Not wanting to pay child maintenance?

[BiscoffSundae]

Why do some men think after they’ve had children they shouldn’t have to pay for them? What is it that makes them feel this way? (I’m sure people will say women too but the vast majority of non payments is men)

what a disgraceful pile of shite

Mine messes about with contact so often. Changing times, attempting to change days at the last moment, wanting to see them whenever it is convenient to him. I never allow it, so now I am stopping him seeing the children. We have an agreed timetable of contact. He even emailed me, cc'ing in my childrens disability Sw, demanding a regular schedule.
He also absolutely refuses to pay cm, currently has a DEO which his employer won't honour. He is a dick. Always asking me for a private arrangement. Err no.

It's my ex's wife who decides what my son gets. She's a bitch!!

His new partner does whatever he wants. No doubt just to appease him. I don't understand why. She has her own flat, a good career. He just lives off her

I think the men who don't pay anything feel they have a right to be d and are full of excuses.
It doesn't help when people say if you don't see ur child, you shouldn't have to pay. Yes they should have to pay regardless of the situation. It should be a birth right of the child. Where that money goes isn't down to the father. Men/boys need to realise the minute you get someone pregnant and they have that child, c.m isn't and shouldn't be a choice. Its their child simple. There she be harsher penalties for the crap poor children have to suffer.

*have a right to be dicks that should say

I agree it’s mad to me that someone on this very thread has said they shouldn’t have to pay if they don’t want to see them, err they still exist! Of course they should have to pay, me and my ex had a relationship we have FOUR children, you can’t suddenly decide you don’t want them anymore now that they exist, it doesn’t work like that, you can choose not to see them but no you can’t (or shouldn’t be able to) choose not to pay for them!

I don't think anyone here has said they shouldn't have to pay if they don't see the kids, but that that's how the men concerned often justify it - whch is what the OP's question was.

Did you miss this comment then 🤨?

Yes they did see above comment

If they have nothing to do with the child as you say then I totally get why they wouldn't want to pay. Sure they helped create the person, but don't want anything to do with their lives. Presumably the mother wants the child and so pays for them

@ihavenocats and how to you reconcile that thinking with those children who were planned, wanted and born into long term relationships/marriage where the father pr decides down the line he’d rather be elsewhere? Should we, morally, just be allowed to dump a child because they no longer suit the lifestyle we want to lead?

You mention in your post that your ex said "you chose to keep them" op, does that mean the children weren't planned or he didn't want them?

I dont say that maliciously, it's that some men believe that if they didn't want the child they shouldnt have to pay for them. That's obviously not fair or the case, but it's how some of them think.

We have 4 🤣 do you really think I managed to trick him into having 4 then 🤦🏻

Sometimes when you break up with people they say what they can to hurt you, he suffers from a mental illness and came out with loads of crazy accusations but I won’t go into them, the children was planned, it was his mental illness talking; he comes back every now and then begging to see them and disappears again. Still needs to pay for them.

I'm sure I read somewhere recently that the Government is looking at options like mandatory electronic tagging and curfew of those who fail to make child support payments as both punishment and deterrent. Will be interesting to see if that happens.

Unenforceable.

@BiscoffSundae oh yeh, I totally agree with you. Some blokes will say all sorts. That's why I asked because I know someone who's ex basically turned round and said he didn't want the kids in the first place so he didn't need to pay for them. He was a real charmer too, like your ex 🤣

My ex didn't pay, told my son I'd waste the money so instead he was paying into the child trust fund to make sure our son got it and not me... except he's just turned 18, got access and realised absolutely nothing has been paid in other than the government check of £250

Some people are simply not worthy of their children

My ex didn’t contribute anything towards our child until she was 11 and only then because he met somebody who encouraged him to do so.

However, he kept missing payments. He was very caught up on the whole giving his money to me to do as I wish with and not being certain it was even contributing to children. I ended up just placating him as I was struggling so much with costs at this point. He now pays her phone bill and school dinners which equates to £100 and sends me £40 directly. It’s £120 less than the calculator states but when he gave higher, I would just get nothing!

Im certain most men just don’t like handing their money over and not having any control over what it’s spent on. I don’t think they quite understand how much a resident parent actually pays of their own money to provide for their child.

At this point I couldn’t care less how he contributes as long as he does. The financial burden of having a teenager is immense.

What an absolute cunt.

Same here. Absolute piece of shit she is. So I get nothing.

im the op but have NC just thought I would update this, so I got a text to say I’m getting a payment. After FIVE years! I posted this because I had a CM case for 5 years and in that time my ex has never paid a penny, Cm has never done anything about it all they have said is he doesn’t work or claim benefits, so out of frustration I closed the case last year, a month ago I decided to open it again as I thought it was silly I closed it and it will be proof if ever I needed it to show the children that he has never paid for them, so I was surprised to get a text saying I am due a payment, it’s only £32 but it just goes to show he waited until I closed the case to start claiming benefits, I know some people don’t believe that men will literally not work or claim benefits to avoid paying their ex any maintenance for their children but there you go! It’s not about the money for me it’s the principle of it all, I’m sure he will come off benefits now that I’ve opened a case again...

My ex begrudges every penny he has to give me, despite the fact he cheated and then left me. Constantly says things to DD about anything he knows I've spent money on for myself, like he thinks I should live on bread and water and in rags because if I've got money to spend on myself occasionally then why should he be having to pay. This is a man who owns his own business and two homes and his business is very much cash in hand so he declares the bare minimum to avoid paying what he really owes. Yet if I buy a new pair of shoes apparently I'm living the life of Riley on his money! I work full-time in a full on job but I'm the scrounger apparently.

Not all men are like it though. I was discussing this with a friend and he pays double what the CMS say he should and his attitude towards his ex is why shouldn't she have a night out or treat herself to a new dress, she's the mother of his kids and she deserves to have a nice life too. Incidentally she was the one who cheated on him and ended the relationship but he still doesn't begrudge her.