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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I hate being single...

8 replies

Alambil · 25/01/2008 16:14

DS had an altercation at school today; got told off (rightly so) but turns out someone else put him up to it ( I knew it wasn't in him to do the hitting... anyway)

WHY can't I stand up for him?! WHY can't my brain think "hang on - that isn't DS AT ALL, what else is gone on" and WHY can't it do that AT THE TIME and not on the sodding way home...

FFS I am so angry with myself - DS is now labelled a hitter, the head has been told and it wasn't even HIS fault (well - not totally I mean - I'm not totally excusing him at all)

ARRRRGH and I have NOONE to tell or discuss it with....

sorry just offloading

OP posts:

allgonebellyup · 25/01/2008 17:40

i know what you mean..

i hate it too sometimes!

Catnkids · 25/01/2008 20:52

Go back into school on Monday and talk to the teacher and the Head and get it sorted for your ds.

I know that feeling too, that's why I'm sitting here alone on a friday night....

ScruffyTeddy · 25/01/2008 21:10

Depends what happened. If my ds hit someone because someone else "put him up to it", I would be annoyed at him for being a "follower". He would probably get a worse rollocking from me than from the teacher if im honest.

Self defence against a bully I would be slightly less bothered about. Obviously, hitting isnt acceptable but I would understand the provocation more as ds has been bullied by one boy on and off for years.

Original poster

Alambil · 25/01/2008 23:33

ScruffyTeddy I was furious with him for following, but he is 5 yrs old and easily led. He knows now that if he follows such instructions again, he is for the high jump at home from me AND my parents.

This is the first time he has truly "followed" and I guess integrity to follow your own convictions (he knew he was doing wrong) is a learned skill. I have taught him from this time; well, I have impressed on him how awful it is to follow blindly and think he has comprehended it.

I am making him apologise to the other child (the one he hit) again on Monday and his mum; the child only started last week and I don't want DS to have a reputation with his family because DS truly has never shown such agressive behaviour before; it just isn't him. He now knows that to follow instructions will land him in a heap of trouble with me and it is far easier to say "no" to the bullies and then tell an adult (dinner lady etc that it is happening)

I am calm about it now; we went to my parents and they spoke to DS too. They seem to have a bit more clout to their words as DS is very close to them and they have a lot more experience!

OP posts:

dgeorgea · 26/01/2008 08:36

LewisFan,

The approach I took with my dd, and other children is that they are responsible for their own actions. They are not happy to start with, but they soon get the message I don't put up with excuses that start off by trying to take some of the blame off them.

If her friends start doing something that she thinks will get her into trouble she just comes home and lets them get on with it. That way she doesn't get into trouble.

One tactic I have used with schools when there have been problems is to make sure our daughter has a chance to have her say. It gives me the full picture at the time and chance to work out how to move forward. If she doesn't say anything at the time and makes 'excuses' afterwards I just explain to her she should have spoken up when she had the chance. Depending how serious it is I might still take it up with the school.

It has worked so far for our daughter, now 14.

ScruffyTeddy · 26/01/2008 09:58

Sorry if that came across a bit blunt last night it wasnt meant to!

My ds's dad has always been a follower, its something he's never grown out of and he's made some really stupid decisions in life because of it. Whenever ds has done something because someone else "told him to" its been like a red rag to a bull for me!

Ive made plenty of stupid decisions too, but at least I only have myself to blame

singledadofthree · 28/01/2008 00:03

have been tempted to post on here since it appeared.

i hate being single - didnt bother me when ex and i split, was glad of a relatively stress free life and certainly didnt miss the company of a woman - not after her.
but broke up with my gf last summer and on my own since, have never felt so alone. to make it worse i changed jobs the same week as we split up - my old work was as good as socialising as i worked for people i knew and most were good friends. now i work on my own all day and rarely see or speak to anyone - an average of 30 seconds convo a day, and thats usually only work stuff. some days dont see or speak to anyone.
anyway, not keen on this single lark anymore, am finding it tedious.

PillockOfTheCommunity · 28/01/2008 00:08

I always thought being single didn't bother me, but I am finding that as more of my friends have settled down and the boys spend more time away from me I do find myself missing the company.

that said, I don't think that having a partner would have changed the way you dealth with the situation Lewis, and we're just as good (if not better!) for discussing it with!

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