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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

hurt again, why do I do it to myself?

9 replies

LoneLou · 11/02/2008 10:10

Not been on here for a while, heres the story so far......
my X cheated on me for 2-3 months and walked out on me new years day, just gone, we'd been together 7 years and have a 5 year old. X moved straight in with other woman and introduced ds straight away.
My head is clear and I realise how much I love X and want him back, just poured my heart out to him and he told me to my face he doesn't love me anymore. I just cannot let go, when is this horrible sad feeling inside me going to go and when can I get on with my life. There was a man that I agreed to meet but I don't think its fair to see him coz of my feelings towards X, I'm not that sort of person, so I called it off. Am I going to feel like this forever???? I feel so low and sad I just want him back, but if he doesn't love me theres nothing I can say or do, I feel really stupid but I just can't switch my feelings off, feel like I'm back to square one.

OP posts:

mummyfantastico · 11/02/2008 10:17

It is really really hard to stop loving someone, but time really does change things, and you haven't had much of that yet.
Your x had at least the time of his affair to start getting over you, and he may have been thinking about before he even started the affair, so he is a few months in front of you anyway, and he doesn't have to deal with the fact that the person he loved and trusted actually was an arsehole.
Sending lots of hugs xx

lostdad · 11/02/2008 10:21

Lou, there is nothing you can do to make yourself feel better. Only time will help.

For a long time I loved my ex, despite all that she has done to hurt me. Even now I somtimes think I may still love her, but that is fading and even if I did, I could never trust her again.

Just hang on...things will get better. Not suddenly, very probably not quickly. Try to keep your mind clear, think of your childs best interests and do what you know is for the best. In years to come you will look back on these days, knowing you did your best and with the knowledge that it made you stronger.

Do what needs doing, for your child and for yourself. Just keep talking to people and just keep trying and things will be better one day.

TLV · 11/02/2008 10:23

Paul Mckenna Instant Confidence did it for me (well helped alot) gain some self confidence, I feel for you coz i was in exactly the same position and only till I regained my confidence and took control over my life and yes I still loved him but I decided after flipping out and my mum giving me a good slap that I wasn't going to let him affect me that way (sorry if this sounds hard) but its working for me but then everyone is different

it does get better btw

sending lots of hugs too xx

Original poster

LoneLou · 11/02/2008 10:26

before this happened to me I used to think people were stupid to keep hanging in there when feelings weren't given back but I completely understand why people can't let go. I know time is a healer but I wish time would hurry up!!

OP posts:

Original poster

LoneLou · 11/02/2008 10:28

funny that tlv i've too got the paul mckenna instant confidence, it does help but I don't always have the time to listen to it. I wish paul mckenna did a cd how to wipe the X from your mind!! lol

OP posts:

TLV · 11/02/2008 10:40

the cd comes with the book, well it did with mine, was stuck in the back and I really think it works

skyatnight · 11/02/2008 10:44

Lou, Paul McKenna does do some kind of book or CD about getting over lost love. Have a look on Amazon.

pirategirl · 11/02/2008 10:49

you had every right to tell your ex how you felt. Don't beat yourself up about it.

You were together along time, you once had a shared outlook on life, andboth loved each other.

Just becuase he changed, doesn't mean to say that you have to chamge your feelings for him overnight.

its not been long.

Itis 3 yrs next friday ( sad huh) that my husband (ex) left me and a two yr old. I still love him.

It is a testement to your commitment that you will try and tel him how you feel.

I gave up after about 6 months i guess. I still tried to gethim to be realistic about his duties to dd, about contact etc up until about 3 months ago.

There is a point where you give up with the love, one day you will feel a bit more self worth, and pride. What I mean is, you will be harder, and think, hell you don't deserve me, even tho you might still have feelings for him.

Its a long road, but it does get better, heart wise. I don't know how, but it does, I supposed thats time for you.

skyatnight · 11/02/2008 11:12

Agree with Pirate. Also, you were right to tell him how you feel. You wouldn't have wanted to think back, years in the future, about whether, if you had told him how you feel, he might have changed his mind. It hurts to be told it's no use but at least you know where you stand and you will have no regrets about not saying anything.

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