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Original poster

Am I the only one who can't contemplate a one night stand?

77 replies

harman · 26/12/2007 15:54

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
lou33 · 27/12/2007 00:02

oh well if they were any good someone would have snapped them up and kept hold wouldnt they?

cant recall one single on night stand i have had , that has made me want to go back for round 2

hit and run only

Tinkerbeltinsel · 27/12/2007 11:11

harman only time will tell what a man is like you just have to take a chance and take it as it comes, if you did have a one night stand it wouldnt mean you wouldnt hear from them again I have friends who have had long term boyfriends from what they though would only be one night stand, you could wait 3 months to sleep with a guy and then you might not hear from him again, time means nothig is someone truly likes you

lou33 · 27/12/2007 11:29

yeh thats also true

i have had a few relationships that came out of a one night stand

tho some of them should have remained a one night stand

charliecat · 27/12/2007 12:03

Can I just say that, Harman, after having 4 kids doesnt have an ounce of fat on her, can lay fiddling with her belly button on the sofa without a stretchmark in sight (because she doesnt farking have any) and is really bloody lovely...the milkman would agree with me, and would a few other blokes but they dont have that omph she wants..and she wont settle for less. (Hail Harman)
I think I may have inspired this trail of thought by saying "You really could do with a good shag" Feck it if it doesnt go anywhere..but my loose morals werent shared
We also discussed how the hell you know I they are gonna stick around...well you dont do you?

Back to Ann Summers then...

citylover · 27/12/2007 12:05

I don't think I could do one night stands now although did plenty during a time when I was single in my late 20s.

At one level I enjoyed some of them but others left me feeling like shit. Some were mingin in the cold light of day. But others very nice and kept in touch with a few briefly.

I'm with expat on bob was very resistant to bob but now I have one am hooked and it acts as a substitute for the process we are all going through,

Since I split in 06 it has been a gradual process to go through first I had to try to like my body again (as ex H did not like my body at all which had badly affected my self esteem) and get my head in a place where I thought I could have sex again.

Then a brief unexpected flirtation with an Italian guy which moved me forward a bit further.

Then a four month fling with an ex boyfriend which really boosted my self esteem sexually, taught me things I didn't know about myself, sexual relationships and reciprocity (which I didn't get in my marriage) although has broken my heart emotionally .

But it made me realise that possibly I am an attractive person (there was still a very strong attraction there) and a nice guy will not have issues with a bit of extra flesh/womanly body. I tried to act confident, did not appear needy (in that I did not ask for reassurance about my body) and I got it. So from that respect I have moved on from the person in Aug 06 who was convinced I would never ever shag anyone again. I don't really recognise myself then tbh.

In the run up to Christmas I felt very miserable and have been in tears most days. However yesterday had some time on my own and forced myself to make a list of things I could look forward to in 2088 - however small.

It has helped slightly. But I do agree it is not easy to meet men and I am not ready to meet anyone new yet and can't get my head around the online stuff.

Til then I will just have to rely on bob. [FGRIN]

Keep going Harman you will know when something is right for you.

madamez · 27/12/2007 12:35

Harman: it's entirely up to you whether or not you feel comfortable having one night stands. YOu are in no way obliged to give a bloke even a snog if you don't fancy the idea, just because he's bought you a drink/meal/cinema ticket (and if he thinks different, then he should stick to commmercial sex transactions with high end escorts). IN general: some folk like casual sex and some don't, and that's all fair enough, though I do object vigorously to the idea that those who prefer sex only in longterm relationships are in some way morally superior to those who aren't fussed. It's not about how many people you have sex with, it's are you polite and considerate towards them? People who are good at one night stands don't hint that there is more on offer than there actually is, yet don't make their partners feel as disposable as a used condom either: it's a knack and a worthwhile one.
More specific advice to those who want a relationship rather than a one-night-stand, try hard to cultivate a life that doesn't need a couple relationship in it (but would quite like one) because if you come across as desperate for Mr Right you will put off the ordinary nice-ish blokes who might be Mr Possibles, and if you show yourself as too vulnerable, you will attract predators (those who want to shag you so they can boast they have, those who really don't give a toss about anyone - and the ones who are actually nasty and dangerous).

