hiring someone to travel / do handovers - how much?

[havespacesuitwilltravel]

Name change.

Had a final hearing and the court ordered for the children handover for the weekend to happen midway between my and the children's father houses. It is around 2 hours travel from me, and the problem is that the handover was set at 6 pm Friday. I only finish work at 6 on Friday (the children finish school at 3.30, and usually go to a childminder). The court left it to me to decide how the children get to the handover point, but suggested that if I need to work, I might look into hiring a nanny or an independent social worker to do that, the requirement is that it has to be either someone well known to the children or a qualified professional.

Where do I even start to look for a person for such an assignment? It is also almost guaranteed (from the last couple of years history) that the father will miss a significant proportion of handovers with little or no prior warning, or will be seriously late (like hour+ late) so has to cover waiting time and possibly returning with the children back or waiting until I come to pick them up. How many hours do I need to offer? What do you think the fair hourly rate has to be for this type of work?

@Heythere13

If you hire someone, they will have to change their car insurance to “business”

It's not driving due to logistics, it probably will have to be on the public transport.

Business insurance actually lowered my car insurance premium

Anyway do you have a friend who wants some cash work? Cost of living is going up you never know

But yes get several quotes and take it back to court saying it will put you in financial difficulty

Did you move?

Hmm perhaps when it ends up in court you offer its split by him picking up and you collecting.

How do they not see through this time waster controlling knobs

If the poster moved without consent - he/she could be ordered back or lose custody. I moved without consent but there was a long history of abuse and I had asked him 4 times to move and told him I was applying for jobs and he just ignored me. And didn’t respond. So I resigned and sold the house and I applied to court. Judge was not happy with him at all as he hadn’t replied. He got each half term which I offered and a few days at Easter, Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer all with a half way drop off. But he hasn’t turned up to some. We meet in a shop in the service midway when he doesn’t turn up I text him and ring him and get a member of the store to write on headed paper ms x was here at 12 noon on y date to meet mr z she waited 30 minutes and then left - child distressed (if he is) etc and then I photograph it.

But the judge was seriously pissed with my ex husband not engaging with me for months before I left.

@minisoksmakehardwork

Would it be cheaper to ask for a half day parental (unpaid) leave to trial you getting the children to the contact point and, as you say father is unreliable, gather enough evidence that the children's father is regularly late/no show and take it back to court as unworkable?

The problem is that I am not in a job where I can do that regularly (outside of genuine emergencies, of course). Not because the employer is bad (they are actually excellent), but because of the nature of the job itself, it just does not fit with flexible hours well.

Taking a half day unpaid won't be cheaper anyway, I am on a reasonable professional salary. I probably just need to bite the bullet and accept that it costs as much as it costs, and that's it.

Right now if you don’t sort this - you go to court and you will lose custody. This is a recent order and you need to comply.

@IAMGE

Did you move?

No, I live at the same boring old place since the children's birth. The father moved.

@RandomMess

Hmm perhaps when it ends up in court you offer its split by him picking up and you collecting.

How do they not see through this time waster controlling knobs

It's already in court this is the final hearing

@IAMGE

If the poster moved without consent - he/she could be ordered back or lose custody. I moved without consent but there was a long history of abuse and I had asked him 4 times to move and told him I was applying for jobs and he just ignored me. And didn’t respond. So I resigned and sold the house and I applied to court. Judge was not happy with him at all as he hadn’t replied. He got each half term which I offered and a few days at Easter, Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer all with a half way drop off. But he hasn’t turned up to some. We meet in a shop in the service midway when he doesn’t turn up I text him and ring him and get a member of the store to write on headed paper ms x was here at 12 noon on y date to meet mr z she waited 30 minutes and then left - child distressed (if he is) etc and then I photograph it.

But the judge was seriously pissed with my ex husband not engaging with me for months before I left.

Did the court take into account the father not turning up to handover? Or it hasn't been back to court since? Sounds like a nightmare for you... I am so sorry.

I would go back to your employer and argue the case for you working til 3 EO Friday so that you can be the parent to facilitate this. You could catch up on the time missed by WFH at the weekend as you won’t have your children with you. They are being unreasonable if they say no.

@Heythere13

Yes FGS

But much more expensive 🙄

Costs me a whole £5 extra to be covered for business.

It would probably be cheaper for you and much less hassle, to request that you go down to 4 or 4.5 days at work.

@IAMGE

Right now if you don’t sort this - you go to court and you will lose custody. This is a recent order and you need to comply.

Yes, I know. And to be honest, if I genuinely thought that he would turn up regularly and have a good weekend with the children, I'd shut up now and just do whatever needed, even grumbling about the cost.

