stuff isn't on order, he reckoins he hasn't had time to sort it, which is rubbish.

Lostdad i feel for you i really do, as my dad was in your position once, and fought like mad for us and won. The difference is, my xp couldn't give a toss.

I am really stunned at some of the comments recieved on here today, and am still not sure what I did to deserve them, and what my xp did to deserve all the suport he suddenly seems to be getting.

Mind you, seeing as a memeber of xp's family recently got a computer and got connected to the www, perhaps I should be less surprised.

Nutty, unfortunately I think that as some people out there are actually decent parents and do make an effort wrt contact/access with their children people in those situations can all too easily tar the complaining mother with the same brush, just as it can be all too easy for those of us whose XP's are absolute jokes when it comes to parenting can find it easy to believe that all XP's are in the same vein.

It can be extremely frustrating to see the unreliable party getting 'benefit of the doubt' when you're the one that knows the facts and are dealing with the shit day in day out.

I totally understand Cracker. I am not a lone parent, but my friend is . Her xp is a waste of space. He takes ds to the pub for most of the day on his access days and doesn't have enough money for ds's shoes, but swans off on a golfing holiday to spain. He spends lots of drugs and drink, but hasn't paid his phone bill, so is uncontactable, re the fact that he has not turned up to her ds's last access day.
I started a thread (well 2 actually), by mistake, not knowing what section to put it in.
I got some really great replies. But I also got lots saying, this is o.k. you can't comment on how the xp spends time when with ds.
But yes, we can !!!!
Mumsnet has gone a bit soft these days
Not always, is parental involvement better, than no invlolvement at all. Not if the involvement is actually destructive.
I hear your pain, similar to my friend.
Thank god I have a lovely dh. I don't know how you all do it

sorry he hasn't made the kids a higher priority again although sadly he probably sees the tv as a means to entertain them easily as much as himself. I suspect you're disappointed and angry on their behalf as much as your own. Sounds like he is determined to squander his pension pay out

just a question to all of those who say that OPs ex's behavious is fine.
Would you be happy for YOUR dcs to go to someones house on a regular basis, a friend or a relative, a childminder or whoever if you knew the adult in charge would be smoking all over the kids, feeding them tinned hot dog sausages every time and wouldn't interract with them, I know I wouldn't. I don't expect mitchelin star cooking in a fabulous abode everywhere we go but I think things like not smoking inside and not having the same food from
tin that requires no effort every visit would make me angry too, I'm finding it difficult to understand why people would think that that was acceptable.

Oh nutty I can see how frustrating this situation is for you. He's a nob and always will be.

You do have to remember though that not everyone will know your history with your ex, and will reply based on the OP alone. Which, at 7 sentences isn't going to describe for all and sundry what the nature of the last 7 or so years has been for you.

So don't take it personally, and getting angry with folk for it is not going to help anyone - least of all you.

Just remember - your kids will see him for what he is as they get older and that will very much be his loss.

What is it with some people on this post?

I got jumped on by two people for merely giving my opinion - I do not appreciate being attacked for this.

I find it odd (as some other posters do) that so many people were so hostile to the OP, let alone anyone who dared to agree with her point.

I try to be diplomatic in my posts, I certainly do not want to offend anyone as I enjoy the lone parents board, but this thread has not been pleasant or supportive.

Sorry to lostdad, I didn;t mean to offend you.

As for youcannot be serious - if you read my post you would have seen that my Ex does not in fact pay regular maintenance. Your attitude that if he pays ANY maintenance for his child, that makes it MY JOB to buy shoes when my son needs them seems odd to me - surely any responsible parent woudl provide for their child;s needs before their own? That was my point.

I am amazed that I got slated for it.

I really do not need this, all I expect from this board is a bit of chat and support not constant criticism.

I too am amazed by the hostility to OP on this thread. As I said further down I'm not familiar with the background, and it was still clear to me from the posts on this thread that this as the latest in a long line of crapness and not just an isolated incident.

for you cracker. It must be exhausting to put up with this from him.

