Father not looking after child correctly

[Dolly1991as]

I don’t know what to do. I’m not with my child’s father and he isn’t looking after my child correctly.
My child is 5 years old. he doesn’t brush her teeth. Brush her hair and the clothes are never ironed. She comes home with food on her face. It’s a serious problem

Unless the issues amount to serious neglect there's very little you can do. Crumpled clothes and food on the face are just not issues, tbh. The child will get old enough to clean their own face and I've never ironed a child's garment in my entire life. Not brushing teeth is not great, but if the child's teeth are properly brushed while with DM it's unlikely to cause major issues.

How old is DC and how long are they with their dad?

Sorry just saw DC is 5. Teach them to clean their own face and send them with a toothbrush and paste.

Ironing kids clothes is a complete waste of time. He should be making sure she brushes her teeth. This is way below the threshold for any sort of social services involvement, unfortunately.

She is 5 year old and she is usually there 3 days

He should be brushing her teeth. But let's not pretend not ironing a 5 year old's clothes is a "serious problem"

I worry that this is just the tip of the iceberg you can't see. What is he feeding her, does he give her sweets all the time, does he let her stay up late and watch unsuitable TV? I think you need to have a serious talk with him.
It's pathetic that a grown man can't do these things or is too lazy to do them. Would he go to patenting classes you think? I wouldn't trust a .an like this with my cat.

Is the contact court ordered? Definitely teach some self care skills. Is she going to school dishevelled , if so make sure you make staff aware of your concerns.

You could gamble on him being too supine to take you (back) to court if you block access to DC. But if he does, you lose, possibly big: neither the courts nor SS will have the slightest interest in a DF being sloppy about teeth brushing. Plus I think that the balance of probability is that a 5yo would be harmed more from being prevented from having a relationship with their DF than they would by said DF being lazy about oral hygiene, especially since a 5yo can be taught to do their own nightly brush.

Only actual issue there is the teeth . 5 year olds can do a grand job of brushing their own teeth. Get her a cool little electric brush and a tube of paste to take in a pretty little bag and tell her if she doesn’t brush she’ll get cavities and they really hurt. She’ll most likely remember to do it ( most of the time) .
please don’t fret about non ironed clothes or scruffy hair . My children look like they’re being raised by wolves in a post apocalyptic wilderness much of the time and we are a deeply loving and happy , outdoorsy, healthy adventurous family .

i don’t know what’s happening over there but when it’s bed time she has a melt down

Can she not tell you? Does she have her own room, bed etc there?

The only thing that would concern me there is teeth brushing. And as a pp said - I'd get her a battery toothbrush and some toothpaste and show her how to do it

i haven’t asked hee

She just Said she doesn’t know and can’t remember

I’m the one who brushes them Morning and night because she doesn’t do it correctly

Do what do you want from this thread?

*so

But her attempts will be better than not brushing at all.

This is really common when kids know their parents don't get on and they dont what to say anything that couldbetaken the wrong way. Tbh the stuff you've listed I really wouldn't sweat. Your DD xan brush her teeth if she wants to, just send her with her own kit.

I don’t know I thought someone might have some answer that would help me. I’ve tried talking to him but he tells me to f@@@ off

I taught mine to clean teeth properly with some plaque reveal tablets. They are designed for kids and stain their teeth.

At 5 why is she unable to clean her own face?

My ex husband caused our son to have severe nappy rash (the GP winced when she saw it as it was bleeding), head injuries (nursery asked what happened and ex-husband said "I don't know, I wasn't in the room"), friction burns the length of his back and he has been saying for years (18months to present (8 3/4) that he hates his dad.

He still has to see him.

Not ironing clothes and not wiping their face is annoying, but nothing major.

@Dolly1991as

Donyou NEED him to have her 3 days a week?

if not I'd just stop the sleeping over. He can take her out for the day if he bothers. Does he WANT to have her, or does he have her to get at you?

Ironing clothes is a non issue. I've never ironed my kids clothes. Food on face, meh. The only thing I'd raise is brushing teeth but even then, your kid is old enough to do it themselves. Ideally they should have an adult help brushing at 5 but a few days of doing it themselves isn't an issue. I'd tell my husband to piss off if he tried to pull me up on the kids clothes being ironed tbh.