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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

so ex dh iscoming to see dd, 2morro. he want to take her for lunch, she doesn't want to go, so i wont make her. Bit sad that this is it, their xmas contact.

22 replies

PirateInaPeartree · 22/12/2007 19:06

It just cuold have been so much easier.

As u may or may not know, she has refused to go to his for 2 months now. hehas popped over for half and hour inthat whole time.

He wanted her to go for the weekend this weekend, but she didn't want to, so he said he'd come sunday.

He rang thurs, and said 'so is she coming 2morro/'

huh.

I said very nicley, for the umpteemth time, but not spoken it for months. Maybe if you come and spend a bit more time with her, you will regain a bit of trust.

result--big stroppy sigh that translated as 'do not feckin tell me what to do for the best'

oh well, i tried. just hard, when i get that frim response, of no i am not going to do anything you ever suggest to make dd's life more bearable.

I have avoided saying anything to help the sitch for months, as I was fed up, but onthe spur just asked, again.

childish childish fuckin twat.

my dd has been in bits this week, saying how her lif is ruined etc...

i am brickin it for 2morro. I need to get it together.

OP posts:

brusselbeansprouts · 22/12/2007 19:08

Aw, sounds grim. How old is your dd?

Original poster

PirateInaPeartree · 22/12/2007 19:09

OP posts:

brusselbeansprouts · 22/12/2007 19:10

Sorry, I don't know the background. Why is she so mistrustful?

BeeWiseMen · 22/12/2007 19:12

it's not hard to understand is it? A 5 yo is nervous about going off with a man she now barely knows and the way to solve the problem is for your ex-dh to regularly spend time with your dd on her turf with you around until she feels certain enough of him to see him alone again. I get that - why doesn't he?

Alambil · 22/12/2007 19:13

oh poor little thing.

Is he really that stupid that he can't see it or does he not care how she feels?

Is there a court thing in place saying she HAS to see him or are you able to tell him to get knotted?

BeeWiseMen · 22/12/2007 19:13

oh bad timing brussel - cross posts sound like I'm getting at you. I;m not honest

MamaG · 22/12/2007 19:13

Pirate, is htere any chance htat you could go too? At least for the first few times until contact becomes easier for your DD? IF not, then you have to work on your DD at home - at 5, you shold be able to sway her

sorry to hear that he's such a cunt

Original poster

PirateInaPeartree · 22/12/2007 19:53

mamag, no way, he wont even look at me, speak to me,

his gf is always waitng inthe car, dd just want to be alone with him, she doenst like the gf.

He does what his gf says. He thinks he cares about dd, but he doesnt, not really.

It used to be okay, but the further on we have got, the more dd mistrusts, the less he see's her, and we can't get it back on track without him being sensible.

I do belive that he now thinks that becuase i have been asking the same all along, in these nearly 3 yrs, that its almost like I am getting my own way iyswim. that I was right all along.

I am no way 'i told you so' about anyhting, i am reasonable, and kind. I have tried my very best.

I could tell him to get stuffed, but i beilve thats what he wants, so he can then genuinely blame it all on me.

he left me, btw, and reading all the posts on here from single parents, when THEY leave the home, they seem to get very anal, um, mental, and ridiculous.

OP posts:

RIELOVESBACARDI · 22/12/2007 19:57

its hard at that age just carry on how you doing she will understand in time and now you loved her

BeeWiseMen · 22/12/2007 20:05

you're putting your dd's feelings first. He;s putting his gf's feelings first.

I applaud you I really do because I think very few people are able to be as kind and reasonable and selfless as you are being in these circumstances. I'm not at all sure I could be.

You may find in the future that he blames his gf rather than you as it is she who is trying to manipulate and control his relationship with his daughter.

You're doing everything you can and you should be proud of yourself. Your daughter is lucky to have you. Let's hope she grows up to be just like her mum eh?

