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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

hiring someone to travel / do handovers - how much?

66 replies

havespacesuitwilltravel · 14/04/2022 08:04

Name change.

Had a final hearing and the court ordered for the children handover for the weekend to happen midway between my and the children's father houses. It is around 2 hours travel from me, and the problem is that the handover was set at 6 pm Friday. I only finish work at 6 on Friday (the children finish school at 3.30, and usually go to a childminder). The court left it to me to decide how the children get to the handover point, but suggested that if I need to work, I might look into hiring a nanny or an independent social worker to do that, the requirement is that it has to be either someone well known to the children or a qualified professional.

Where do I even start to look for a person for such an assignment? It is also almost guaranteed (from the last couple of years history) that the father will miss a significant proportion of handovers with little or no prior warning, or will be seriously late (like hour+ late) so has to cover waiting time and possibly returning with the children back or waiting until I come to pick them up. How many hours do I need to offer? What do you think the fair hourly rate has to be for this type of work?

OP posts:

ChiselandBits · 15/04/2022 08:17

I'd be going back to court.. That's not feasible. I'm very lucky that my mum does something similar for me on occasion but it would cost a fortune to pay someone..childminding rates I'm guessing and you're asking them to balls up their Friday nights to hang about a station or services. I'm sorry you're in this situation. The only other option is to look for different work or hours to finish early on a Friday

Undercoverdetective · 15/04/2022 08:33

A nanny agency might be able to find someone. A lot of nannies have Monday to Thursday jobs so could be available regularly on a Friday.

milkysmum · 15/04/2022 08:41

That's absolutely crazy. I work for children's social care and have never heard a parent ordered to arrange a handover at a time they cannot do, or for a judge to suggest paying someone to wait on a train station at night is a viable option. I'd be going back to court.

gogohm · 15/04/2022 08:59

I would suggest stating this is not feasible. They cannot force you to miss work or hire someone

Original poster

havespacesuitwilltravel · 15/04/2022 09:02

Unfortunately this already was a final hearing, so very little chance of review. The handover time is such because otherwise there would be no chance of regular weekend contract at all (the total travel time one way is 4 to 5 hours, so if the handover is at a time that I can make after work it is not feasible in the light of sleep times and overall welfare). If I am honest, I am quite shocked that the father can simply decide to move wherever he wants and I will need to cover 50% of the travel distance and costs by the current family law guidance.

No option to change working hours unfortunately, not in an industry where there's a lot of potential for regular flexible working.

OP posts:

Original poster

havespacesuitwilltravel · 15/04/2022 09:11

@Undercoverdetective

A nanny agency might be able to find someone. A lot of nannies have Monday to Thursday jobs so could be available regularly on a Friday.

I have a quote from one, it is quite substantial. They want travel time both ways covered, plus an hour of contingency, at emergency nanny rates, plus payroll fees. I was first shocked, but then thought more and it kind of makes sense to me, I would not undertake delivering someone else's kids to a middle of nowhere without being sure that I am paid for the time it takes to travel back too. Not completely unaffordable, but quite painful to my budget. We will still be able to eat, of course, but I won't be able to save anything (I know, first world problems). It was discussed in the court as just being a couple of quid (by the father's counsel), but it isn't really.

OP posts:

Undercoverdetective · 15/04/2022 09:34

Perhaps a maternity nurse agency might keep the cost down? Maternity nurses are self employed. If you are London based you may find someone who returns home in the right direction at weekends. That could avoid the return costs. Many maternity nurses have a nanny or healthcare background.

jellybeanteaparty · 15/04/2022 09:40

I wonder if you can find someone to initially start babysitting that would be able to do the role e.g. student who drives that would become well known to the children if they have regularly babysat etc

coodawoodashooda · 15/04/2022 09:45

That is outrageous

Fireflygal · 15/04/2022 09:50

I'm sorry op. Until people go through court they don't appreciate the decisions made.

How old are the children? Just wondering how long this is likely to go on for.

