I wish I had real friends

[susannah808]

Hello I'm new. I'm 46 with a 2 y/o daughter. It's just me and her. We live with my parents. It's not ideal... I think the hardest part is I have no one to talk to who gets how hard this can be when you don't have someone who's truly on your team. So I hope maybe some of you might want to be friends with me - be each others family. Thanks.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I was on my own with a young child, I joined a running club and made some friends. Do your parents mind you popping out?

Hey 👋🏼 let’s be friends!!!!!

Could you join some apps like frolo or peanuts? Haven’t used them myself but could be a way for you?

Hi thank you for this idea... my parents aren't super willing for me to have my own time, but it's still worth a try

Yay thank you 😊
How did you pick your name? The 808 in mine was because I used to live in Hawaii. Maybe one day we can make it back - that's my dream.

I haven't heard of these but will check them out. Thanks for the suggestions 🙏

Hey, so I chose the name just thinking about all the different roles I have just been expected to do as I have grown up. I went to Maui in 2016 & just loved the place & the people. Could have done without the length of time it took too get there though!!!

Do you work OP? What about toddler groups? Could you join a soft play each week to become familiar with the mums.

Sometimes having lots of friends makes you more lonely!

Just a small circle of amazing people is enough.

Keep positive and try local clubs and volunteering...

@ssusannah808 , could you give a rough location just in case we can offer real life meet ups? Obviously we need to keep ourselves safe but maybe a city location so can go from there ?

I'm almost 45, 2 older children but of course been there. I don't have any friends 😕 but I'm kind, nice and nor strange 🤔 and don't know why! I live on the London/Essex border.

Ah, I see. I have been thinking about expectations and how to match them with who I really am :)
Yes, Hawaii is a long ways away when you're not on the western side of the US. Even then it's a long flight (2 movies 😉)

Gosh I wish I could.. I've had some challenging health issues and I just couldn't keep up with vaccines, which are required for being in groups :( But I'm getting better and there still time so it's my hope I can help us get more connected. Some kiddies are happy to play with us at the playground and that's always such a joy.

I completely agree... the past few years of being a single mama has really filtered out who my friends really are, those who really cared and showed up.

Oh I wish we were in the same area, I would absolutely love to be your friend anyway... I can tell you are very kind... I live in California, outside of San Francisco. I wish we we really were neighbors....🤗❤️

I am single and childless. Recently I have idly wondered whether single mums would like to be my friend. Or would you prefer someone you can discuss the DC more with? Obviously I don't have that experience. My close friends are a mix of people, with and without kids. But no single mums currently.

It's nice you have a mix OP. I would definitely be friends with a single person with no kids it shouldn't matter anyway. I honestly love my child but I appreciate a child free coffee date and a little look around the shops without him. Go for it!

😊Yes I agree - I think it's great you'd want to be friends with someone with a kid. I don't see that often...

What I mean is kids or not I would be happy for the friendship. What matters to me is being real and balanced. I think the issue I've run into in the past is that it can be one sided, that only one person gets to be real and the other person is a support. I was recently hospitalized in the ICU for 7 days and it was eye opening to see who actually cared. Most just impersonally said hope you feel better or keep them posted and then I never hear back. I get that some people just don't have the capacity for empathy and that's just fine. I can see who those people are now and it's helped get clear on what kind of people I want in my life. I haven't come across many who genuinely care about what other people are going through. I get we all go through a lot. But it also doesn't take much to show up for another person. I find that people here on this app are all very genuine, kind and caring, wanting to help, which is truly wonderful.

Sometimes at weekends I feel lost, cos I assume everyone with kids wouldn't want to be anywhere near someone like me. It's one reason why I'm applying for a job with sporadic weekend work.

@IsThereAPenOfIt not everyone's friends have kids. It's only in the last 2 year my best friend has had her baby and the age gap is 6 years between her son and mine. I think the mums would love a catch up coffee while there child is a nursery or school. Don't let your work determine what type of work you work. Mum's work weekends too..I worked weekends before being a mum and I stopped then starred again last year.

@susannah808 Hello OP, I’ll be your friend! I feel like making friends is more and more difficult the older I get. It felt easier in my 20s and 30s, though many weren’t the deepest of relationships. Moving and culture changes relationships too. I live in the NW of England but used to live in the Bay Area, south of SF too!

And I’ve always thought people without kids are uninterested in spending much time with those that do!

As a mother who moved cities with young children, I have made friends with single parents and women with kids who don’t get on with their husbands, because those are the people who are free at weekends! I’d love some child-free single friends to expand conversation beyond kid related things!

Yesterday l read an article about Eve Desmond the founder of Frolo and she set that up because she had the same needs as you. Everything she said was exactly as you shared. So you are not alone and you may find that App very helpful.

Sorry Zoe Desmond