Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Ex wants childrens birth certificates

86 replies

confusedmummy123 · 11/01/2022 11:16

Hi. Hope I'm posting in the right place. Been divorced from my ex for years but he still causes grief. Last week he wouldn't let me have my 6 and 9 year old back. I'm going to get solicitor advice on what to do of that happens again.
Last night he informed me that he had quit his job that day and was going to claim universal credit and that he wants the childrens birth certificates to make a copy for his claim.
This worries me as I feel he is going to make out that he is the main carer for the children to try and falsley claim. Also I don't feel comfortable giving the birth certificates to him. He is on their birth certificate but everyone is telling me that he can just apply to get his own copies. I'm worried about telling him I'm not prepared to hand them over and he will have to get his own copies as he will kick off.
Any advice would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
Teensbeingteens · 11/01/2022 14:49

Just to clear a few things up - you do need BC for a UC claim. During Covid they weren't needed initially, but they are now catching up with new claims and requesting these for all children on the claim.

He clearly wants to claim for the children as well as him. If he's quit his job he won't be wanting passports.

If you claim UC make sure you let them know if your suspicions - as well as for CB. Also refuse to handover the originals, he can get his own.

If you haven't already, try and get a CAO which outlines contact times so he can't claim he has them more than he does.

He sounds like a right peach.....

Zezet · 11/01/2022 15:04

If the original birth certificates are from when they were together, why would they be "her" birth certificates and he can get his "own"?

Even if she did the admin during the relationship, that's a division of labour that every couple decides for themselves, that doesn't make it "her" copy after the fact....

NothingIsWrong · 11/01/2022 15:06

@Zezet

If the original birth certificates are from when they were together, why would they be "her" birth certificates and he can get his "own"?

Even if she did the admin during the relationship, that's a division of labour that every couple decides for themselves, that doesn't make it "her" copy after the fact....

They are easy to get copies of, he doesn't need the original ones, a certified copy will do and why should she hand them over?
NothingIsWrong · 11/01/2022 15:07

And in reality, the original ones should stay with the children. Who live with her.

Given his past record, would you be relying on him to return them?

gamerchick · 11/01/2022 15:07

@Whatayear81

He is perfectly entitled to pay to get certified copies. Tell him to do that You owe the originals
They're all certified copies. The original is in the book at the registrar office.

He can buy his own, so what if he's kicked off, he's nicked your kids. You need to act if you want them back.

Original poster
confusedmummy123 · 11/01/2022 15:08

Doesn't have links abroad. I definitely think it's too attempt to claim benefits

OP posts:
Ariela · 11/01/2022 15:24

If you've dealt with all the cancelled weekends etc by text, go back to the beginning and record every date he has missed and copy / print out every message saying 'sorry I can't have them today' or whatever, so you can document.

L0bstersLass · 11/01/2022 15:39

@LaBellina

My first thought was get your DC passports. Do NOT give him the birth certificates. He can apply for his own copies. You’re his ex, you don’t owe him this. You don’t even owe him an explanation on why you won’t give them. He’s not entitled to getting them from you.
This. Whether he's got links abroad or not, I would urge you to prioritise getting passports for your children so that he cannot apply for them.

Can you imagine the difficulties you'll have if he obtains and holds your childrens' passports?

Thirtytimesround · 11/01/2022 15:59

My first thought was that he’s going to apply for passports for the children.

Does he have any family overseas / potential job opportunities overseas? As he has form for refusing to return the children

No way in hell would I give him the certificates, but you can’t stop him applying for his own copies (don’t tell him that), and I’d also be speaking to a solicitor to see if there is anything additional I could put in place (ie a note on emigration syatem) to ensure that they are never taken overseas without my consent.

Original poster
confusedmummy123 · 11/01/2022 18:52

Just had ex on phone after saying he can't have birth certificates saying I'm now stopping him from seeing the children. As he needs them to apply for universal credit. Then he backtracked saying he hasn't quit buthisgours have reduced

OP posts:
Ihatestripysocks · 11/01/2022 18:56

It’s sensible for each parent have own copy for whatever reason if split up. He might as well sort on for time being. Only one of you can claim CB he does realise they check right? Is he asking you lie and say they spend most time with him? Why can’t he claim as single person if work have reduced his hours? Why does he need commit be for fraud?

mathanxiety · 11/01/2022 19:06

Is the custody and visitation arrangement court ordered or a casual arrangement between the two of you?

