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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

God,I feel like a shit,never thougth I'd break someones heart

59 replies

tetti · 14/02/2008 19:00

I had seen a guy 8 years my junior for 4 months on a very casual basis.We got on great,had great sex,and I feel alot of affection for him.However,he is not ready for a relationship,and,he sleeps with another girl I found out when I asked him,so no,we weren't exclusive.

Then a little while ago,I started chatting to a guy form a dating site.And omg,he's the sweetest ever.We talk on the phone for at least 2 hrs a day,we are so similar it's scary,and although he's extremely sexy and attractive,he's just not aware of it at all.
We can talk about everything,and he both tick all eachothers boxes so to speak.
I never thought a guy like him existed and vice versa.
We are shitscared of meeting this weekend,as we both know this could really lead to something,and I don't mean a little fling...
He keeps thinking about me all day and look at my photo he has on his mobile,and I do just the same:-),soppy,I know...
There's just this crazy,unbeliavable connection there,and it has blown us both away completely,it's soo surreal.He wondered what the hell someone like me were doing on a dating site,and I wondered the same thing about him.
Turns out we were both there for the same reason,we both work,all our mates are paired up,and neither of us are into clubbing,so we don't really meet any new faces.
I have got such a good feeling about this wonderful guy.
So why do I feel so bad about letting the casual guy down? Am I a complete bitch?!Because I do feel like one...

OP posts:

Alambil · 14/02/2008 19:21

Of course you're not; you are stopping the casual relationship before starting another - HE is sleeping with another person WHILST "with" you!!

Hope it all turns out good

Dropdeadfred · 14/02/2008 19:24

I dout his heart will be broken if he'ssleeping with other people.

Good luck with the other guy, but remember on the pohone is NEVER like real life...

Carmenere · 14/02/2008 19:24

Um, I think it might be a bit unlikely that you will break the other blokes heart. He is actually shagging someone else so it is unlikely that he is too emotionally attached to you.
good luck with the new guy though.

zippitrippitoes · 14/02/2008 19:25

no you aren't

have you met this other guy yet?

zippitrippitoes · 14/02/2008 19:28

and you only saw the other guy for a short time..he isn't going to have his heart broken

Original poster

tetti · 14/02/2008 19:38

Well,he's become a little bit more clingy of late,so if not heartbroke,he'll b very bruised,and I def know that 4 sure.
Though I know the phone's not the same as real life,stranger things have happened.I know loads of people who are in serious relationships,and who also met on the internet.I can't write down all the reasons why I strongly feel something will happen with this guy(can't pack in over 20 hrs of conversation into a few lines),but lets say that I certainly can't see it going too bad.You never know,sure,but I very much doubt we'll meet and not hit it off,we're already hit it off!Both of us are also"internet dating virgins",lol,so it's all new:-)

OP posts:

Janos · 14/02/2008 19:38

Tetti, you are most certainly not being a bitch.

Good luck meeting your new guy and don't feel guilty.

WiiMii · 14/02/2008 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tetti · 14/02/2008 22:59

Thing is,now he can't have me,I think he's had a bit of a wake up call,but it's a bit late for that,isn't it?
He should have thought about that before,right?
God,what is it with men?
I've switched off my mobile so that I won't be tempted to take his call,I knew he'd be in touch today,I just knew it,and sure enough I got a txt-Happy valentines baby...
Of course I felt,ehm,feel some attraction for him,we also got/get along great,it's just hard when you know you have to cut that person out of your life.I thought it'd be fairly easy,but,hey,nothing is ever simple.I know I'm doing the right thing for sure,but it still doesn't make it any easier.
Maybe if I do feel blown away by this guy on Sat,I'll find it so much easier.But,of course,we haven't met yet,and it's impossible to tell how I'll feel when I see him I guess...Just never been in this kind of situation before,not where I have to let go of someone that I like,because of meeting someone else.
Just got off the phone to the internet guy,and there sure as hell is something there,and what we have in common won't disappear when we meet in person,just have to see if the sttraction is for real or not...

OP posts:

misspudding · 14/02/2008 23:33

You won't be breaking the toyboy's heart, to be honest he sounds a bit pathetic and you deserve far better than someone who is shagging someone else... Just ignore the texts or calls. As for the internet guy, take it easy and let us know how you get on x

Dropdeadfred · 15/02/2008 08:25

I can't understand whay you're worrying... he isn't in to you enough to even be exlusively sleeping with you. But if you're okay with that kind of thing why not keep him for a while until you're sure about No.2 man...

Disenchanted · 15/02/2008 08:29

To be honest if you weren't exclusive and he was sleeping with someone else then i hardly think hes going to have his heart broken!

Good luck with the new relationship

zippitrippitoes · 15/02/2008 08:31

well as the guy is sleeping with other people then if you want to keep sleeping with him then there is nothing stopping you..that is the point of agreeing that arrangement with him isn't it

i think the valentine text is just politeness and friendliness acknowledging the relationship

he wants to keep tabs on you as an insurance for the time his sex life is a bit dead

fym · 15/02/2008 08:38

go and meet the new bloke a couple of times - decide if you really like him then let the first guy down.

A bit of overlap isn't a problem especially if he's doing it as well!

