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Lone parents

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Original poster

I wish I had real friends

60 replies

susannah808 · 27/02/2023 21:04

Hello I'm new. I'm 46 with a 2 y/o daughter. It's just me and her. We live with my parents. It's not ideal... I think the hardest part is I have no one to talk to who gets how hard this can be when you don't have someone who's truly on your team. So I hope maybe some of you might want to be friends with me - be each others family. Thanks.

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incognitodorrito · 06/03/2023 07:00

hello ! I’ll be your friend 😊

DutifulDaughterWifeMother · 06/03/2023 10:11

OP, I think you’re going to have so many friends! You are going to have one busy diary……🤗

Original poster
susannah808 · 08/03/2023 03:20

findmeonthesunnyside · 06/03/2023 06:23

@susannah808 Hello OP, I’ll be your friend! I feel like making friends is more and more difficult the older I get. It felt easier in my 20s and 30s, though many weren’t the deepest of relationships. Moving and culture changes relationships too. I live in the NW of England but used to live in the Bay Area, south of SF too!

Thanks so much friend! 🤗
I completely agree - seems to get harder to make friends as you get older. I think it's because people have their groups and it can be very hard to enter and they are satisfied with not needing any more connections. The people that have been the most open and welcoming of interaction are those who are new to town.

So you were in the SF bay.. I'm in Walnut Creek. I loved this area in my 20's but I crave a quieter atmosphere with more nature.

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susannah808 · 08/03/2023 03:22

junebirthdaygirl · 06/03/2023 06:57

Yesterday l read an article about Eve Desmond the founder of Frolo and she set that up because she had the same needs as you. Everything she said was exactly as you shared. So you are not alone and you may find that App very helpful.

Wow thanks ☺️ it is helping me not feel so isolated ❤️

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Original poster
susannah808 · 08/03/2023 03:24

incognitodorrito · 06/03/2023 07:00

hello ! I’ll be your friend 😊

Ok 😀 I love your name btw - it's clever. What's it about if you don't mind my asking?

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Original poster
susannah808 · 08/03/2023 03:24

DutifulDaughterWifeMother · 06/03/2023 10:11

OP, I think you’re going to have so many friends! You are going to have one busy diary……🤗

Aw thanks for the confidence ✨

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Original poster
susannah808 · 08/03/2023 03:26

If anyone is interested I found this to be quite eye opening and found some healing around it

overcast.fm/+2uf1pCE5I

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Summer2424 · 08/03/2023 03:27

Hi @susannah808 i'll be your friend! 🌝

Dartmoorcheffy · 08/03/2023 03:30

I'm very jealous that you live in california. I absolutely love it there and San Francisco was a beautiful city.

Original poster
susannah808 · 10/03/2023 20:06

Thanks @Summer2424 😊
Where are you from?

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susannah808 · 10/03/2023 20:08

@Dartmoorcheffy yes it is lovely here, you are quite right 😉

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incognitodorrito · 10/03/2023 20:43

Thank you, the names comes from my inability to leave a packet of Doritos unopened and the it rhymed ! I know it’s probs not as glam as it sounds, but I too am hugely jealous and would love to live in California. I live near the Sea but it’s very chilly, rains a lot & you cannot Picknick as the monster seagulls here will swoop down and steal your food. Tres unglamorous !

incognitodorrito · 10/03/2023 20:44

Sorry about all the spelling / grammar mistakes. I hate that mumsnet doesn’t let you edit after you post !

Summer2424 · 10/03/2023 21:26

Hi @susannah808 i live in UK. The weather here has been soooo cold! I have a 5 month old baby and i usually take her out in the pram for a walk but it's been far too cold. How is the weather your end?

BeesOnLavender · 11/03/2023 14:22

Hey OP I'll be friends if you like? Feel free to drop me a PM. I don't live near you though unfortunately

Original poster
susannah808 · 13/03/2023 21:32

@incognitodorrito I suspected it had to do with Doritos which I think is quite brilliant 😆

I wish I lived near the sea though I know it's very chilly there... My daughter's godmommy lives in West Sussex and she swims in it! She's part of a group called the Blue Tits 😂 that do this. I'm very proud of her.