I would recommend you get formal quotes, rather than verbal, just in case this goes back to court. You will need to demonstrate you have tried to get a competent person but costs are prohibitive.

Original poster

havespacesuitwilltravel · 15/04/2022 10:43

@jellybeanteaparty

Yes, a good idea. Thanks!

OP posts:

Heythere13 · 15/04/2022 10:44

I think you need to have a very honest and Frank discussion with work

Heythere13 · 15/04/2022 10:45

If you hire someone, they will have to change their car insurance to “business”

Kitkat151 · 15/04/2022 10:49

@Heythere13

If you hire someone, they will have to change their car insurance to “business”

..... and that takes all of 5 minutes 🙄

Heythere13 · 15/04/2022 10:50

Yes FGS

But much more expensive 🙄

Heythere13 · 15/04/2022 10:50

And if they’re a student as previously suggested

They will already be paying a shit load!

Heythere13 · 15/04/2022 10:53

And with additional petrol costs

Setting aside their time costs - what the OP would be paying to hire someone to change their car insurance to business and to pay for 4 hours worth of petrol cost (plus obviously wear and tear), will be very expensive.

Then of course to get someone DBS approved to actually do this every Friday. Knowing there will likely be a lot of hanging around waiting for him.

There will be very limited appeal

I think the Op needs to have a very Frank and open discussion with her employer

IAMGE · 15/04/2022 10:53

This can’t be every week that’s not sustainable.

I drive two hours - but for 12 noon Saturday and pick up the following Saturday - this is half term access not weekends. I wait 15 minutes and if no text - I text asking why he is not there. At 12.30
I leave and no contact until next holiday.

AHungryCaterpillar · 15/04/2022 10:54

that’s bad and I was assuming you was the one that moved away? It’s often spouted on MN that if your ex is the one that moves away it’s up to them to do ALL the travelling. Looks like that’s not actually the case after all....

Original poster

havespacesuitwilltravel · 15/04/2022 10:56

@Fireflygal

I'm sorry op. Until people go through court they don't appreciate the decisions made.

How old are the children? Just wondering how long this is likely to go on for.

I would recommend you get formal quotes, rather than verbal, just in case this goes back to court. You will need to demonstrate you have tried to get a competent person but costs are prohibitive.

Young primary. Yes, I have an offer in writing from the agency.

I am absolutely sure it will go back to the court, there's 5+ years of history of the father being very unreliable with contact, even when he was just around the corner. He "wins", and then just cannot be bothered. I know it sounds bizarre, but it is true.

I am not even sure if solid evidence of him not turning up (which I am absolutely sure will be the case) will mean anything in 6 months time or so, or he will just come and say - I was trying my best, but life came in the way because... illness, traffic, Friday night drinks you know, please, kind judge, don't punish my babies for taking their loving father away from their lives.

Eh ok, I am just ranting now.

OP posts:

IAMGE · 15/04/2022 10:57

The judge has serious suggested that the children travel on a Friday from 4 pm at end of school until 6 pm and then again 6 pm to 8 pm total 4 hours in the car on a Friday returning on a Sunday? Did you have a solicitor and a letter from your employer saying your working hours?

The judge laughed at my ex when he suggested I drive 4 hours on a Friday evening to drop my son off and then return home - 8 hours for me returning at gone midnight and drive back on Sunday to pick him up! He said it wasn’t fair on the child to do that. How old are the kids?

Original poster

havespacesuitwilltravel · 15/04/2022 10:58

@IAMGE

This can’t be every week that’s not sustainable.

No, it is every other weekend, not every weekend. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

OP posts:

minisoksmakehardwork · 15/04/2022 10:58

Would it be cheaper to ask for a half day parental (unpaid) leave to trial you getting the children to the contact point and, as you say father is unreliable, gather enough evidence that the children's father is regularly late/no show and take it back to court as unworkable?

IAMGE · 15/04/2022 10:58

Ps getting a taxi there and back to drop off point would be minimum of £200 I think - 4 hours driving plus petrol etc

IAMGE · 15/04/2022 10:59

This is not viable every other weekend. It’s just not.

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