Pinkchampagne · 27/12/2007 16:18

One night stands aren't for me either, harmen. Infact I was shocked that my present boyfriend invited me to his bed on date 3!! I declined on the offer & made him wait until date 5!
I don't like to be seen as a piece of meat - just something to shag. I need to know the man wants me for me, not just my body, and I like to get to know someone quite well before getting naked with them!
A lot of men actually respect that too.

You are an attractive woman, harmen. I am sure you will meet someone lovely, and it could well be when you're least expecting to!

lou33 · 27/12/2007 16:46

pc, i chuckled when you said date 5

Pinkchampagne · 27/12/2007 16:57

Lol! My morals slipped a bit then!

So, what happened with your last boyfriend? I am obviously very behind here. Was he an arse again?

lou33 · 27/12/2007 17:09

long story, i gave him his p45, but funnily enough guess who is sniffing about as we speak?

lol

Pinkchampagne · 27/12/2007 17:16

Lol! Will have to sign into MSN when I get a chance, and have a proper catch up!

lou33 · 27/12/2007 17:18

am out tonight, so tomo maybe?

Pinkchampagne · 27/12/2007 17:43

I am around tomorrow evening, so will catch up with you then.
Are you out somewhere nice tonight?

SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl · 27/12/2007 17:43

yeah where are we going lou

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 27/12/2007 17:46

i've had one night stands but always with people i knew well. i just wouldn't feel safe sleeping with someone i'd never met before and i don't know how people can do it.

SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl · 27/12/2007 17:50

i recently had 3 or 4 one night stands wioth the same guy...i don't regret it particularly tho um i cud have been slightly more sensible in retrospect

VictorianSqualor · 27/12/2007 17:51

When I was single and young I had one night stands, but when I split with ex-dp I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know why tbh. Maybe it's the thoguht of taking a stranger back to my childrens house or not being at home at night, I don't know. Although the one night stands I did have when younger were always someone I 'knew'.
Personally I see nothing wrong with one night stands if you are both single and consenting and not stupid enough to not use contraception, I just grew out of it I suppose.

lou33 · 27/12/2007 17:58

just guildford

i've been putting it off for a few weeks

OverMyDeadBody · 27/12/2007 18:02

I've opnyl eve had one one night stand, and that was with someone I knew.

Other than that, there have been times in my life when I really haven't wanted to have a boyfriend, but wanted the intimacy and sex life, so instead had a'sleeping buddy'. Someone I liked but who's only purpose was to pleasure me in bed and vice verca, then leave. They where always witohut any emotional commitment on wither one's part, but never went on too long so that no emotional attachment was formed. I found this worked really well and never left me feeling 'used' or sleezy or anything, as it was mutually beneficial and not hurting anyone.

Mind you, if I don't meet anyone sometime soon I may get desperate althoug Bob is very faithful!

madamez · 27/12/2007 20:35

VS: It's certainly trickier on a practical level when you have DC to worry about ( I certainly wouldn't bring anyone I didn't know well back to the house where my DS lives and sleeps). However I do have nights out which involve not coming home till the next day and can therefore on occasion get a bit of hot monkey sex should the opportunity, er, arise. Not that I can be bothered that often these days, but now and again it still puts a smile on my face.

Janos · 27/12/2007 20:55

Blimey has this thread moved on!

I tptally agree that there is nothing "sad" about you. Bloody hell, 4 dcs on your own, you deserve a medal IMO.

And I second the thing about losers. My gawd. Better on your own than some of then men I've, um, met.

Original poster
harman · 27/12/2007 20:56

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Janos · 27/12/2007 20:56

Loving the thought of hot monkey sex madamez

Janos · 27/12/2007 20:57

Apols for silly typing, bit sozzled.

DavidTennantsMistress · 27/12/2007 20:59

I don't really do 1 night stands - and the current chappy i'm talking to seems to be ok with that. so there is some blokes who don't want just sex.

it's up to you thou really. but don't do anything you're not happy with