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Original poster

Flying with a baby without permission from father (ex partner) - any way this can happen?

113 replies

beautyisfoundwithin · 02/07/2022 18:13

Does anyone know the rules/have experience regarding travelling abroad with a baby who has a different surname to you, without a letter of permission from the father?

Trying to explain a long story in the shortest way possible, my sister (with her baby) has very recently escaped from an abusive relationship - not physical as far as I'm aware but I'm not sure as I think she may not be ready to admit it if that is the case, but definitely emotionally abusive and very controlling. I'm so proud of her for having the strength to leave him.

However she has really nowhere to go, she's currently staying on the sofa at a friend's house until she can get housing etc. sorted out. I would love for her and my nephew to come and stay with me for a little while as I have a bit more room and obviously would like to give her some support but I don’t live in the UK (I’m in Germany). There is no way the ex will give permission for her to take the baby abroad (although he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with his son, not even interested in seeing him ever again).

Does anyone know if there’s ANY way my sister could travel to me with her son in this situation?

OP posts:
BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 19:12

HOTHotPeppers · 02/07/2022 19:11

From what I understand you can take them without the fathers permission for 28 days, just need a copy of the birth certificate.

That’s only if you have a cao.

BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 19:12

...

Flying with a baby without permission from father (ex partner) - any way this can happen?
TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/07/2022 19:14

I'm a SM and I have never been asked to produce a letter at airports.

Same here - they check that the baby is flying with a parent, but that is all I was asked for.

I believe in some countries it is a bigger deal - a friend is worried about bringing her DS to Romania without her husband, as she feels it will cause problems at the airport. However other Romanian friends fly their kids to and fro without any issues.

Ducksurprise · 02/07/2022 19:16

They do sometimes check, but it is luck of the draw.
A booked holiday with booked return flights to a country that doesn't border a country that isn't signed up to the Hague convention of child abduction would be unlikely to refuse permission to travel. Take birth certificate as most likely to query different surname but even then it is unlikely.

To the pp that says they don't bother now their dc is 13, I would strongly suggest every parent that has a good relationship with the person need on the b/c to have permission in writing. When you are asked for it the relief from having it is priceless. If you don't have a good relationship at least take the b/c . I travel frequently and extensively without my DH we have been stopped, approximately once every 15 trips (once in 40 ish trips within Europe) have always been grateful for the paperwork.

Ugzbugz · 02/07/2022 19:16

I am a single mother and have only been questioned on return and had my sons birth certificate to show although my ex doesn't stop us going on holiday but even if he did i would go.

If I was your sister I would just go and not mention it. He probs won't won't realise.

Hurstlandshome · 02/07/2022 19:17

Parents travelling with a child with a different surname must carry the child's birth certificate. I'm asked for it every time I return to the UK from hols.
There's no reason why she wouldn't be able to travel with her son.

Tirediam · 02/07/2022 19:19

I was going to ask what @Ugzbugz said… if she can fake a letter etc.. would he even know they had gone away for a few weeks?

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 19:21

MintJulia · 02/07/2022 18:50

And incidentally, I know someone who wrote a letter of permission, faked a signature and posted it to herself. She carries it in case she is asked.

How would anyone at the airport know whether the signature is real? They can't of course.

This won't work as you need a copy of their passport/ID too..as I found out with a legitimate letter but no copy of his ID. Was pretty horrible, wouldn't repeat it in a hurry.

Ducksurprise · 02/07/2022 19:22

Theyear Romania is part of the hague convention and iirc all the bordering countries are as well. Still worth getting a letter if possible. The best is a photocopy of the father's passport and written confirmation on the photocopy

Ducksurprise · 02/07/2022 19:24

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 19:21

This won't work as you need a copy of their passport/ID too..as I found out with a legitimate letter but no copy of his ID. Was pretty horrible, wouldn't repeat it in a hurry.

Show quote history

This, I've seen how people are treated when they haven't got proof.

All those that haven't been stopped are lucky, doesn't mean they won't be stopped again. I'm not saying don't go but take as much as you can as proof.

BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 19:25

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 19:21

This won't work as you need a copy of their passport/ID too..as I found out with a legitimate letter but no copy of his ID. Was pretty horrible, wouldn't repeat it in a hurry.

Show quote history

Not true my ex doesn’t even have a passport

BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 19:25

How many exes would give you a copy of their ID? Don’t believe that tbh.

ivykaty44 · 02/07/2022 19:27

my dad used to travel regularly with my daughters on the ferry to france - no-one ever queried him. He had a different last name and was clearly much older. No one ever asked if he had permission

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 19:28

I've been asked a couple of times upon leaving my country of residence, not upon entry to the U.K., so it depends where she is.

