How bad is being a single mom

Zamummy · 2023-02-17T20:12:44+00:00

I am about to become one and was wondering what to expect... anyone with experience?

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

unicornsarereal72 · 17/02/2023 20:30

Life is much calmer for the children and I. It depends on your own circumstances. For several years the kids dad had very little to do with them so we just ticked along on our own. He has now stepped up which is fab for the kids. I'm having to adapted again but that is on me.

Money is tight he barely pays and job hops when they catch up with him

Home life is calm. Happy and safe. I get the tv and bed to myself and if I don't feel like cooking we eat eggs on toast.

PaniniHead · 17/02/2023 20:31

Hard for childcare (I am not near family) or free time. But it is calmer, happier and I can do what I please. It’s a massive adjustment (regardless of the circumstance) but I wouldn’t change it.

JanglyBeads · 17/02/2023 20:33

Yo financial situation can make quite a difference. Also, what you're used to when with your partner.

Fantina · 17/02/2023 20:34

Financially I am very cash-strapped but life is sooooo much calmer.

Original poster

Zamummy · 17/02/2023 20:35

Partner is not helping financially anyway.

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vodkaredbullgirl · 17/02/2023 20:35

So much better than been in a horrible marriage. Only problem was money, having to cut down on work.

Dinersaur · 17/02/2023 20:38

Awesome i love my time with her rather than sharing it with someone who I didn't want to be around.

Original poster

Zamummy · 17/02/2023 20:41

How is dating going for you ladies? I am not thinking about it at the moment

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SpinningFloppa · 17/02/2023 20:44

For me awful, really awful, and I can’t date, been single 6 years as I’m with them full time (no contact with their father)

vodkaredbullgirl · 17/02/2023 20:45

I was with an ex after my ex hubby, for 2 yrs. I have now been single 13 yrs and don't intend being with someone else.

Original poster

Zamummy · 17/02/2023 20:47

I've heard men saying " I am not taking other mens children". Most men won't be serious with single mommy's

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SpinningFloppa · 17/02/2023 20:48

That’s men and women tbf , most childless people don’t want to date someone that has kids if they don’t have any of their own, find another single parent to date?

vodkaredbullgirl · 17/02/2023 20:48

Mine are adults now, so not really a problem for me.

Original poster

Zamummy · 17/02/2023 20:50

vodkaredbullgirl · 17/02/2023 20:48

Mine are adults now, so not really a problem for me.

I have a 15months old and one on the way. I feel like I've sacrificed my life was for a wasteman

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SpinningFloppa · 17/02/2023 20:53

Probably best to not think about dating for now in that case

vodkaredbullgirl · 17/02/2023 20:54

Concentrate on yourself and your children.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 17/02/2023 20:55

I love being single and living just with my kids. No intention of dating again and definitely wouldn't bring another man into my children's lives. However it's helped by the fact that I have a good job and am financially OK (small mortgage etc) and I also like my own company and enjoy being with my kids 24/7. Their dad does see them regularly and pays his share. Experiences vary so much - I personally would recommend it 110% but I know some people don't feel the same way.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/02/2023 20:55

I would strongly advise spending some time getting stabilised with just you and your daughter before dating. It is really important to establish for yourself that you don't need to be in a relationship, it is a choice. And it is not just about whether a man is willing to date a woman with children - it is about whether he is good enough to be allowed into your life and your children's lives.

PaniniHead · 17/02/2023 21:01

I’m definitely not thinking about dating for a long while yet. My daughter and I are rebuilding our lives as we want them without factoring in a third party.
With a toddler and soon to be newborn, I wouldn’t have thought dating would be top of your agenda either. Take time to enjoy your own life with your babies

Original poster

Zamummy · 17/02/2023 21:02

PaniniHead · 17/02/2023 21:01

I’m definitely not thinking about dating for a long while yet. My daughter and I are rebuilding our lives as we want them without factoring in a third party.
With a toddler and soon to be newborn, I wouldn’t have thought dating would be top of your agenda either. Take time to enjoy your own life with your babies

Not thinking about it at all. Just want to hear from experienced women

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InLoveWithPandora · 17/02/2023 21:03

I left my husband. It was traumatic (involved moving myself and my son literally hundreds of miles to return to my home country).