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susannah808 · 13/03/2023 21:34

@incognitodorrito ps for errors it's always the phones fault for sure!

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susannah808 · 13/03/2023 21:40

@Summer2424 Hi it's been raining for weeks here which is unusual and plus some hail and snow. Very cold! The shops all have spring clothes out and no one is buying 🥶 Certainly makes me appreciate the freedom of nicer weather, but we do need the rain here for the dry summer days. I think we'll have lots of wildflowers from all this rain once the sun is out again...

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susannah808 · 13/03/2023 21:41

Hi @BeesOnLavender I'm happy to be your friend too but I don't know how to PM.. I don't see that option for me. Maybe it's because I have the free version? If you or anyone wants you can email me at [email protected]

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susannah808 · 13/03/2023 21:42

Hi everyone I wasn't sure before but now I'm certain I've hopped on a UK app 😂 I couldn't find any others I was interested in - they were all about dating. I feel a bit silly but I'm enjoying the connection and thanks to everyone for being so friendly.

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susannah808 · 13/03/2023 21:54

Hi everyone, some thoughts or advice? What do you do with friends who have dropped off and then you suddenly hear from them out of the blue? I don't know how much to share about how I'm doing or what I've been through because I had shared what was going on...and it was as if it didn't register or matter. So I just let it be - if they wanted to be involved in my life they'll show more interest if they have the bandwidth. I get everyone has a lot going on and it can be overwhelming, but as I went through the darkest loneliest times a very few showed genuine caring. And they weren't even ones I had once been in touch with often. Maybe this is a case of outgrowing relationships.

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susannah808 · 13/03/2023 22:02

I don't know how to voice my feelings... because what if I'm wrong? Or I'm conflicted that I ought to be understanding. Or maybe what's the point, it doesn't matter what they do or don't do. In the last I have just stayed silent until I feel more whole about something, but something about that I'm realizing now isn't honoring what I went through, my experience. So I want to change, try something different. Speak up somehow.

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yummytummy · 13/03/2023 22:18

hi op i will be your friend! i know what you mean about people popping up out of the blue. i also struggle with this but then realised i only invest in those who invest in me if that makes sense? so if people make the effort however small i will reciprocate but i never expect anything from anyone. i do get very lonely too and illness as a single parent really hits as you realise how alone you are

TortolaParadise · 13/03/2023 22:38

susannah808 · 13/03/2023 22:02

I don't know how to voice my feelings... because what if I'm wrong? Or I'm conflicted that I ought to be understanding. Or maybe what's the point, it doesn't matter what they do or don't do. In the last I have just stayed silent until I feel more whole about something, but something about that I'm realizing now isn't honoring what I went through, my experience. So I want to change, try something different. Speak up somehow.

Hi there Susannah808, perhaps ask them how they are/what they have been up to/future plans. If throughout the conversation they don't ask you similarly it is possible that they are more acquaintance than friend. This too ok as you can lower you expectation of the value you place on the frequency/meaningfulness of their communications.

Original poster
susannah808 · 14/03/2023 01:46

yummytummy · 13/03/2023 22:18

hi op i will be your friend! i know what you mean about people popping up out of the blue. i also struggle with this but then realised i only invest in those who invest in me if that makes sense? so if people make the effort however small i will reciprocate but i never expect anything from anyone. i do get very lonely too and illness as a single parent really hits as you realise how alone you are

Gosh @yummytummy you've said exactly what I've been through and feel. I got very sick and even before that I was struggling with fatigue that eventually compromised my immune system which landed me in the hospital. It really is true, it's very hard being a single parent when experiencing this.
And I am completely there with you about investing and not expecting. This person used to be a close friend. I had a group of 3 friends who were like that, and all of them sort of just washed out and I've just adjusted my engagement to match their availability. So I just don't know what to think about his casual "hey what's up". What do you say to that? I don't think he pulled away, but I do think there's some obliviousness to it. Is there any point in calling it out?

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