I am just bracing for all these text messages, received 15 mins before the handover time - "I have a medical emergency of a runny nose, so could not come today - kiss the children from me and let's reschedule for the next weekend". Or "Oh I am so sorry, forgot to tell you I went on holiday so won't be collecting them today, I'll video call in 10 mins instead".

I’m shocked at a judge making such a stupid decision which clearly isn’t in the best interest of the children. What child wants to spend every other Friday and Sunday night travelling for 5 hours? I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in the position OP, it shouldn’t have happened.

what a contradiction!

Can you not try a last ditch attempt with your employer for a flexible working arrangement? Eg, compressed hours the rest of the week to allow you to finish earlier on a Friday. You have all the court paperwork to prove you’re not just after a nice early finish on a Friday. Have you actually submitted a flexible working request and exhausted that process already or not attempted? If you haven’t tried it, just remember the journey of a 1000 miles in changing your industry/workplace culture starts with just one woman standing up for herself and the needs of her family.

The court decision and your ex are totally fucking unreasonable and I absolutely despair at all of that, but just trying to suggest something that isn’t going to suck all of the joy and security from your financial situation. In a way, it would seem to be a positive thing if your ex flakes out on it all because you can take him back to court and evidence to them all of the things you’ve put into place to accommodate him that he still hasn’t been able to comply with. And also, if you go back to court, maybe a change of solicitor to a shit hot, cut throat, fucking viper who is going to laugh in the face of your ex and his representations bullshit.

Can you not try a last ditch attempt with your employer for a flexible working arrangement? Eg, compressed hours the rest of the week to allow you to finish earlier on a Friday. You have all the court paperwork to prove you’re not just after a nice early finish on a Friday. Have you actually submitted a flexible working request and exhausted that process already or not attempted? If you haven’t tried it, just remember the journey of a 1000 miles in changing your industry/workplace culture starts with just one woman standing up for herself and the needs of her family.
No, not attempted yet. Genuinely, it is not a type of job where this is possible. Not because of the culture, but rather because of the nature of the job, I will just look like a complete idiot submitting a request - imagine that I am a teacher (I am not) submitting a flexible working request for the school hours, promising that I will catch up in some other time.

I could switch to another position in the same sector with better flexibility, but it is likely to come with around 20%-25% paycut.

Sorry you are in this shitty situation. And yes, there are lots of jobs where you won’t have flexibility if you are rota-Ed in.

Do you know any retired teachers?

This would actually make a really good job for a student on a child care course or teacher training or social work.

I'm not sure how much the curt considers as 'qualified' but I've taught Childcare and Health and social care in FE settings, there are always a few mature students and they all need a work placement, paid or otherwise.

I'm not suggesting someone doing a PGCE but maybe someone on a BEd.

BUT and this is a big but you would need the person to be insured, obviously with an agency that would all be covered.

This is not a 'good job' for anyone.. Travelling just for travelling, in charge of tired / fractious kids and with a good chance they'll have to be brought back again, on a Friday night. This is nonsense. OP I would do everything possible to get back in front of a judge ASAP. Also, please can pp sop telling the OP to move her working hours. She has explained repeatedly she can't. If a business operates during certain hours and its customer / client facing then its not an option to make up time elsewhere.

Try the BASW directory of ISWs.

Just out of interest, was the final hearing contested or agreed by consent and were you and your ex represented?

I'm a family solicitor (dealing in children cases only) and I think it's bonkers!

Can you book holiday for 2.5 hours for a few weeks...turn up, give him 10 mins then leave. you would have evidence when you go back to court. or talk frankly with your employer, get the children a taxi from school to work, drive over, again give him ten mins then go.
Or do they have after school club or childminder, yes you may be late every week but a text explaining this weeks emergency should please the court...whats good for the goose..

Stupid decision by the judge.

Alternatively can you loose your car? can't drive him then!

@wejammin

Try the BASW directory of ISWs.

Just out of interest, was the final hearing contested or agreed by consent and were you and your ex represented?

I'm a family solicitor (dealing in children cases only) and I think it's bonkers!

Thanks! I will check the directory.

Contested, the father was the applicant. He was represented (solicitor and counsel), I was quoted upwards of £15K for the matter plus counsel fees and honestly (ashamed to admit, really), that was just unaffordable, so represented myself. There have been a couple of hearings, the father also claimed all sorts of nonsense about me (absolutely everything proven to be not true on fact finding - but weirdly there's absolutely no punishment for straight lies to the court), Section 7 report, etc. The final order was physically drafted by the father's counsel, but he was merely writing down what the judge told.

I think the decisive issue was that the father said that if not this schedule, then the contact would not be happening at all, as he cannot manage anything else.

@tomatorich112

Alternatively can you loose your car? can't drive him then!

I don't even have a car (neither does the father), it is a journey that will have to be on the public transport. It is even impractical to drive between the two places, the handover is in central London.