Flying with a baby without permission from father (ex partner) - any way this can happen?

[beautyisfoundwithin]

Does anyone know the rules/have experience regarding travelling abroad with a baby who has a different surname to you, without a letter of permission from the father?

Trying to explain a long story in the shortest way possible, my sister (with her baby) has very recently escaped from an abusive relationship - not physical as far as I'm aware but I'm not sure as I think she may not be ready to admit it if that is the case, but definitely emotionally abusive and very controlling. I'm so proud of her for having the strength to leave him.

However she has really nowhere to go, she's currently staying on the sofa at a friend's house until she can get housing etc. sorted out. I would love for her and my nephew to come and stay with me for a little while as I have a bit more room and obviously would like to give her some support but I don’t live in the UK (I’m in Germany). There is no way the ex will give permission for her to take the baby abroad (although he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with his son, not even interested in seeing him ever again).

Does anyone know if there’s ANY way my sister could travel to me with her son in this situation?

Best advice here!

The bottom line is that they can stop you, & refuse boarding, if they're suspicious. There's no hard & fast rules like 'You'll be stopped if X' but 'they will have to let you through if you have piece of paper Y'.

I teach abroad, & have a court order stating that my dc live with me overseas. We all have the same surname in our passports.

What usually gets me stopped, is that due to the vagaries of school booking our flights, in January I appear to be flying one way, because it's actually the return from December iyswim. Same for June/August - I'm leaving the UK on the return leg of the ticket, with kids who have UK passports. So there's no booked return to reassure that I ever intend to return from Forn Parts with them, like, ever again.

Sometimes no-one even appears to notice. Sometimes I've had to produce my court order, my contract of employment, & the kids have been taken aside & questioned.

I'm fine with all of this; quite right if it stops abductions.

But there's definitely no explicit official rules - just if you set off someone's spidey senses, expect to have to have your paperwork in order.

A brief visit to family, with returns booked, shouldn't trigger anything, OP. I would say simplest to just book it - highly unlikely your dsis will be challenged on that one, & the fare is cheap enough to risk it?

I was asked several times when my son was still little. Once leaving Spain and it became quite difficult as I didn't have a letter from my then husband ( DS's dad), and many times coming into Heathrow and Gatwick. After DS was able to answer questions, I noticed they started asking him directly . "Is this your mum?", "where do you go to school?" And so on

This us wrong.
He can say the passport is lost.
He can alert border control by putting a flag on the child's passport. This would mean that if the child was attempted to be removed at a port, airport, international station etc, that the child would be held as a victim of kidnap.
That is a serious allegations. Would you risk that if that was a possibility?

She should just travel. Take the birth certificate as evidence of relationship. A lot of women have different surnames to their DCs, it's not a big deal. She will probably be asked "how are you related to the kids?" Upon which she can produce said birth certificate as evidence.

No one will care/ask about the Dad.

The ex can potentially stop the mother from taking the DCs abroad permanently if he got a court order but he can't stop a family holiday.

@TheVillageElder

Potentially he could report the passport as lost if he knew they were travelling and could be bothered to lodge a police report or wait in a phone queue to the passport agency. This possibly might cause some hassle at the airport and potentially could mean that the passport would be confiscated back on arrival in the UK.

But no one is going to accuse the mother of kidnap or take the child away. I promise this. I work in this area.

If you have the same surname as your little one, you won’t be asked. If you have a different surname you will be asked.
I fly with my lo alone sometimes and never have any issues as we have the same surname

Hi I have travelled twice with my daughter and no one has asked anything. Have you got a passport for the child yet? You do need the fathers passport number to complete the application.

You have now got me thinking. My Ex has moved abroad and my son 23 it going to be taking my 12 year old daughter/sister to see her dad, do they need any documentation if he is taking her abroad?

If she carries the birth cert she should be fine.

Or drive over and pick her up.

You won’t need permission for Germany. Only some countries (like South Africa) require the father’s permission on a specific form - also signed and witnessed by a solicitor.
I’m a SM and I take my son’s birth certificate when I fly with him. I have never been asked for it travelling within Europe. I also bring copies of our marriage and divorce documentation and his father’s passport (never been necessary)

@beautyisfoundwithin

So much wrong information on this thread. Please don't listen to any of the people telling you they've never been stopped (they mean "up to now") or that you don't need consent.

The links posters have given to the govt guidelines should be followed.