ExH REFUSED at first to pay me maintenance. He was financially controlling which was one (of the many) issues of our marriage. However he quickly realised that he wanted to "move on" and "start his own family" and therefore needed my co-operation to avoid a costly divorce. I held this over him - said I wanted a legal agreement re: child maintenance or he was not getting my consent with divorce. Also insisted he paid ALL the legal fees.

I got myself a job, rented a small flat and saved like mad. Managed to get the funds together for a mortgage deposit. Luckily I was eligible for first time buyer deals as I'd never had a mortgage here.

At first I found it really difficult. I felt like people were judging me when they realised I didn't have a partner. No one actually said/did anything - it was all in my head! I also struggled processing all the crap that happened. It was sort of like the more I sorted myself out and got my head "on track" the more I was able to see how messed up my marriage was. I also struggled a bit with the emotional load of being my son's sole carer e.g. if I got sick I still had to look after him (nasty with a vomiting bug!).

The LAST thing on my mind was getting involved with a man again. Part of this was due to my own childhood - my parents divorced when I was young and my mum had various boyfriends over the years and I HATED it. I was determined I would never put my son through that.

However, fate intervened. After 4 years on my own I met the perfect man randomly in an art gallery of all places (well perfect for me - he has his faults lol!). He is genuinely my soul mate (sounds cringe typing that - I never believed in that concept before!). We've been together 7 years now and I couldn't be happier. Life is so much better.

It will be difficult at times but looking back I wish I'd done it sooner!

Best of luck with it all x

Original poster

Zamummy · 17/02/2023 21:07

InLoveWithPandora · 17/02/2023 21:03

I left my husband. It was traumatic (involved moving myself and my son literally hundreds of miles to return to my home country).

ExH REFUSED at first to pay me maintenance. He was financially controlling which was one (of the many) issues of our marriage. However he quickly realised that he wanted to "move on" and "start his own family" and therefore needed my co-operation to avoid a costly divorce. I held this over him - said I wanted a legal agreement re: child maintenance or he was not getting my consent with divorce. Also insisted he paid ALL the legal fees.

I got myself a job, rented a small flat and saved like mad. Managed to get the funds together for a mortgage deposit. Luckily I was eligible for first time buyer deals as I'd never had a mortgage here.

At first I found it really difficult. I felt like people were judging me when they realised I didn't have a partner. No one actually said/did anything - it was all in my head! I also struggled processing all the crap that happened. It was sort of like the more I sorted myself out and got my head "on track" the more I was able to see how messed up my marriage was. I also struggled a bit with the emotional load of being my son's sole carer e.g. if I got sick I still had to look after him (nasty with a vomiting bug!).

The LAST thing on my mind was getting involved with a man again. Part of this was due to my own childhood - my parents divorced when I was young and my mum had various boyfriends over the years and I HATED it. I was determined I would never put my son through that.

However, fate intervened. After 4 years on my own I met the perfect man randomly in an art gallery of all places (well perfect for me - he has his faults lol!). He is genuinely my soul mate (sounds cringe typing that - I never believed in that concept before!). We've been together 7 years now and I couldn't be happier. Life is so much better.

It will be difficult at times but looking back I wish I'd done it sooner!

Best of luck with it all x

So glad it ended well for you! 🥳

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InLoveWithPandora · 17/02/2023 21:10

Thank you @Zamummy. I wish you all the best!

unicornsarereal72 · 17/02/2023 21:43

Just focus on you and the children. The kids and I have had a fab few years. We are a team and I love it. I have no plans to introduce anyone else into our unit. I dated and it's on and off. Kids are older now so don't need baby sitting but my standards are high. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship that is in any way not good for me after many years in unhealthy relationship I have a zero tolerance policy. I will not set my children a bad example of how relationships look

Original poster

Zamummy · 17/02/2023 21:45

unicornsarereal72 · 17/02/2023 21:43

Just focus on you and the children. The kids and I have had a fab few years. We are a team and I love it. I have no plans to introduce anyone else into our unit. I dated and it's on and off. Kids are older now so don't need baby sitting but my standards are high. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship that is in any way not good for me after many years in unhealthy relationship I have a zero tolerance policy. I will not set my children a bad example of how relationships look

I will be a single mum of 2 boys and was wondering if not having a dad will affect them in anyway..

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