Ex has asked DD to call his partner mum

[MaisieMoo7]

My DD (7) has been asked by my ex to call his partner “mum”. They’ve been together 4 years and from very early on in the r/s my DD was asked to call her stepmum but as they are getting married soon (it’s his third marriage - he’s early 40s!) he wants her to call her mum. My DD told me this tonight and says she’s confused because it’s being forced upon her. She sees her dad EOW and extra time during the holidays so he is a constant part in her life. My ex is a classic narcissist and a serial cheat. I just wanted your thoughts about how to respond to it. I know narcs love the drama and he will know that it will upset me which it does. Should I just ignore?! WWYD?

I think I’m the circumstances you might need to step back here. Your dd is being put in an awful situation and the focus needs to be supporting her.

The only power you actually have over any of this mess is that you can let your dd know that she isn’t betraying or upsetting you by whatever she calls the sm. you won’t be any less a mum to her if she called every woman she met “mum”.

If she wants you to tackle her dad, or sm, then by all means do so. But my suspicion is that you can only make this worse for her. It is entirely possible that the point is to upset you, in which case you should refuse to rise to the bait.

No reasonable adult would ask this of her in the first place. But your dd has to spend time with these nutters and you probably can’t protect her in a meaningful way. All you can do is help her to cope. And that might mean calling her sm “mum” for the sake of peace.

If she wants your back up to stand up to her dad, then give it to her. But follow her lead. Otherwise you’re helping him weaponise her.

i think it 100% comes down to what DD wants. if she doesnt want to call her mom, i think a conversation with ex is needed to explain your 7 year old doesnt know how to have this converstaion, but doesnt feel comfortable calling her mum, so she wont be.

and if she does want to call her mum - i guess youve got to bite the bullet even though i can only imagine how much that would hurt. Either way, DD wants and wishes are above all else

No way - ever. Your DD already has a Mum, and no other versions Ma, Mummy or Mother are available - they are all you. She can use the new partners first name or some other made up name but you are her Mum, Mummy, Mother, Ma now and forever. Don't be bullied OP - would your ex like another man to be Dad? No.