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Lone parents

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Original poster

Ex coming to see kids?

54 replies

SpinningFloppa · 12/03/2023 23:37

Does anyone else have an ex that comes to their house to see the kids? My ex came the other day but he went through all my rooms including mine even when I told him not to, he also went in my fridge and cupboards and into my dining room. I ordered the kids some food and I didn’t get myself any (or him) so he asked me what I was having and I said I had some pasta in the fridge but didn’t feel like it so wasn’t going to have it. Next thing I know he has gone into my fridge asking me “what kind of pasta is that?!” I don’t even go into my mums fridge or cupboard when I go to her house and I don’t go upstairs or into any rooms unless told to! Is this normal? Just felt way over stepping I wouldn’t go to a friends house and walk around or check any rooms they hadn’t invited me in.

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 12/03/2023 23:41

You don’t have to put up with that. If the visits have to be supervised maybe all go to the park or the library for an hour. But if not, have the kids ready and send them all out to do something. If he can’t turn up at a reasonable time, don’t answer the door.

blebbleb · 12/03/2023 23:42

Don't let him in. He's got no right to make himself at home. If he wants to see the kids he can take them out.

Temporaryname158 · 12/03/2023 23:54

put an end to that! What on Earth does he think he’s doing going through your house.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 12/03/2023 23:56

He is not taking them on his own. Sadly that is not possible. Just felt it was a piss take I can’t even imagine going to my sisters house or mums house and looking in their fridge or bedroom.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 13/03/2023 00:01

Stop costs at your house.
Is there relative's house you could use - more neutral territory?

TomatoSandwiches · 13/03/2023 00:03

Get locks for the rooms, he doesn't get to come in like a landlord going through your house.
Why can't he have them alone?

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 00:07

He isn’t able to due to his own health issues. No relatives near by unfortunately he lives and hour and a half away from us.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 13/03/2023 00:07

If he can’t see them at his own place he needs to book a contact centre or take them out for a meal or to a park.

He will continue to overstep boundaries. Just tell him no. A decent father would make proper arrangements. Send him the link to the closest contact centre and never let him in your house again.

Your kids deserve better and they definitely don’t need to see him being so rude and disrespectful

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/03/2023 00:07

He's marking territory. I assume he was abusive, hence no solo visits.

Contact centre? Relative's house? Outside?

TomatoSandwiches · 13/03/2023 00:10

Depending on the ages of your children is there a soft play centre or park nearby you could meet at?
It's really not healthy to let the children see him treat you and your home like that.

AlmostaMamma · 13/03/2023 00:24

You keep posting about your ex and being told to stop letting him dick you about. So, when are you going to stop?

This man dumped you, pops in and out of his kids’ lives whenever he feels like it (with gaps spanning years) and is clearly a piece of shit. Why are you allowing him to go through your rooms and inspect your fridge? Are you frightened of him? Or do you just genuinely not know that you can say ‘no’?

MintJulia · 13/03/2023 00:27

My ex comes to my house, due to distance/travel.

I have made it clear over the years, he can have access to the sitting room, the downstairs loo, and the kitchen when he makes a coffee. He can help himself to coffee and milk.

If he overstepped his welcome, he wouldn't get past the front door the following week.

Don't put up with shit like that. Your house, your rules and he must respect them. Make it clear if he does that again, he can spend his weekends picnicking in the park.

medianewbie · 13/03/2023 00:39

My ex sees the kids at my (our old marital) house. I've discovered that, not only does he go through the rooms, he's taken photos to 'show' his family. On e rhe Divorce is through I'm changing the locks. It's hugely disrespectful.

snitzelvoncrumb · 13/03/2023 00:47

Then join them at the park or put locks on the doors.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 00:48

There is a park near by but there is only so much time the kids like to spend there they will only want to be there for an hour at most. Do contact centres cost money? There is no way he would pay for one.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/03/2023 01:01

SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 00:48

There is a park near by but there is only so much time the kids like to spend there they will only want to be there for an hour at most. Do contact centres cost money? There is no way he would pay for one.

So he sees them for an hour. He chose to screw up a nicer, better option. He can make a different choice. Pay, see them for only on hour, don't be a dick in future.

You don't have to facilitate his shitty choices.

snitzelvoncrumb · 13/03/2023 01:10

Agree with above. Nothing wrong with just an hour. Do you have a library near by? It’s free and you can sit and read.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 01:16

He wouldn't bother for the same of an hour... Library is a good idea though the weather isn't really good at the moment to be sitting out in the park for long

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/03/2023 02:05

Then he doesn't bother. Again, his choice.

You want to swim the channel and he won't step over a puddle.

DPotter · 13/03/2023 02:42

His health problems and financial issues are not yours to worry about.

blebbleb · 13/03/2023 02:50

None of it's your problem. Don't pander to this weirdo!

Fraaahnces · 13/03/2023 02:58

If he won’t pay for a contact centre, then HE isn’t willing to visit his kids. HE isn’t facilitating visits. Having him in the house under these conditions is not feasible.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 10:12

It’s for my kids benefit tbh not for mine, they want to see and have a relationship with their father. We have 4 children and he has significant mental health problems, he can not take care of them alone, 2 of them are autistic my oldest is severely autistic and he cannot manage her behaviour and doesn’t understand her, he tells her off for stimming. She is too old for places like soft play (12 this month) so there’s not many places he can take them out to,
the park isn’t always suitable as the weather isn’t nice and the children don’t want to spend long there. If I stopped it he won’t see them.

OP posts:
AlmostaMamma · 13/03/2023 11:17

It’s for my kids benefit tbh not for mine, they want to see and have a relationship with their father.

Kids also want to eat sweets all day. What they want and what’s to their benefit are not necessarily the same thing.

my oldest is severely autistic and he cannot manage her behaviour and doesn’t understand her, he tells her off for stimming.

How on earth is spending time with someone who treats her like this to her benefit?

If I stopped it he won’t see them.

Because he is a garbage father. You being a doormat will not change that or make his presence a ‘benefit’.

Find your backbone. This man left you YEARS ago and you’re still dancing to his tune. As I said above, you keep posting about your ex and being told to stop letting him dick you about. So, when are you going to stop? When your kids are adults? Never? What’s your plan?

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/03/2023 13:13

SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 10:12

It’s for my kids benefit tbh not for mine, they want to see and have a relationship with their father. We have 4 children and he has significant mental health problems, he can not take care of them alone, 2 of them are autistic my oldest is severely autistic and he cannot manage her behaviour and doesn’t understand her, he tells her off for stimming. She is too old for places like soft play (12 this month) so there’s not many places he can take them out to,
the park isn’t always suitable as the weather isn’t nice and the children don’t want to spend long there. If I stopped it he won’t see them.

Did you just want a moan? No solutions or to change anything, just to complain?

Because that's OK. Actually just having a wee moan is sometimes fine. But don't ask people what to do. Because we get frustrated if you are then clearly just going to allow him to do as he pleases.

He won't change because you are setting boundaries. But if this is what you choose, that's your choice to make.