If not court ordered, you should ask the solicitor how to go a out getting it ordered by family court, what the advantages of that are.

You should ask the solicitor about maintenance. Why is he not paying any?

Have you ever done the Women's Aid Freedom Programme?
You seem to be very afraid of this man. Please understand that if he has a tendency to engage in displays of rage or displays of disrespect for agreements, there is nothing you can do to stop any of that. If he goes too far, makes threats, harasses you, you can call the police.

If he wants birth certs he can get his own copies and pay any associated fees. You don't have to hand them over. You don't need an excuse not to hand them over. You don't have to tell him how he can get his own copies either. You are not his secretary.

I would seriously advise you to tell him you will only respond to communication from him by email in future. No more phone calls where he can deny everything he says.

You need to start pushing back and stop letting him use your children as pawns in his ongoing fight with you or as a way to increase his income.

mathanxiety · 11/01/2022 19:09

When I say ' there is nothing you can do to stop any if that' what I mean is - so stop playing nice because it isn't going to have the effect of making him treat you with respect. In fact, the more conciliatory and afraid you come across, the more he is going to behave badly.

Wfhquery · 11/01/2022 19:10

@Ihatestripysocks

He have shock if he think he can claim by giving up his job because he doesn’t feel like it. With a 6&9 y old he will have to be at job centre regular basis and fulfilling all job seeking rules they apply. He may get away working part time if he does have have children but he seems think it’s a easier life style choice.
He’s prob just looked on what he can get based on his outgoings now and not actually factored in that if he had the kids full time he’d actually have to pay all their costs
TheChip · 11/01/2022 19:20

I recently only learned that my ex took our ds birth certificate. He must have took it after he took our son from me when we split, years ago. I got ds back, but not birth certificate. I didnt even know it was gone!
His plans weren't just for benefits though, his plans were to keep him from me and enrol him into nursery and school beside him.

I would definitely look into court ordered contact. It was horrible knowing that there was very little I could do to get my son back.

UserBot989 · 11/01/2022 19:21

Tell him to apply to the registry office. I had to get copies recently. 15 pounds each I believe. Or was it 25.

Anyway, not hard for him to get hold of.

TheWeeDonkey · 11/01/2022 19:24

As you are no longer is wife yu do not have to do the "wifework" for him. If he wants birth certificates he can go through the normal procedures like any other person.

I do agree with others though he sounds shifty af

RandomMess · 11/01/2022 19:51

Phone up the child benefit office and notify them it appears he is going to try and put in a claim for them but you are still primary parent and have them at least 6 nights per week.

Do you claim UC at all?

Original poster
confusedmummy123 · 12/01/2022 14:32

I claim tax credits. He turned up last night and I had to get the police out . Upset me and the children. He was also threatening suicide

OP posts:
Boogaloony · 12/01/2022 14:34

Bloody hell, I'm sorry to hear that op. Is this typical/normal behaviour for him?

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 12/01/2022 14:36

Well now you have police on tori side he may stay away. Remember you are not responsible for his behaviour.. And don't bow down to his threats in any way. It is up to you to keep your dc safe. He needs professional help. And maybe supervised contact only.

RandomMess · 12/01/2022 16:20

Please get suicide threats on record certainly doesn't seem well enough to suddenly become primary parent!

Original poster
confusedmummy123 · 12/01/2022 17:16

It was all logged last night and I have incident number. There have been incidents like this in the past. The children were supposed to go today. I didn't feel happy for them to go. He text at 4.15 saying "take it I'm not seeing the kids" . A close family member seemed to think I should have taken them as normal.

OP posts:
TheChip · 12/01/2022 17:20

You made the right call. Especially if the kids witnessed it lastnight.

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 12/01/2022 18:32

You could be seen as neglectful to send them imo. Let a judge deem him capable
.

Swipe left for the next trending thread