The point is this:

An adult travelling alone with a child is flagged. You may not know it, but trust me, the Border Control officer is deciding as you walk up whether to make further enquiries or not. They won't stop ALL single adults with a child. They will stop some. Some will be asked for the proof of consent from the parent not travelling. Some will be checked indirectly. "this your mum is it?" Etc.

ALL people travelling with a minor that they do not have parental responsibility for need consent. Grandparents, friends, other relatives.

The surname thing is largely irrelevant, though you are more likely to be asked for the consent letter if you present at Border Control and there are different surnames.

You won't be asked LEAVING the UK because there is no Border Control on exit. Airline staff are responsible for flagging up any anomalies or concerns exiting the UK. Hence, being stopped at the gate. Rarely, but it can happen.

You may be stopped AFTER your holiday when re-entering.

Some countries are very strict on travelling without both parents, others not so. Some countries require a witnessed and notarised consent letter. (You need to check requirements for the country you're travelling to) Most European countries have the same guidelines give it take as the UK. Spain is particularly vigilant as it's the most popular destination for Brits, and so, by definition, the most popular destination for lone parents to take their children. For which they need consent. It's also the gateway to North Africa and an overland way of cross border abduction without getting on a plane.

Template letters can be found on the internet. It's useful to also take a copy of the b/cert and the other parent's contact details in case they want to make sure the consent is genuine.

I have never flown abroad with my child but now I am worried. I never changed my name on marriage. We are now divorced. My child's surname is my name hyphenated his last name. My ex has no contact as I with held contact after an incident and he refuses a contact centre. We have no cao and he is hugely abusive (and an alcoholic) and we have no contact. Does this mean I either have to go to court or contact him (he will refuse or drag out solicitor contact)?

Yes. Any adult who doesn't have parental responsibility needs a consent letter. In the case of a brother taking a younger sister, both parents need to give consent.

You need legal advice for that one. Technically, unless there is a court order in place removing his parental responsibility, yes, he still has it. So, technically, yes, you need his consent.

There are steps you can take via a legal route and not going to court- you'd need to be able to prove that you've attempted to obtain consent and it's been withheld, but you do need proper legal advice.

Good luck.

We have never been questioned at the ports, only airports.

Take the child's birth certificate so she can show she is the mother.

Even at airports I've always been let through without a letter. Apparently you are supposed to have one, but I never actually knew that when I was doing it. I took birth certificate and explained I had no idea where his father was and it was fine.

I have travelled loads with my daughter without her dad. I have the birth certificate with me. I have never been asked and didn’t even know this was an issue

@beautyisfoundwithin your sister has escaped an emotionally abusive and controlling man. He will use every tactic he can to get her back under his control.
He may not want contact with the baby, but if he gets a whiff that your sister has left the country without his permission don't doubt that he will use this to attempt to bring her to heel and she could find herself being charged for removing the child from their home country without permission.
Yes many people have not been challenged, but they are not escaping someone who is abusive and will do anything to get her back under his control.
She needs to get legal advice and keep everything legally correct to protect herself and her child.

Good advice from Aude

I have been stopped and I have the same surname (and I am still married to their dad)

To the PP with a son taking 12 year old daughter. They are likely to be stopped (and so they should)

Even when travelling with DH, DS was once taken to one side and asked who we were and why we were travelling. We all have the same surnames and are both DS’s parents.

Always better to have as much paperwork as possible but with an abusive ex that's much more difficult. If they want to carry on abusing you they will refuse permission, or if they're really devious they will give permission then rescind it when you're due to fly by calling border control and getting a flag put on the child's passport. That's what my ex did. But border control can use their discretion, in my case they called him and asked why he was denying permission and decided his reason was not good enough. But he still succeeded in causing me a whole lot of stress, making us miss our flight and all, so got what he wanted. Far better to avoid all that with a court order.

I'm a lone parent, returning from Spain last time was hell. We have the same surname and her father isn't even on the birth certificate but they still ran checks to confirm the authenticity of her birth certificate and passport. I dread to think the issues I would have had if everything wasn't as it should be. I doubt I'd have been allowed to fly home if I hadn't held sole pr

I often travelled alone with my kids when they were babies. They have a different surname and nationality to me, and I’ve only been told to bring a birth certificate.

Not once been asked for any sort of permission and outside of covid lockdowns travel several times a year. Occasionally get questioned by border control re entering uk but that's it

As long as she has the child’s birth certificate with her she will be fine.