Just don't let it go on and on else everyone'll get hurt!

turquoise · 15/02/2008 08:39

From the sound of things, you're the most likely one to have a broken heart: you're investing an awful lot in something that is not real (have done internet dating and know what you're talking about). Plus you obviously see the best in people - seeing a much better side to your sex buddy than we do on the bare facts you've given us.

So relax, don't worry about any broken hearts, and take it slowly.

chrissnow · 15/02/2008 09:05

I was in almost exactly the same situation as you. I was having a casual little fling with a chap (who suddenly started to want to see more and more of me). I then met a chap over the phone through work. He took my mobile number off me and we really hit it off. We talked for 4 hours a night. We only saw little photos of each other and though he looked ok I have to say my heart didn't set on fire. The conversations on the other hand did light me up.
In the end I told the casual guy I'd met this other guy and I just had a feeling that it could really go somewhere and I didn't want to jeapordise it by being involved (however loosely) with someone else. He took it very adultly (he was older than me though) and said. I genuinely have a lot of fondness and feelings for you and I would love for it to work out and for you to be happy. So go for it, Good Luck and if it doesn't work out give me a call.

We finally took the plunge and met up. It was great and seeing him in the flesh was a whole different thing to the photo - much better looking.
Long and short of it - we have 2 beautiful daughters and celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday!!!

Original poster

tetti · 15/02/2008 10:29

Wow!,:-),I'm so glad to hear how things worked out for you chrissnow,that shows that you just never know what's around the corner!

I do not agree with turquoise tho.
What is not real about what I'm going through with the internet guy?
Because let's face it,you can meet someone in real life ,and it'd take you much longer to find out all the info about that person,than what I've found out about this guy in a matter of weeks,as we have literally asked eachother a million questions,from our upbringing,to past relationships,to,well,literally everything.
Now,for me it's vital to have things in common,to be able to discuss anything and everything with a man.That's not a bad start,is it?
Ok,who knows if we meet and go-Nah!,but I seriously do doubt it tbh.I'm his type down to a t,he's def my type,but,we also really click,the only things that can go wrong really,would be our nerves getting in the way!:-).

I know that he is extremely attractive(well,to me anyway),BUT,it's his personality that makes him even more attractive and appealing.A guy can be a real hunk,but if he hasn't got the brains and personality to go with it...

OP posts:

MascaraOHara · 15/02/2008 10:31

tetti, it sounds fab.. forget the casual guy.. his loss.

zippitrippitoes · 15/02/2008 10:32

hope it goes well for you

i think turquoise meant that even after laots of chat meeting someone is different

not necessartily not as good but definitely can be different

WiiMii · 15/02/2008 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lou33 · 15/02/2008 12:32

yes agree, meeting someone face to face is very different, and even if you click on the phone or msn, it isnt a guarantee there is going to be anything when you meet

if that were the case i would have been sorted ages ago lol

Original poster

tetti · 15/02/2008 13:27

Yeah,of course things may well be ENTIRELY different when we meet,totally.
I haven't got any expectations that this will be the romance of the century,I may well run faster than a rocket when I meet him!lol
I wouldn't say I'm jumping in feet first tho,I'm not naive,and I do know that although there may be a heell of a chemistry now(which is strange),it just may NOT be the case when we meet face to face.
It is really nervewracking...
But hey,ahem,if it all goes tits up as they say,I can carry on seeing the toyboy,so nothing lost,lol(only kidding,or maybe not!:-)
I just find it weird that he keeps coming out with things that I was just about to say,I suspect he may have a little crystal ball hidden somewhere!

OP posts:

Original poster

tetti · 15/02/2008 22:52

Jesus christ!The old toyboy rung me again,his number didn't come up,or else I wouldn't have answered(just to avoid talking to him really,cowardly,I know)
You know when you have seen someone for quite sometime and you are very attracted to them,it's hard...
However,I know that I have to untangle myself from him completely,but I wasn't even able to tell him so this eve.I chickened out and said I was busy this weekend and couldn't see him.Where's my backbone!?
Maybe I'm better off just writing him an email,because then my defences won't come down(when you hear his voice it's like-I can't do it!)
Let's see what happens when I meet this guy tomorrow,if we do click,then I know what I have to do,and that goes without saying,I have to let the other guy go completely,no buts about it.Wish me luck,eh?

OP posts:

madamez · 15/02/2008 23:01

Tetti: WHY do you have to untangle yourself from your toyboy? YOu are not in an exclusive relationship with him, and you are not in a relationship with internet boy yet - have you asked internet boy if monogamy is a big deal to him? Is it a big deal to you?
If you do decide to embark on a monogamous relationship with internet boy, then there's no reason why you can;t remain friends with the toyboy, is there?

Original poster

tetti · 15/02/2008 23:27

Well,me and the internet boy have agreed that if we click,there's is no question that it'll be anything else but monogamous.
And if we get serious,I just would not mess him around,I've never cheated on anyone in my life,just aren't that type of person.
But I know the toyboy would find it extremely hard,if not impossible just to be friends with me as he's too attracted to me for that to work out(his words previously when discussing something along the lines of me ever meeting someone else)
So,I have to untangle myself if I click with the internet boy,have no choice,as I just cannot carry on with the both of them,no way could I do that..

OP posts:

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