Not wanting to pay child maintenance?

[BiscoffSundae]

Why do some men think after they’ve had children they shouldn’t have to pay for them? What is it that makes them feel this way? (I’m sure people will say women too but the vast majority of non payments is men)

Lack of caring absolutely agree. I think there's also no consequences and nothing in place from as soon as a baby is born a CMS form should be given to you if you are a single parent. I think men have too much free rein why doesn't the money get deducted off of wages?

I also hear a lot of men speaking upon benefits which really boils my piss.

@ihavenocats I didn't realise parenting was optional. Where shall I drop the kids off so I no longer have to spend every last penny I have to provide for them?

With Social Services.

Oh get to fuck with that comment. My ex husband and I took a joint decision to have a child. He took the unilateral decision to have an affair, walk out, abandon our son. It does not mean his financial responsibility ends. Children are not pay per view.

I'm so sorry your kids had to deal with that. What a despicable prick of a man 🤬

@ihavenocats sadly doesn't work like that. There are children in desperate need of foster placement left in high risk situation. I don't think they will be taking my kids on anytime soon.

In my ex’s case I would say it’s a combination of

• because he can get away with it (self employed)


• sheer vindictiveness


• a sense that he has already given me enough (I got 55% of assets in the divorce and am mortgage free thanks to my family)


• it’s the only thing that he has that gives him power over me


• he hates me (or better said, himself) way more than he loves his kids and as such, can’t get a grip

it’s been 13 years….he does see them every other weekend and is consistent with that but has never taken them on holiday and rarely sees them for extra during holidays.

My ex pays a tiny fraction of what he earns and far less than he should according to any calculator. It's so little and inconsistent that I plan my spending as if it were zero.

I've never pursued it with the CMS as he changes the figure constantly and always has some kind of excuse, but I won't give him the satisfaction of querying it as it is about control and continued financial abuse.

I'm not on a low (or high) income, but he has far more money to spare than me and could easily afford to give me what he's supposed to. He thinks of it as giving me money to spend as if it were to spend on myself when it doesn't even cover half of the costs related to just sending my DC to school, never mind anything towards housing, keeping warm and feeding them.

The number of times I read on here about the NRP (usually male) making it a point of principle or even pride to pay the barest minimum they can get away with - if not nothing - in support of their own children never ceases to disgust me.

I know many times it is the NRP punishing the RP for whatever reasons they think justify their actions. When obviously the ones being punished are actually the kids.

I think there is also a massive amount of entitlement in thinking they shouldn't have to take any responsibility for their kids, that their ex partners or the state should do that job for them.

I'm sure I read somewhere recently that the Government is looking at options like mandatory electronic tagging and curfew of those who fail to make child support payments as both punishment and deterrent. Will be interesting to see if that happens.

They also think the money is going on fake nails and drinks for then other and not for the children.

I really can’t believe he tried to tell them we were sorting out between ourselves, did he really think they would be like “ok then bye” honestly 🙄 He should know me better I never had my nails done in the years we was together (not my thing) and I don’t drink but I’m sure he thinks it goes on something else for myself never mind children need to eat and have clothes

They do it because they can.

Because society enables them.

Because the law is made by men.

It's all about control. Also the type of man a woman leaves because the relationship is poor usually sees the DC as an extension of the mother. Relationship over = DC nothing to do with him.

For the first 6 months after we split, my ex paid half of DC2 nursery fees, plus £300 maintenance. £300 maintenance for 2 DC, which was the same amount he pays his ex for their 1 DC. I repeatedly told him I'd be happy to accept £600 for the 2 DC in a private arrangement between us, so it was equal for all his DC, but he refused saying as my 2 DC live together, they cost less(!).

I took him to CMS, and initially he told them he was self employed, so they assessed him as due to pay zero! I sent them evidence of his having been in the same PAYE job for the last 15 years, and lo and behold, they reassessed him as having to pay just over £600 (exactly what I'd originally asked for privately!). A quick call to HMRC would have confirmed that for CMS, but I digress.

He has only had DC sporadically, yet was surprised I'd told the CMS this; in the first year we'd split, he had the DC to stay with him 35 nights out of 365

Now he refuses to have the DC any more than a weekend here and there, and no extra in the holidays as "that's what you told CMS".

I can already see that when our DC get older and want nothing to do with him he will blame me for poisoning their minds. With no ability to self-reflect, and little emotional intelligence, he won't be able to see that it's his actions of seeing them as little as possible, therefore not investing time in their relationship, is what will get him there.

Ugh I think that’s true as well he definitely sees me and the kids as a package, it’s basically the reason he doesn’t see them, he thinks of them as “my” kids. I will continue on with the case I’m not expecting anything it’s just for proof once they are older that he never paid if I ever need it.

I think lots genuinely struggle with the idea that they have to pay for children they don't see, especially when (in their mind) that's because the mother blocked it.

Like why would you pay for a car you're not allowed to use 😥

I’ve never blocked it he has chosen not to see them though he probably tells people I have to make himself look better

He probably even believes it. Lots do.

My ex husband said he wasn't going to pay because he was worried I'd spend it on myself and not DS :-/
My 40 year old son reminded him of this recently when ex wanted to meet up after years of not being around and also told him to get stuffed.
He said I don't need you I have my mother.
The kids don't forget.

He can believe what he wants but I have the texts where he said he doesn’t want to see the kids anymore because they are “too hard” he will “never be a dad, they are your responsibility, you chose to keep them” 🤦🏻

What a depressing thread.

I really feel for those of you who have to deal with these pricks.

I'm not saying it's true. You asked why they do it. I think they manage to convince themselves it's right.

Yeh I get that I didn’t mean to make it sound like you was saying it just that I bet he tells people that luckily I have the proof for my kids as I will need it when they are older as he is a compulsive liar

My ex Hates paying me maintenance. He tells people he is paying my bills. Even when I explain it goes towards food and shelter for his children, he won't hear of it. Not sure how he thinks his kids eat, but there we go

Yep, my ex is like this too. Apparently I'm stopping him from seeing DC, yet I have it in writing as he's emailed me to say he only wants to have DC for 5 days out of 50 across the summer holidays

its a joke isn’t it my ex doesn’t want to see them at all because he “can’t manage them” so “why do I think he’s not been around” he told me not to contact him unless it was an emergency 🤦🏻