I didn't have the copy of DH's ID to prove the letter was his and it was extremely stressful. DC(8&10) were almost in tears from the questioning I got - it looked like we'd be prevented leaving, but thankfully weren't. DH isn't a national of this country btw so nothing to do with that, simply I didn't have a copy of his ID).

If her ex is manipulative and controlling and the country they're in is signed up to The Hague Convention about child abduction then under no circumstances should she risk it: he could REALLY cause her problems. I know of a mother who lost custody during for leaving to go "back home" without permission.

It's horrible but the situation for her can really be made worse by him if she breaks the law. If she can get legal advice locally on how to get around it then that would definitely be her best first step.

ivykaty44 · 02/07/2022 19:32

Not true my ex doesn’t even have a passport

boarder staff have access to birth death and marriage certificates - which is I.D.

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 19:32

BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 19:25

How many exes would give you a copy of their ID? Don’t believe that tbh.

I've been asked for it twice since May. First time I didn't have it, second time I did and we then went straight through.

It needs to be a copy of ID so maybe drivers licences are counted - I don't know but I do know it's a bloody nightmare.

However it works both ways and that's usually the leverage: he also needs her permission to take the DC on holiday abroad. So from the people around me with asshole exes, usually he holds off until the last minute but then he'll provide the letter (she keeps the ID copy) because he needs her permission later too.

Ducksurprise · 02/07/2022 19:32

BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 19:25

How many exes would give you a copy of their ID? Don’t believe that tbh.

Driving licence might work I don't know.

I don't care if you do or don't believe me. I've seen parents turned away at the gate because they don't have proof, and tbh I'm glad, a thousand holidays disrupted because parents didn't bother to get permission is better than one child being abducted.

Most of the time you won't face any checks, but you will be relieved the one time you do you have proof or permission.

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 19:34

I don't care if you do or don't believe me. I've seen parents turned away at the gate because they don't have proof, and tbh I'm glad, a thousand holidays disrupted because parents didn't bother to get permission is better than one child being abducted.
This x100

Most of the time you won't face any checks, but you will be relieved the one time you do you have proof or permission.
And this too.

BiscoffSundae · 02/07/2022 19:34

Ducksurprise · 02/07/2022 19:32

Driving licence might work I don't know.

I don't care if you do or don't believe me. I've seen parents turned away at the gate because they don't have proof, and tbh I'm glad, a thousand holidays disrupted because parents didn't bother to get permission is better than one child being abducted.

Most of the time you won't face any checks, but you will be relieved the one time you do you have proof or permission.

Show quote history

My ex doesn’t drive either no I don’t believe you need a copy of your exes passport or driving license considering many don’t drive or have passports.

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 19:37

My ex doesn’t drive either no I don’t believe you need a copy of your exes passport or driving license considering many don’t drive or have passports.

You don't need to believe us. But it's true. I don't know how they check the ID of someone who has none, but I know they ask and when you don't have it they're really, really not friendly. It's not a joke, you can't just say "oops" and "Sorry, I didn't realise, I'll do it next time."

khaa2091 · 02/07/2022 19:39

Does the baby have a passport? I think that is going to be more of an issue than the actual travel.
It took me 10 weeks to get a passport for my baby daughter (SM, only parent on birth certificate) with much questioning and paperwork required from me.

ivykaty44 · 02/07/2022 19:40

I've seen parents turned away at the gate because they don't have proof,

what gate?

MintJulia · 02/07/2022 19:43

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 19:21

This won't work as you need a copy of their passport/ID too..as I found out with a legitimate letter but no copy of his ID. Was pretty horrible, wouldn't repeat it in a hurry.

Show quote history

That's not true. I've just added up quickly and we've done 9 foreign trips by plane, ferry and Eurostar, to Italy, France and Spain. Never been asked for anything at all going out. Only asked about different names once, coming home.

DS has also travelled three times with the school, school has never asked for father's permission either.

I'm not wasting £232 on something so unnecessary.

ErinAoife · 02/07/2022 19:45

I have nevercraken my husband's name and I am now separates. I have never have any issue with going abroad alo e with my children, never been ask anything at checkpoint

PinkWisteria · 02/07/2022 19:49

You could chance it. My former DIL has taken their children abroad every year since they split up over 10 years ago and always has a letter of permission from my son. She has never offered it at passport controll and only been asked once. On that occasion they rang my son to confirm he had written the letter of permission. My son has never been asked if but they all have the same surname.