Not wanting to pay child maintenance?

[BiscoffSundae]

Why do some men think after they’ve had children they shouldn’t have to pay for them? What is it that makes them feel this way? (I’m sure people will say women too but the vast majority of non payments is men)

To get at the resident parents. We must suffer even though in my case he left me. 🤷‍♀️

Power and control. Withholding child maintenance is financial abuse ☺️.

Is it for power and control if they have no contact with the children though? And don’t want any? Just seems like he thinks they are nothing to do with him so why should he pay 🤦🏻

Because they are selfish and immoral.

It's to be vindictive towards the other parent. They like to be able to use excuses as to why they won't pay it...such as...its only about the money, You'll spend it on basically anything except the kids, You're good with money you don't need it, If you can afford a tv you don't need it(tv was bought with vouchers over a year) etc etc. It's a way of controlling the situation and the parent.

Because they're twats

It is heartbreaking to see so many parents choose to turn their backs on their own children. My ex did this. Then he wonders why as adults our kids don't want much to do with him. He blames me saying I turned them against him. He did that all by himself. I wish there was a better system for forcing absent parents to pay.

My exh doesn't like paying me child maintenance. As he feels he shouldnt have to. And he begrudges giving it to me. I have said it is not for me. He says that is me being nit picky. 🙄

He also at times tells me what he wants me to spend it on. I ignore this.

When I tried to sort out maintenance between us he told me “you don’t have kids to get paid” 🙄 I went through cms and he didn’t have to pay anything as wasn’t working or claiming benefits apparently so I closed the case last year, I opened it again recently and I’ve had a text message off him “so you want money now as child maintenance have contacted me” this is a man who hasn’t seen his kids in 2 years no how are the children just “you want money” erm yes why shouldn’t you pay for your kids He’s never had to pay anything anyway so not sure what he’s worried about I’ve only opened it again to prove to my kids he never paid a penny

Mine hates giving me any money he doesn't seem to realise its for DD. He moved 40 miles away to move in with his new gf, dropping his midweek contact and meaning DD has to spend a chunk of her time in the car, although admittedly his GF house is much nicer for DD to spend time in than his old flat. He never does anything with her, she's 12, never taken her to the cinema or out for the day unless his siblings are visiting, before his new baby arrived he just used to sit in with her watching YouTube. Now she gets to play with her new sister which she enjoys.

CMS said it was meant to increase a bit in Feb so I sent him a screenshot last month of what it now was and how much he was in arrears and could he just amend the SO when he got chance. He replied "Oh, I haven't added 'new baby X' on this yet, that'll bring the charge back down." As if our DD is only worth the bare minimum,

To be fair she's already got his card marked and told me that she liked visiting him, it was like going to see an Uncle and her cousin but I am both her parents. So she doesn't see him in a parental role anyway and I just try and view him as free childcare so that I can have a break.

My maintenance has dropped to 60 quid a month. He's not paid it this month. It's via the CMS. It's pathetic really. He has no contact which is his own choice. I'm going to take him to court. I can do this because our DS has a disability. The whole system stinks and I'm drained with it. Imagine begrudging your kid 60 quid 🙈

It's not just them. It can be their family's too. My ex left, we didn't see him for 5 years. It was a battle to get maintenance out of him. He still owes thousands in arrears.

Fast forward to now and he is in contact with the kids. Has been for a couple years. When he got back in touch wanting contact, there were a lot of conversations. His dad was there when maintenance came up and his dad piped up with, "Well, we didn't encourage him to pay as we didn't feel it was important since you weren't going to let them go without."

So, they can be raised by shit parents and have a support network fully backing their own shit parenting choices.

*families

My ex has no family, his parents both passed away before I met him I have often wondered if they was around if he would be more involved but probably not, his friends are the same so he sees his behaviour as normal, I get “loads of men don’t see their kids” surely paying for your kids is the least you can do if you don’t see them? Don’t have to raise them don’t have to do any of the hard work, paying for them is getting off easy.

Some of it may be about control and spite, but I think most of it is just lack of caring.

And maybe they think that since they don't see them they don't "benefit" from their existence so shouldn't have to pay.