Have you got a nice christmas day planned anyway?

macdoodle · 22/12/2007 20:21

Oh pirate he sounds like such a twat - your poor little girl and poor you - he is losing out but I know how sad you must feel for your DD - I really have no answers he seems incapable of putting her and their relationship first...and TBH his GF sounds like an even bigger twat than him...as a woman you think she might say have a few hours with your DD ....have you tried writing her a letter though TBh doesn't sound like you are going to win...so for you and your little girl...at least she has you lucky her

Original poster

PirateInaPeartree · 22/12/2007 22:51

well we had a bedtime crying session.

dd is nervous, dd doesnot want daddy to turn up eith his gf's little girl in tow as per. Um, dd has decided if he does, and indeed if he comes alone even, that she is going to say hello, then go to her room and sob (god, her words not mine),
sorry but I almost have to laugh at the ridiculousness of this.

I said what do I do then, 'tell daddy, he has hurt my feelings, and give him he xmas card, then i will come down after he has gone'

oh and I have to make sure he leaves her present, here's hoping he brings one eh!! Well I am assuming he is, and have actually mentioned this to dd last week, as an almost bribe to get her to see him.

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Original poster

PirateInaPeartree · 22/12/2007 22:54

RLB, bewise, mac,

thank you , it means alot to hear you say that about all this. thankyou, cos I doubt myslef al the time, and feel very bullied, and often wonder what I have done to deserve this crap.

Of course dd doesnt deserve any of it either, goes without saying really.

OP posts:

wirral · 22/12/2007 23:39

Now I empathise totally. It isn't supposed to be like this is it?

My ex is a great Dad. The problem is that I am a more interesting parent. She would much rather be with me than him. Therefore I end up with a sulky, miserable child because apparently it is better for her to see her Dad than stay with her Mum and family.

I totally sympathise but apparently children will be far happier maintaining contact with their Dad even if they are totally unhappy going there. Apparently!

PurpleOne · 23/12/2007 00:29

If hisgf is waiting, tell him to get tossed.

xmas is al about us? our preps, our money?

Boxing day or nothing.. x

Original poster

PirateInaPeartree · 23/12/2007 12:21

am waiting now, just want it over with, which shuold happen pretty swift if dd goes to her room.

OP posts:

Original poster

PirateInaPeartree · 23/12/2007 15:45

it went ok, dd stayed downstairs, whic I am thankful for.

Only trub was ex did turn up with hid gf's dd 9, which when i saw dd's face when they came to the door I could have throttled him for.

They came in tho, and spent an hour here. GF wasn't with them, or inthe car, cos I went to the shop (passed car) so dd could have a littel time alone with him.

well with him and his gf's dd.

DD was very brave, and he had brought her some gifts.

I went out for a fag out in garden, and ex then started asking me what has he done, why doens't she want to go to his.

I said the usual things. He listened but didn't hear iyswim. The only thing he said was, 'I have to be fair to my new family and to dd, ie treat them equally' lol

he was refering to me saying, when its your wekend why dont you spend some quaility time yada yada.

So, it seems, that even on his weekends, he stil feels he has to be at home only, there fore it ISNT fair is it, cos he feckin lives there anyway.

Then i said look dd doens't seem to trust or get on with your gf, to which he replied.

and this is the MOST teenegae answer yet.

'what doyo wnat me to do, split up with gf, for dd'

hey ho.

he's gone. I was saddened by it all but thank god its over with.

OP posts:

brusselbeansprouts · 23/12/2007 16:01

I really think he could just spend some time with his dd. Why would she want to share him with someone else, who he arrives and leaves with, just to really emphasise the point?

At least it is out of the way now and dd will be able to spend the rest of xmas with her lovely mum.

macdoodle · 23/12/2007 17:48

Gosh how thoughtless why did he bring his GF DD what was she thinking - is she a spy??
Sounds like your DD is more grown up than he is ...oh well concentrate on you now

Original poster

PirateInaPeartree · 24/12/2007 00:38

oh and when i left them, to have some time together, ex dh apparently told dd, that

' yesterday I missed you so much it made me cry'

tbh I don't think dd gives a shit tho.

OP posts:

amytheearwaxbanisher · 24/12/2007 00:50

only yesterday?!why didnt he come see her for a while then or any other day your poor dd and poor you!

madamez · 24/12/2007 01:00

This is a miserable situation, my sympathies to you and your DD. You're doing really really well and doing SO the right thing in persevering with keeping up contact between your XP and your DD. In time it will get easier and better, and it really is better for your DD to see her father than not to see him. Best of luck.

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