IDOC - Sorry, I didn't se that your ex didn't pay until after my post, and given I'd posted in 'the heat of a moment' I decided not to go back...

why the hostitility?? I guess many people live with the other side of the coin.

My DH's ex often sent the kids without coats / shoes (you know, the basics) and then criticised if the kids were returned in a similar state - apparently it was our duty to ensure they were kitted out correctly, NOT hers (even though in our case, she gets IN EXCESS OF £5K per month)

The kids do tend to come with stuff now, but only because we buy it here and it's stuffed supermarket-sweep-style into a big bag 'to be taken to mummy's'

Custodial parents often get to criticise NCP for every little thing they do but it doesn't happen the other way round.

Over the last ten years, I've really learnt to deal with it and am (usually ) pretty good but she (his ex) still passes comment on every area of our lives and wants a little hand out every time we treat ourselves or get something new.

I was having a bad day when it comes to custodial parents when I saw this post (Not that it makes it your problem,,,, but!)

My DSD asked what school I would choose for my DS (due May 08) and I said 'well, the same school we pay for you and your sister'. She came back with 'Mummy will have something to say about that'

And my DSD is right. Her mother WILL have something to say about it, just as she's got something to bloody say about everyting.

Her mother has 'soemthing to say' every time it appears we might not be living on the bloody breadline.

We pay up, as per the CO which was agreed some years ago. Why should it matter WHAT we do as long as that CO is upheld? Why should we constantly be hauled over coals because 'our' priorities aren't to give his Ex every single penny we earn? She 'has a problem' with us spending anything on ourselves. I have a problem with HER spending half her bloody life on holiday while I look after her kids, but I just let it go and make sure the kids are OK here.

As I said, none of this is the OP's fault, and I didn't mean to cause offence, but my point remains... You cannot FORCE your Ex (or anyone else) to live by your priorities

And you can check the other posts I've ever written on this;

I WANT my DSDs to feel at home here. ALL I would like from their mum is a set of clothes that they can be collected and returned in (we do 100% of the driving)

I am more than happy to buy everything else here.

I DO NOT expect to be told that I need to fund another pair of shoes for my DSDs for use at their mothers house. That is what CS is for.

And I certainly don't like being told that I should buy my DSDs shoes in preference to actually spending my money on me (yes, we have had a ludicrous situation where DH's ex wanted MY money taken into account for 'her' maintanence (she was looking for an increase) but her wages (should she actually manage to haul her ass up and get a job) should be hers to keep 'as her pocket money'. AND, she got away with it.

NO-ONE will ever convince me that is right or should even be legal.

Thanks for responding Youcannotbeserious

I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in. That is not fair at all.

The situation with my DS's shoes is very different to your situation, I can understand how what I said annoyed you, I gave it as an example of my Ex's behaviour (I hadn't had luck getting money off him that month, DS needed new shoes which I couldn;t really afford, so I asked Ex to get some in leiu of money and he didn;t but had the bloody cheek to come in with two pairs for himself - that really p'd me off which is why I mentioned it in this context.

Anyway, thank you for setting the record straight - I appreciate it.

£5k a month and doesn;t buy her children shoes I'm luck if I get 5% of that from my Ex and I am 100% responsbile for providing everythign for DS (including food for him while he is with Ex)

Sigh

Yes, I appreciate yor situation is different as, I am sure, is Cracker's....

I should have mitigated my response (or at least read the posts correctly!)

I suppose what really got me is that both of my SDs will be out of secondary education before my DS even goes to this school. And, given we pay 100% (fees, extras, uniforms - everything), why shouldn't my son benefit from the same?

But, in his ex's eyes, we shouldn't pay for my DS's education - because we should be funding Uni fees / cars / weddings....

As I say, I apologise for any offence.

Maybe we need separate topics for 'parents with custody' and 'non-custodial parents' or whatever terminology is correct.

Or could we set up topics for 'good' people and 'bad' people and I get to choose who can post in which one?