I'm so, so glad I chose to be a single parent through a sperm bank. Can't be arsed with all this drama. I pay it all but at least that was my choice and my decision.

With my Ex-H, its because he thinks its the only thing he has left that can get a rise out of me, or a way to get me to do what he wants. He wants me to be grateful to him for the money and even wanted a breakdown of what I spent it on written into our divorce settlement. We had seperate finances when we were married so he thinks I should carry on with that now. His other thing he likes to hold over me id that our DS gets quite a large amount of DLA per month, so Ex-H thinks that because we claim that, he shouldnt have to pay CM as that is about the same .

Conversely, my eldests DS has a different father and although our relationship broke down he always paid CM and continued when DS went to univesrity to pay for half his rent. He was self employed and about 8 years ago was involved ina serious accident and was off work for a while to recover. We discussed it together and he reduced his CM while he wasnt working. My Ex-H went absolutely mad at the time and wouldnt let the subject drop. Now getting anything from him is like getting bood from a stone.

What happens if they lie to the child maintenance service? Just got a call today to say they spoken to him and he said we are going to sort it out ourselves, we are not! Haven’t spoken to him in 6 months, I didn’t plan to have kids alone so if he doesn’t want to see them the least he can do is financially support them, I wouldn’t have chosen to be a lone parent through choice.

If they have nothing to do with the child as you say then I totally get why they wouldn't want to pay. Sure they helped create the person, but don't want anything to do with their lives. Presumably the mother wants the child and so pays for them.

He cant close the case. Make a complaint to CMS. They should not have stopped calculating/enforcement because he said so. That is a complete failure on their part.

So you think men shouldn’t pay if they don’t see their child? Children aren’t pay per view 🤦🏻 Why are people still peddling this nonsense

We found the fuckwit.

Luckily they have not closed it she said she just wanted to call to check she didn’t seem to believe it anyway that’s why she called me to double check

Its wrong and utterly disgusting BUT stop letting it play on your mind. Its a form of control, the more you dwell, the more it consumes you and that is exactly what he wants. Let it go, keep the cma case open and don't expect anything. Take away his control.

Why?? Why should he have the choice to pay or not? Just because he chooses not to be a physical part of the child's life, he gets a 'get out of jail free' card?

My ex doesn't like paying as I get child benefit! So that should be enough. He hasn't seen them for 9 years now and hasn't paid anything for over a year. Cms are shit

My ex’s exact words where ‘I’m not giving that silly bitch a penny,she’ll only spend it on herself anyway’

yes,because kids don’t cost a thing-and true to his word he never gave them a penny

to the point my son was about 12/13 and really wanted a hat-dickhead dad sold hats-my son walked up and asked how much this one was
im not a sponging freeloader and neither are my kids but instead of giving ds the hat and saying ‘I’ll buy it for you son,it’s the least I can do’ or giving his own son a very small discount,he spat at ds and snarled ‘tenner’
its all my fault my ds shook his head,walked away and had spit sliding down his coat
apparently ds should have been grateful for the chance to pay £10 of his own money as dickhead dad ‘needed’ that money as he wasn’t raking it in but had enough to go abroad on holiday 4 times a year but couldn’t afford to pay for his own kids

same dickhead once chased me through the town yelling that I’d spent ‘his’ money on myself-my clothes (that where from the charity shop) nails (never had a mani) and my hair (which hadn’t been cut for 6 years at that point)

my dd went through a stage in life where she wanted to meet him
she had his iPad in her hands and he came up behind her and grabbed her which made her drop the iPad which in turn shattered the screen
he hit the roof-and demanded she pay for a new one
she laughed,threw it at him and told him to take it out of her csa money and walked out-with him shrieking that he’d always paid and that I owed him!
I got a very nasty message via fb that I owed him for a new tablet as ‘your fucking daughter broke it’
i just laughed and blocked him

thankfully I can prove he’s never paid anything

it was pure spite-and he wonders why they don’t want to know him-it’s all my fault for badmouthing him-which I’ve never done in front of them (I’m guilty of it when they where not around)