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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

hiring someone to travel / do handovers - how much?

66 replies

havespacesuitwilltravel · 14/04/2022 08:04

Name change.

Had a final hearing and the court ordered for the children handover for the weekend to happen midway between my and the children's father houses. It is around 2 hours travel from me, and the problem is that the handover was set at 6 pm Friday. I only finish work at 6 on Friday (the children finish school at 3.30, and usually go to a childminder). The court left it to me to decide how the children get to the handover point, but suggested that if I need to work, I might look into hiring a nanny or an independent social worker to do that, the requirement is that it has to be either someone well known to the children or a qualified professional.

Where do I even start to look for a person for such an assignment? It is also almost guaranteed (from the last couple of years history) that the father will miss a significant proportion of handovers with little or no prior warning, or will be seriously late (like hour+ late) so has to cover waiting time and possibly returning with the children back or waiting until I come to pick them up. How many hours do I need to offer? What do you think the fair hourly rate has to be for this type of work?

OP posts:

wejammin · 15/04/2022 19:16

Was the arrangement in accordance with cafcass recommendations? It just seems a very impractical judgment.
If it went to fact finding there must have been some serious allegation, what a stressful ordeal for you.
If it's not working or is unaffordable in practice you should definitely apply to vary and I know you think I would say this, but if there's any way you can get representation even via a direct access barrister I think it would be worth it.

IAMGE · 15/04/2022 19:42

Direct access barrister would have cost you £3K max

IAMGE · 15/04/2022 19:42

Go back to court is my advice the second time he cancels

IAMGE · 15/04/2022 19:43

Give him twice and then apply to vary the order.

caringcarer · 15/04/2022 20:44

A Nanny, Au Pair, Foster Carer, Family Worker or Social Worker.

Soopermum1 · 15/04/2022 20:57

@havespacesuitwilltravel I'm going to try to DM you. I'm in London and terrified my ex is going to try to push through a similar set up. He tried it before, then lost contact with DD for 4 years because I refused this nonsense. It wasn't in the court in Brentford was it?

Original poster

havespacesuitwilltravel · 16/04/2022 10:06

@wejammin

Was the arrangement in accordance with cafcass recommendations? It just seems a very impractical judgment. If it went to fact finding there must have been some serious allegation, what a stressful ordeal for you. If it's not working or is unaffordable in practice you should definitely apply to vary and I know you think I would say this, but if there's any way you can get representation even via a direct access barrister I think it would be worth it.

Cafcass did not make any practical recommendations, they just checked that I do not oppose contact in principle, the contact should be happening as the children will benefit from having both parents in their lives, and that living/staying conditions are suitable. The rest was to deal with allegations raised.

From reading solo parenting boards, I understand these are quite standard allegations. Mental illness, substance abuse. Do not have mental illness, never tried substances in my life. All proven through tests and medicolegal assessment. I am not even sure why this proceeded to this late stage, as the father did not even want residence transfer as a result of raising allegations.

I agree with the representation, I found out it difficult to stand in the court against a professional barrister, and I am usually a confident presenter.

OP posts:

Straycats · 16/04/2022 10:08

Why are you bearing the costs solely? As his lawyer advocated it, why doesn't he pay half? He may reconsider, especially if said person is left twiddling their thumbs or he doesn't notify them when he can't be bothered to come.
Put the ball in his court, it should be more of a problem for him, especially as this is what he wanted.

Original poster

havespacesuitwilltravel · 16/04/2022 10:42

@Straycats

Why are you bearing the costs solely? As his lawyer advocated it, why doesn't he pay half? He may reconsider, especially if said person is left twiddling their thumbs or he doesn't notify them when he can't be bothered to come. Put the ball in his court, it should be more of a problem for him, especially as this is what he wanted.

The paid option was not ordered by the court, the only thing that it says is that the children should be at 6pm at XXX tube station every second Friday. It does not strictly prescribe how they get there.

OP posts:

MikeandDave · 16/04/2022 11:01

Sorry OP that sounds awful. If you think there's no chance of changing things via a court then I would talk to your work about this first and see if you can get some arrangements in place for flexible working around this.

Straycats · 16/04/2022 11:11

I really feel for you, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do hope that it resolves itself for you and children. X

FridayBluezzzz · 16/04/2022 12:58

I think the idea of using a/l for a few drop offs and then using it as evidence of non attendance is a good one.
I would also take your quotes for transporting the children to court if they will look at them. You haven’t moved, I can’t see why this cost is pushed on to you.

Snog · 16/04/2022 15:40

I don't understand why you need to factor in waiting time if the father is not there at the required time?
If he needs to pick them up at 6pm I would not be waiting more than a maximum of ten minutes if he is late.

Maybe advertise at your local college that does a childcare course for a student to do this job?

As there is no driving involved a 16-18 year old could presumably accompany the children and this might be cheaper.

ChiselandBits · 17/04/2022 06:39

Travelling with young kids on a Friday night into Central London to meet someone who may well not be there and then deal with distraught, knackered kids is not a job for a 16 yo.

RandomMess · 17/04/2022 08:18

As he is so unreliable and often cancels last minute I would be tempted to turn up late after work or cancel last minute and say you can make it in the morning what time works for him.

Sure he can spend more money taking you back to court and you can say I couldn't afford to pay £x for someone suitable to take them. It's not like you are preventing contact just not making 6pm. You will get a tap on the knuckles.

You will also then have a record of how many times he cancels. You could offer him an extra night and he could take them to school which he will no doubt decline anyway.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 17/04/2022 08:26

I think you should go into this with the perspective that you will need to organise it for no more than six months, and that you will keep detailed records to show how he performs and if he is always late or doesn’t turn till up you will be able to argue that the arrangement is unworkable and unfair on the children. So yes, you will need to pay someone for five hours a time to take your children there. In a way it’s better that it’s on the tube not driving as you will be more likely to be able to find an au pair or student to do it who will be glad of the money and not charge you full agency prices and fees. But I suspect it is going to cost you upwards of £60 a time - but probably only ten or fifteen times.

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